Living alone and working remotely - will I be too lonely?

[willibelonely]

I'm 29 and only recently in the financial position to possibly buy a flat alone. I've never been in a relationship and have no interest in being in one/don't see myself ever being in one. I have a very small life. I work remotely and have drifted from all of my friends/they've moved away/moved on in life. As a result I don't have any friends.

I currently live with family (parents and a disabled sibling who will likely never move out/live independently).

Now that the financial option of moving out is on the horizon I'm wondering if it's even the right move for me and I've started feeling dread about it. I know some nerves are normal with big life changes, but I'm worried I'll regret moving out and it will send my mental health spiralling. I work fully remote. I'm currently a 2 hour commute away from my local office. In previous jobs where I had to go to the office once a week I ended up having a breakdown, partly due to it. I really struggled and would often cry on the train home from it. I think I'm likely autistic. So getting an office job for more social interaction isn't really an option. I tried living with flatmates in my 20s but I hated it. I'm very private/introverted.

I do have a dog who will be coming with me if I move out so I won't be fully alone, and he will be a reason to get out the house everyday and hopefully I'll get speaking to people that way. The places I'm looking at are only a 10 minute drive from home.

I'm really not sure. The only other people I've known who live alone have all had lots of friends and a partner so they'd have people round several nights a week and have people staying over. My life won't look like that.

Does anyone have any advice?

I imagine many people do live alone and have worked remotely and I guess it will work for some more than others. I think if you are introverted and you are not far from home as long as you pop back regularly and maybe find a hobby? Do an evening class? Something that will encourage you to meet like minded, similar people. But there will be a risk of isolation so you would need to make more effort than you currently do to mitigate that.

Do your family want/need you to move out? I wonder if you could try renting for 6 months and see how it feels. You could also make appointments to look at places and see how that feels. I think there is a lot to be said about being around family if you all help each other. There could also be the option that you buy somewhere but maybe only stay a couple of times a week? It might be good to have your own property for just in case.

How far will you be moving from your family?
Will you still be able to pop in once a week atleast for tea or weekends?

Do you want relationships with other people? You don't need to if that doesn't work for you.
If you do, I would try to meet people through an interest, that way you can manage the amount of social contact to suit you. Also look into socials for autistic people.

I live alone and work remotely. I don't have a partner. But I do have family and friends and I think that's essential really to make something like this work. I think it would be fine to make the move but decide you're going to commit to e.g. a weekly french class or whatever floats your boat. I joined my local WI when I moved to a new city - it was one that had members every age from 20-80 and it was really nice and I made some of my best friends at it.

I am also a member of a gym and of a private library in town and they give me opportunities for low cost interactions with people whenever I want - just people you exchange a few seconds to a few minutes of conversation with, which then just gives you that little human interaction that I think helps you feel like you're part of society. I think it sounds like walking the dog would do that for you maybe, and you might make some full-friend-status friends doing it as well?

I’m not sure how to say this kindly, but it’s meant to be because you sound like me. You’re not reading as the kind of person who needs to be around a lot of people or struggles being alone. If you’re moving, you have the chance to get friendly at a level that suits you. Dog walks can help that. You can control the level you see and talk to people. Just make sure that you do talk to people. You’re close enough to home for that not to be a problem but to gain something for yourself. Go for it.

I agree with this. I WFH when I was single and it was hard to motivate myself to do anything after work, especially in winter.

Actively make plans and stick to them, otherwise it can be very isolating.

My parents don't necessarily want me to move out but I think that they think it will be beneficial for me to have some independence. I would be about a 10 minute drive away so quick enough to be able to go around a few times per week.

I can't really think of any hobbies I'd do, maybe something like volunteering would be good as I'd feel useful whilst still getting social interaction.

I never expected my life to end up like this, I thought I'd just magically eventually feel ready to find a partner and settle down.

Give it a go OP. How’s long your lease? If you try it and don’t like it- would your mum & dad be happy for you to move back home?

Apologies, I see that you’re buying and not renting.

You could at least start the buying process, and see if you find somewhere you like and might feel comfortable living. You can always sell it or rent it out if it doesn’t work out.

I live alone, and am happily single. While I don't work fully remotely, I do work from home probably 9 days out of 10 and have done since 2021.
I am finding it very lonely and my mental health has really deteriorated over the past couple of years. And that's coming from someone who's generally introverted and happy in their own company. Please don't underestimate how hard it could be. I am thinking about a job or even a career change because I cannot live and work like this for the next 20 years.

you are introverted and have a dog and will be living close to your parents. There will be an adjustment period but you will be fine. The dread is because you can’t see the shape of things yet and are relying on a previous unrelated experience as a template. Focus on finding a place as it will take a lot of energy and once you know where you are moving to you can start to visualise your new situation. You should be proud of yourself - it’s no mean feat to buy independently at your age nowadays.

The dog will as you say, force you to go out and you will end up speaking to other dog walkers. Actual friends may be unnecessary but see how you go. You can always find a local meet up group that’s focussed on an activity you might enjoy. I do this. I don’t really have friends as such but I do need to be around people periodically so that type of thing serves the purpose.

If you are living alone and wfh, you really ought to find something to get you out of the house on a regular basis.

For the first thing, walking the dog in the same place at the same time every day will eventually lead to acquaintances because you will meet others near you doing the same thing.

Something like Zonta perhaps which is women being useful. Or a choir. I understand the whole introvert thing but you are part of the wider world and being involved in it just a little bit will be a good thing.

Living in the world needs skills and those skills need to be used regularly to maintain fitness and flexibility.

I don’t know if I am explaining myself properly. I hope you get what I’m trying to say.

I wfh and live alone, possibly autistic. I can't do more than a day and a half with no human interaction - but things like coffee shop, supermarket, library, exercise class, eating out, all count. Is say where you live is important- I am super lazy and its important to have community things to do on the doorstep as I haven't got the spoons to travel far after a day of working (even at home).

why dont you buy the flat anyway - great investment. Then try living there and see how it goes. You can always move back to your family and rent it out. Win win. Good luck

I think you should give it a try. I’m in my 50s and have lived alone for 25 years. I largely work from home except one day in the office most weeks. I’m very introverted and don’t have a huge need for interaction, I’m very happy with the situation. Tbh though the one day a week in the office keeps me sane, and I see friends maybe once a month, I don’t have family close by. So I do think you should try and find some local friends for some kind of interaction, maybe another dog owner.

Give it a go. I think it will turn out ok. You can get in a routine of work, walks with dog, time in your new home, visiting family. Hopefully overtime you might find a hobby or interest and a friend or two but we can survive without friends.

I’m in my 50s probably nd and I live hundreds of miles from where I grew up, I am isolated and lonely. But I’m also ok. I have my home, my garden, my pets, my hobbies.

Exactly.I go out for a coffee or a walk or something like a bus into town,

Go for it! You might love it. If you don’t you can always sell up. Don’t over think it.