What could be wrong with me?

[T1mesAreHardForDreamers]

First off, I would really appreciate kind replies as I am feeling so fragile and am looking for some hope/comfort.

Having a really difficult time with my mental health, it's really interfering with my life to the point where I am struggling with work and parenting and I am finding it hard to just feel okay.

This is a very drastic change for me. I am an anxious person but it is usually very situational. Up until a few weeks ago, between anxiety I was a very happy and sunny person. I just enjoyed life and felt happy and content, my days were focused on what I was doing and life was lovely, if a bit stressful with 3 young kids.

I started to develop issues with food after a meal triggered a panic attack due to sensory issues. I took that pretty hard and it was the first panic attack I had in a long time. Now I seem to have spiralled where I have a constant feeling of being unsafe, ungrounded in the world, cannot relax, struggle to feel joy, calm or happiness, cannot do most of my usual passtimes as literally everything feels too triggering, and I spend most of my time getting through the day.

I have had better days but I seem to have one good day at a time where I feel better, and then the next day is inevitably much harder.

I notice a correlation between eating and digestive issues and panic too.

I am convinced there is a physiological element, as the last time I felt like this (almost exactly the same, terrified of everything, constant sense of dread, frequent panic attacks, frequent periods of bursting into tears) was when I was on hormonal contraception. It took me a long time to realise it was the pill, but once I stopped taking it I got my life back within a couple of weeks.

I just can't do this. I have blood tests booked but I've been going through this for weeks and I am really struggling.

I would be so grateful if anyone who has been through this could share. I am interested to hear if you had particular vitamin deficiencies and what your levels were, or if lifestyle changes helped. To be fair, I am currently overweight, dont exercise and dont have a great diet.

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to provide as much relevant information as possible!

Also meant to say, I would also be really interested if anyone discovered a food intolerance in adulthood? I am 32 and am not sure if this is a possibility or if I would have noticed by now.

Hopeful bump!

Can’t help on the majority of your post , but my dh discovered he was milk protein intolerant in adulthood.

Have a look at the Calm app. It helps my dh alot when he’s in stressful situations or is anxious. He likes the breathing exercises, but there’s a host of useful stuff on there.

Thank you, I do feel like dairy or wheat could be a factor, I'm just struggling to reconcile going from just going about my every day life to all of this sadness.

Magnesium helps a bit, the doctors have taken so long though to get anything in place.

I think really this is something you need to push your GP on.

Nobody on here can reliably diagnose a potential psychological disorder or mental health issue or ground it in a potential vitamin deficiency - it doesn't really matter if they've perhaps experienced some similar symptoms themselves, the origin cause isn't necessarily likely to be the same.

Speak with your GP and explain what you've explained here about the impact of the anxiety on day to day life and let them know you need help. It might be helpful to keep a diary of your symptoms and feelings so you can look back on this in a few weeks and see where triggers lie (eg: are they worse when you're lacking sleep, stressed, have eaten certain things and so on). It sounds trite I know but trying to build up habits for gentle exercise if you are able might be of benefit. It's not about weight or dieting it's about how your body responds to movement and the benefits this can have on the brain.

Hope things improve, OP.

Thank you 🌷

To be honest I know I cant get a diagnosis from here, but I suppose I am looking for reassurance by trying to find people who have come out the other side?

I was much younger when I dealt with this before and had no children and an easy job. I have just taken a promotion with a lot more responsility and a lot more time speaking with people. Last time, as it was the pill, even though it was horrendous, I was able to come off the pill and things just went back to normal. Right now it doesnt feel like I have that option.

The GP was sympathetic and I have the blood tests booked, but they are just offering me medications for the symptoms right now and no talk of root cause, though am guessing this will come after the tests?

Also I meant to say, I've tried vitamin D supplements but they somehow managed to give me panic attacks in the morning too.

I agree with a pp who says you need to go back to your GP again about this.

Do you have support from a partner, family members or friends?

It could be a deficiency - what’s your diet like? B12, Iron, Magnesium deficiencies can cause panic like symptoms. Also thyroid dysfunction, PMS, perimenopause, adrenal overactivation.

Also I have a friend who discovered she was gluten intolerant age 28. It makes her very unwell. Allergies and intolerances can develop over time and pop up at any age. Although it doesn’t sound like an allergy to me. It sounds more like you’ve associated food with fear and are looking to blame food for the anxiety. Possibly in an ARFID or EDNOS dynamic.

I understand OP, it's difficult when you don't know what's wrong or how to fix it but know you need help and can see an impact on your life in real time.

What tests were ordered, what have they offered? As it seems more like this has at least some roots in mental health concerns can you ask the GP if you can be assessed in respect of this, referred for assessment or talking therapy or discuss potential medical routes for the panic attacks and significant feelings of anxiety you have. They should be amenable to this once blood tests rule out medical causes but you do need to advocate for these things - perhaps take someone with you if you struggle with that element? The GP being sympathetic is great but they also need to help you with the issue and create a forward care plan, given the impact on your day to day life.

The pill does create or exacerbate anxiety for some people. It sounds like you have a lot going on in life - parenting, a new job with additional responsibility, these are things that could cause anxiety for any previously well functioning person.

Anxiety is certainly treatable, if that is the crux of the issue.

