Primary school disappointment

[Disappointedlama]

NC for this as it’s potentially outing.

DC is starting school in September and we got our second choice. It’s a good school with strong results, but I’m struggling to get over the disappointment of missing out on our first choice.

I absolutely loved our preferred school when we visited and had really hoped DC would go there, although I knew it was a long shot. Four years ago we’d likely have got a place, but since VAT was added to private school fees, demand has shot up from families who might otherwise have gone private, and we now live too far away. We’re currently 9th on the waiting list, so realistically it feels unlikely we’ll get a place before September 😔

I think what’s making it harder is that we live in quite a snobby area, and I have a colleague who keeps making digs implying the school we got is “poorer” or less desirable, which hasn’t exactly helped my mindset.

How do I get over the disappointment and focus on getting excited/helping DC prepare for starting school? Has anyone been in a similar position and ended up happy with their second choice?

Everything happens for a reason x

“I have a colleague who keeps making digs implying the school we got is “poorer” or less desirable”

I’m hoping that your response to this is just stare back at them without comment and make them feel very, very awkward.

Your colleague is a nobhead. She clearly hasn't worked out that as more parents like you send your children to this school, it is quite likely that the results will improve and it will soon be performing on a par with the other one. My niece attends a school that used to be regarded as second choice, but now it has a whole bunch of parents who are invested in their children's education plus a committed head teacher, it has caught up and in some aspects overtaken the other previously sought after school.

Well my nephew was given his second choice and went on the waiting list. Not sure what number but on day 2 in September I think he was offered a place. It turned out he and the school were not a good match (not sure he was a good match for any school, but he would have benefitted from a caring environment not the school with the posher families...).

Just because a school is in a "worse" area it doesn't mean it's not a good school with caring and enthusiastic staff and lots of opportunities for the children...

Not me but a friend. She put the "must go to" school that everyone raved about as her first choice, but ended up with her second choice local school.

Her children are now out of primary school and she thinks with retrospect that not getting the first choice was the best thing that happened - it was so much better to go to a local school and be part of the community and she thinks the first choice wouldn't actually have suited her child at all, but she was blinded by how good it looked.

And ignore your colleague. Being snobby about schools does not show her in a good light. Thinking that going to a certain school makes your child better than anyone else's, likewise.

You might like it. If you don't and your dc isn't happy you could be on the waiting list after you start

The fact that you describe the area as ‘snobby’ is telling. Do you really want your daughter to be on the fringes of a set of kids and their families who look down on you? It’s likely she and you would be happier in the long term if she’s in a school where she’s in much the same circumstances as all her classmates.

I’ll try that next time 😂 I usually just do a sort of awkward laugh and then spend the rest of the day thinking of devastating comebacks.

I’m surprised you missed out on a primary school place just because of VAT.
Most primaries are suffering from falling rolls and prep numbers have been declining for years.

However you may still find you have movement by Sept

I was surprised too, to be honest. But since the VAT changes were announced, the furthest distance offered at the school has been consistently falling each year, so it definitely seems to have had an impact locally.