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How would you take this statement?

6 replies

Mummen · 01/06/2026 22:01

This is a non-issue but it has got me pondering about how we can speak the same language but have such different understandings of what's been said.

Last night I was doing a DIY job and told DH I had almost finished but needed his help to complete it. I could see he was in the middle of something and thought he would come to help me when he had finished doing what he was doing.

I went back to him half an hour later and directly asked "can you please help me with X?" and he immediately came to help.

Out of curiosity I asked whether I had already asked him to help and he confirmed that he had heard me earlier but I hadn't asked for help - which was technically correct.

He wasn't being difficult and neither of us are neuro diverse. Similar differences in interpetation have happened before and it's got me curious.

Would you have taken my first statement as an ask for help?

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 01/06/2026 22:07

I would have assumed like your husband that when you got to the bit where you needed help you would actually ask for it directly.

I would probably have replied 'ok let me know when'.

parietal · 01/06/2026 22:17

in that context, my DH would expect another shout of “gimme a hand please” at the point when help was needed

Changingplace · 01/06/2026 22:22

I think it’s a simple misunderstanding, I assume he expected you to give him a shout at the point you actually needed him?

Did you purposefully sit waiting for him expecting him to appear rather than call him? Thats a bit passive aggressive if so…

Mummen · 01/06/2026 22:30

Changingplace · 01/06/2026 22:22

I think it’s a simple misunderstanding, I assume he expected you to give him a shout at the point you actually needed him?

Did you purposefully sit waiting for him expecting him to appear rather than call him? Thats a bit passive aggressive if so…

It was definitely just a misunderstanding. I wasn't annoyed in the slightest. I sat Googling ideas when I realised it had been a while and I probably hadn't been direct enough.

In my mind saying "I need your help" is the same as directly asking for help but obviously not everyone thinks that way which is what I'm pondering. It's looking like it's me that's the odd one out!

OP posts:
willowstar · 01/06/2026 22:35

I have found my husband needs really direct instruction. Subtle hints just don't work. So he would have needed me to say....come here, I need your help now

SamAylward · 02/06/2026 02:00

I wouldn't have taken your original remark as a direct request for help.

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