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How do I raise poor DIY prep without sounding ungrateful?

10 replies

Skipitee · 01/06/2026 12:24

I don't want to come across as ungrateful to him as he does always get on with the things I want doing round the house but her never does things properly.

We need the kitchen repainting as when we moved in a lot of it had plaster in areas, looks like something like a splashback had been removed above oven leaving a lot of uneven wall texture.

I ordered a wall sander and he went over the walls last week with it for maybe 30 mins.

I thought he was just doing a test run of it/light sand to start.

I've just come in to him painting.

He's not moved any of the small appliances out of the room.
The top of the cupboard units are filthy with dust/kitchen greasyness and absolutely needed cleaning before painting started so when he cuts in next to them the dust doesn't mix in.

The walls definitely need more sanding, especially above the oven as its very potmarked, it probably needs sanding, filling then resanding.

He's not covered any of the large appliances to protect from paint drips from ceiling.

I had no idea he was going to start painting. I suggested we get 'some stuff' done in there once I got back from nipping out but I meant prep work to get ready for paint tomorrow.

I know he will see his arse if I go in to point this out, not because he's a meanie but because he will think Im just being critical

He really is enthusiastic and has the ability to do a lot of DIY jobs but he always does this, just goes straight in without doing the small things which make a job gonfrom DIy to a little more professional looking.

And we cannot afford pay anyone to do it before anyone suggests that and again he is physically capable of doing everything properly, he just doesn't think to. He is autistic, maybe thats part of it. Who knows.

OP posts:
StephensLass1977 · 01/06/2026 12:25

Who are you talking about?

Pootles34 · 01/06/2026 12:26

'He' being your husband? Why don't you do it, if your standards are higher?

Skipitee · 01/06/2026 12:29

Pootles34 · 01/06/2026 12:26

'He' being your husband? Why don't you do it, if your standards are higher?

Sorry yes, my husband! Don't know how I missed that out. I think I had it in title but then used the 'suggested one' from MN.

I was planning on helping as much as I could when I got back but I am disabled so can't actually do the painting bit but could have helped removing some stuff/ cleaning the lower areas and making a plan for it. He started without me.

And am always on hand for cups of tea and sandwiches too! :)

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WhatAMarvelousTune · 01/06/2026 12:35

I don’t know. It does sound annoying. But at the same time, I do all the painting in our house and wouldn’t particularly appreciate DH pointing out that I’ve not done it as well as he’d like.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 01/06/2026 12:36

Don't critique afterwards. Instead be very clear what needs doing before he starts a job and offer to help / contribute - "before you start we need to clean the cupboard tops and take the appliances out to get a really professional finish for all your hard work. Shall we do that together when I get back from shopping and then you can get started on the painting?" Especially if he is autistic then he needs to have these details spelled out.

Hoppinggreen · 01/06/2026 12:36

Are you supposed to be "grateful"?
Theres your issue right there, you think hes doing you favour no matter how badly he does it so the choices are be grateful or do it yourself apparently

WhatsAWeekend · 01/06/2026 13:22

It’s Exhausting
My dhs modus operandi if there’s damage anywhere is to either
walk on by
or
stick tin foil in it

I have no solution for you OP. I’ve been trying for over 30years. I just do it all myself now

Hoping other mumsnetters have a way forward.
I’ll lurk for ideas.
🙏

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 01/06/2026 13:28

I think you just accept a quick job. Then when everything’s been done in a basic way, you quietly work your way around perfecting things.

Embliss · 01/06/2026 13:55

It sounds like you're really not on the same page with it at all. You are wanting to take on the role of manager, he doesn't want to be managed and probably feels a bit micromanaged.

No answers really, my go-to is to get stuck in yourself because it is endlessly easy to criticise if you are not actually doing it, but obviously that is trickier here.

We're an autistic family too and a power sander is a sensory nightmare, so I have a lot of sympathy for your husband. I get DH to do all the power sanding, it's vile. Sanding by hand is bad enough.

WarmHare · 01/06/2026 18:12

It’s hard, as you’ve said yourself you’re not able to help/do the job, so it might be better to just “let him” do the work as he see fits & then try and save and get it done professionally, although painters and decorators will expect some tidying before (I.e surfaces/cupboards)

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