I don't know where to start. Feeling upset and quite frankly heartbroken/forgotten today so please be gentle with me.
For some measure of context: I left the father almost 18 years ago after continual cheating online and 'in person', emotional abuse, manipulation, financial abuse etc. He walloped me across the face because he claimed I was hysterical after finding out he'd cheated yet again and he continually compared me to his ex wife. I walloped him back once in self defence because I didn't want him to think he could do it again. His then continual harassment of me after I'd left (he sent that many messages that my own family couldn't message because my inbox was continually full) made me ask the police for help and they decided to arrest him, whereupon he then spent a night in a cell. He took me to court because he wanted to confirm arrangements. Even cafcass told him not to go for shift work. Guess what he did? Went back to shift work before the ink was even dry on the paperwork.
To cut a very long story short, he was continually changing arrangements, sometimes even forgetting to pick up child from primary school leading to the school phoning me several times because he wasn't answering.
He has been bitter that I wouldn't take him back for 18 years, even though he has dated on and off throughout. I would never go back. She moved to her dad's for her a-levels because she had a bigger room there. He's had all this time (approximately 5years) to drip poison that I'm the one who cheated, I broke his heart, made himself the victim when he was the cheat...
I know I can't do anything legally now my daughter is a young adult but Mumsnet helped me all those years ago when I was on the point of leaving him so I guess I'm asking for help/advice/a holding hand again. I'm dealing with empty nest syndrome and grieving that I haven't seen my daughter for 5 weeks, and only a couple of hours each month if that, her friends' parents see her more than I do and therefore have a better relationship with her. When she split with her last boyfriend, it was a month before I knew what had happened - I could feel something was going on and it was horrible. She admitted to me that he'd actually told her not to tell me as I would only pity her and be to dramatic about it. I had to tell her that compassion isn't pity. There is definitely an estrangement now because of his interference and I can't do anything about it.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom and now I'm not allowed. I'm hurting all the time. I can't look at her photographs sometimes because it just really hurts. It stinks.
I did ask if she would pop over after work to help attach my wardrobe doors and I would make tea to say thanks - I had to find out from the life app (sometimes the only way I know she's still alive) that she wasn't coming.