Thank you for taking your time to respond, I really appreciate it 🌸

Yes I have a very supportive partner, who is endlessly sweet and patient, and he has dealt with his own anxiety so also understands where I'm coming from somewhat, though obviously not exactly the same.

My blood test from what I can see is for hormones, thyroid, and various vitamins. Magnesium is helping a bit and I can tell when I miss a day (like today as I packed them for half term and havent found them yet).

This started before my job but we also had a lot of uncertainty and change in my existing job.

I have also begun CBT via the nhs in one to one sessions, I do think this will help but I am only a couple of sessions in, it has opened up some vulnerability when I am already low, and I think I am struggling yo accurately articulate that this level of turmoil is quite far above and beyond my "normal" anxiety.

I am stuck in a consistent loop of undereating making everything worse as its a loop of anxiety - poor appetite - low mood from no energy - more anxiety. Half term was good as we had lots of eating out/takeout and even though not healthy I was able to eat dinner at least. Mornings are by far the worst as I wake up with knots in my stomach, which my brain interprets as anxiety, which sets me off almost instantly.

Its hard to accept I am even capable of feeling this low and scared 😔

I think another thing I need to change my mindset on is I have a pattern of one much more manageable day where I feel almost back to normal for big chunks, and then when the morning hits I do have a bit of a panic because i'm thinking "oh god no, its back again". I need to accept I wont feel better overnight I suppose.

That's really interesting thank you. I have read about magnesium and it does seem to be helping somewhat.

I had an unrelated blood test a few months ago at hospital (routine, related to weight loss referral I made years ago and heard back from) and they said my folate was low. But my gp didnt receive those blood tests and to be fair I didnt feel so bad back then.

I feel so frustrating and needy just writing all this but I really need to get better. I feel like my family have a shell of me and Im frequently having to put on a facade of being okay which is exhausting. At work too - I lead a meeting and then as soon as the Teams call is over, I feel a lurch of panic and burst into tears. It's just not normal but the anxious part of me worries all the time that this is just my life now, and that is actually a huge part of the problem.

Oh and to actually answer the question, my diet isn't great. I think a part of the problem is this all started when I drastically overhauled my diet to clean eating. Between that, the pseudo food sensitivies I have developed, and my history of comfort eating, I struggle to eat anything beyond fruit, plant milk and simple carbs right now.

Folate deficiency can trigger or worsen anxiety because a lack of it disrupts serotonin, dopamine and noradrenaline. It can also lead to Homocysteine build up which can cause panic and anxiety.

I’d also encourage you to speak to someone about the anxiety. My husband has an illness that was worsened by anxiety and it got him into a similar cycle of panicking about being stuck with the panic forever which made it go round and round and round and made him worse. A CBT therapist or psychotherapist may be able to help you train yourself out of the fear of it. His has thankfully calmed right down.

Fruit, plant milk and simple carbs are not a sufficient human diet. You will be lacking iron, b vitamins, folate, thiamin, b12, calcium, iodene… all of which can worsen cognitive issues when deficient. You need to eat a balanced diet of whole fruit and vegetables, whole grain carbohydrate (this can be brown rice, quinoa, spelt, oats, couscous etc if you don’t want wheat), lean meats, fish - oily and otherwise and unsaturated fats from nuts and seeds and things like olive oil and oily fish. You can have plant milk instead of dairy but make sure it’s fortified.

Dark leafy greens are full of folate.

Anxiety can be a side effect of coeliac disease and it can be triggered in adulthood following a bout of illness etc.

Thank you guys, some food for thought.

I will do some journalling with my symptoms as I have already made some connections. Stupidly and I know this is the worst thing to do when you are feeling anxious, but I keep thinking I have broken myself and will never be able to feel happy, calm, relaxed, engaged or present again 😟

You’re not on the copper coil, are you?

It absolutely destroyed my mental health. So many women out there with the same horrifying experiences, although most doctors currently deny mental health side effects.

I have to check just in case, as I saw you mentioned coming off the pill.

Ah thank you so much for responding!

I'm not on any contraception at all at the moment, but I am convinced it is related to hormones as its the only thing that has made me feel so constantly low and frightened.

Racing thoughts, dread out of nowhere, bursting into tears out of nowhere, everything seems too frightening or triggering, struggle to eat, fatigue. Im only 32 and I feel like ive just ruined myself 🥹

I discovered that I had a number of food intolerances when I was almost 40.

It had taken several years and multiple visits to the GP, with a variety of symptoms. Lots of tests told me what wasn't wrong with me. After tests at an allergy clinic, Which identified what was wrong, I traced my reactions back at least into my teens.

You might find it helpful to keep a food diary while waiting for the blood tests/results. Look particularly in the 1st instance for dairy foods and wheat.

It's a nightmare trying to sort it all.out.
All the best!

Could it be early peri? I know 32 is young but I’ve known it to someone that age and u have had 3 kids. Rare but not impossible to be peri

I do feel like there could be an issue with especially dairy and maybe wheat, as I did start to primarily notice issues with feeling uncomfortable and extremely tired after eating.

@ididabigfatsmelly I have definitely considered this. A bit depressing but my symptoms do seem to match and I do feel its hormonal. Am hoping its a temporary thing but maybe it is peri.

I have also considered PMDD, but its hard to tell if my symptoms are caused or just made a bit worse by my cycle.

Are you getting treatment for anxiety OP? It could be your anxiety causing your digestive issues rather than you digestive issues causing your anxiety.