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Old friends all meeting up without me and I’m feeling sad

12 replies

TheJaneyB · 31/05/2026 18:46

I was part of a core group of friends at school many years ago. We stayed in touch for a long time but since having kids 15 years ago I didn’t really see anyone any more. Not really planned just everyone lived in different places and regular catch ups got less regular. I do message them all at least once a year and always suggest meeting up but it never comes to anything. Anyway I’ve just found out that the others all meet up pretty regularly. I just assumed that we all drifted apart but it seems like it was just me! I can accept that they just don’t like me as much as they like each other but it’s just made me feel really sad. It’s not being helped by the fact that all my other friends still have big groups of friends from school who they still see regularly and I’m just a bit sad that I don’t have that. Even my husband still sees his school friends regularly and he’s terrible at keeping in touch with people!

just wanted to share to see if anyone else had similar situations.

OP posts:
Jellyofftheplate · 31/05/2026 18:48

I mean, you're not really friends any more. I thought you were going to say you message at least once a week, but if you drifted 15 years ago and only message once a year then I wouldn't invite you either. That's how it goes.

Endofyear · 31/05/2026 19:03

Do they live near each other? They've probably stayed in touch all these years and that's why they meet up. I've kept in touch with a few friends from school that I see a few times a year but my closest friends are local and we see each other often. It's hard to pick up a friendship after 15 years, I would concentrate on the friends you see now. Lots of people aren't in touch with people they went to school with, especially if they've moved away and life gets busy.

PinkEasterbunny · 31/05/2026 19:06

OP, how did you find out?

TheJaneyB · 31/05/2026 19:11

Jellyofftheplate · 31/05/2026 18:48

I mean, you're not really friends any more. I thought you were going to say you message at least once a week, but if you drifted 15 years ago and only message once a year then I wouldn't invite you either. That's how it goes.

I just thought we all drifted apart vs them carrying on and just not inviting me. It’s feels a bit different to know that it was just me they stopped inviting or responding to. You’re right in that we’re not really friends anymore but in my head we had all stopped being friends. Now it just feels personal. Which I guess it is. I know you’re right but it’s just made me feel really sad.

OP posts:
Mary46 · 31/05/2026 19:12

Did you see it on Facebook op. I find these school things drift off. Im close to one friend thats it. School reunion thing came to nothing the girl was keen to keep in touch then I was ghosted. Just flaky. Are they living nearer.

Mary46 · 31/05/2026 19:13

Its hurtful though agree

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 31/05/2026 19:14

It sounds like you had kids and stopped seeing them so it’s understandable if you’re not invited to anything if that was the case.

TheJaneyB · 31/05/2026 19:15

Mary46 · 31/05/2026 19:12

Did you see it on Facebook op. I find these school things drift off. Im close to one friend thats it. School reunion thing came to nothing the girl was keen to keep in touch then I was ghosted. Just flaky. Are they living nearer.

Yeah I saw it on Facebook. They don’t live near each other - two live in other countries! But they’ve been meeting up at least twice a year. I know it’s ridiculous that I’m sad about it and I need to just move on.

OP posts:
Morepositivemum · 31/05/2026 19:22

Op on mn everyone jumps to they must just not like you- in real life two or three of them could have bumped into each other/ started chatting because of something they have in common and they just met up. You say you had kids and drifted- I did too but it was because my kids were always sick as I was due to meet people or I was working etc etc, finally none of us contacted each other but they did meet up and then I said would everyone be up for a meet up and now I meet with them too sometimes but not as much because of work. If you want to meet text them. If they reject you they reject you and yes it’ll be tough but don’t just assume they don’t like you x

TheJaneyB · 31/05/2026 19:31

Morepositivemum · 31/05/2026 19:22

Op on mn everyone jumps to they must just not like you- in real life two or three of them could have bumped into each other/ started chatting because of something they have in common and they just met up. You say you had kids and drifted- I did too but it was because my kids were always sick as I was due to meet people or I was working etc etc, finally none of us contacted each other but they did meet up and then I said would everyone be up for a meet up and now I meet with them too sometimes but not as much because of work. If you want to meet text them. If they reject you they reject you and yes it’ll be tough but don’t just assume they don’t like you x

Thank you. It’s nice to have this perspective.

OP posts:
Twinklefeet · 31/05/2026 20:17

Maybe because they messaged/talked to each other more than once a year.

redskyAtNigh · 31/05/2026 20:38

I think you spotted the reason in your own OP - "since having kids". You were busy with your children, the others maybe didn't have children and didn't appreciate this, or were in turn busy with their own children. You made no particular effort to keep in touch (messaging once a year and saying "we must meet up" is not a serious attempt) so your friendship with the others has drifted away

Whereas the others did make the effort to keep in touch, hence are still friends.
I suspect you are not so much sad about the others meeting up without you; more nostalgic about the way things used to be? But 15 years is a long time, not the year or so ago you are probably thinking in your head. These people are not your friends any more.

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