Anyone else anxious about their teenagers being passengers with newly qualified drivers?

[Allromanticsmeetthesamefate]

I have 3 DD’s, the eldest is at university and not really part of this particular concern but my other two are 17 & 15 and for context we live quite rurally in Cornwall with high RTA numbers.

Both girls now have quite a few friends within their friend group that are learning to drive and a couple that have very recently passed their tests.

DD17 had told me that she has been invited out on a drive today and I imagine there will be chatter and music etc, when I pushed back and told her I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with this, especially with her friend being such a freshly new driver she said to me that there is going to be a lot more invites out as lots of her male and female friends are nearing test ready.

Is it just me that is absolutely terrified by this?!

I guess I am stereotyping a lot, young boys showing off, girls maybe distracted or vice versa, but living in an area and seeing quite of accidents involving these exact behaviours, throw in things like weekly parties with lots of beer/cider, all nighters revising, a bit of teenage cannabis experimenting it just makes me so anxious.

Wondered if I was alone in this or if other parents felt the same and if so how did you manage your own anxiety and also how strongly you but in advice rules for your children.

You're right to be concerned. Where I live (New York), new drivers have all sorts of restrictions placed on when they can drive and how many passengers they can carry. The law was enacted because of the large number of MVAs involving young drivers carrying many other young people.

dmv.ny.gov/driver-license/learner-permit-restrictions

We’ve said that no more than one friend at a time in the car with them.

100%. My mum was rightly terrified and I never got it. I’d try to enforce a number limit for a year or two. I am being slow off the mark with getting mu DC driving lessons for this reason

Mine are slightly older now but yes it is a worry.
if you can find a way of getting your dd driving asap this puts you and her in a bit more control.
we found that once our dd1 could drive (with financial help from us) she wanted to be the driver and we did our best to encourage safer practice e.g. not driving drunk friends home (she doesn’t drink)
as with most things, if you are or are deemed to be too strict, they just do it anyway but hide it from you.

@Bufftailedwe kind of took the opposite approach. In our case if dd hadn’t learnt, she’d have been accepting lifts of those who had

Fair enough. We’re in a city and don’t even have a car..not sure how quickly friend drivers will appear but guessing soonish. He is asking for provisional license. I do want him to learn but scared like OP

It is an understandable concern. But I am not sure it's onie where you can insist that they don't do it.

Frankly, I'll be as worried about my teens when THEY get their licenses. But this is part of the growing up process.

We had a rule when DS passed that for the first few weeks no passengers apart from us, then for the next month only one friend at a time, and built up gradually from there, so he got used to driving on his own and then with passengers. It has worked well I think, but he is also very sensible. It was harder to control him accepting lifts, but that happens a lot less now he can drive himself.

We had some rules. Not sure if DC stuck to them but we had them, eg no smoking in car. No more than 2 passengers, feeling able to tell passengers to shut up. No drunks/drugs. Seat belts always. No drink driving.

We also said that they could ring us to get a lift home if their designated driver had been drinking/ taking drugs or was driving dangerously. Or we'd pay for a taxi. I set up an Uber account with my card details for them to use.

We have said not to driving friends around for three months after passing. It IS a worry. May need to negotiate to one friend like a pp

Doesn’t it rather depend on the friends? DM said she had no concerns because she’d known them forever and we were unusually sensible. She was much more restrictive with DSis whose friends were a million times ‘cooler’ and less likely to be sensible about drink and drugs.

Agree with this

Yes very concerned. My 16 yo DDs boyfriend has his driving test in a few weeks and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he fails.

This is a huge worry. We’re not rural but are 2-3 miles away from anything in any direction so plenty of lanes. We restricted music for a few weeks, then passangers for a few more weeks.

Our rule is absolutely no alcohol to be consumed by our kids or the driver. DS20 has been driving for 3 years and this is still the rule, which I’m hoping he still follows.

Have a look at Isle of Man law on this. They have it covered.

Sorry I can't do a link just now, but they have restrictions.

I’m scared about this too but dd1 will be the first to pass her test. I have stipulated she takes as much driving practice as possible with her parents before she takes the car outside the local area. We are Plymouth though and I get you op

@Nomorecoconutboosts We did the same. We're really rural and all the kids round here learn to drive at 17 because there is little public transport.

I trust my own kids to be sensible more than I trust their friends.

Having had a lift from DC2’s friend who drove nearly all the way round a big roundabout on the outside, yes I am nervous about DC2 having lifts with that particular friend. I was fine about it before!

That’s very mean-spirited of you. Think of the time and money he has spent on lessons/test. You are shying away from having a talk with your daughter about how you’d like to handle the situation when he passes his test.

My grandson is learning to drive. Selfishly, I hope he has to wait a long time for a test date.

All these people trying to hold our teens back! He probably will have to wait a while tbf but what’s wrong with him taking a test and the examiner deciding if he’s competent enough? Tests are fairly rigorous. If he fails he can build on that experience.
People seem to be choosing to live in rural locations then isolating their children. My dad let me buy a sports car at 19 and said “it’s dangerous, respect the roads” and I always have.

Yes, I am nervous about them being a passenger and also being a new driver who passed way too quickly IMHO. I was especially worried about DC driving a notoriously dangerous country road soon after passing which was mostly local town trips. DH thought I was being over dramatic and compromised that he would be a passenger for this particular journey which DC drove , he came back a bit rattled and agreed I was absolutely right to be concerned. Sadly the same week a young person lost their life on that same road.

@Ithinkofawittyusernamethenforgetit it’s entirely reasonable for people to express concern and anxiety about their teens taking to the roads. Rods which are fr more crowded than they used to be, with far more dangerous and inconsiderate drivers. Teenagers think they’re invincible and immortal. Statistics dictate otherwise.

Most people remember doing foolhardy things when they were young. It’s part of growing up. But a car can be a lethal machine, especially in inexperienced hands. I love my grandson very much. I want him to have a long and happy life.

It's a worry. Although tbh I've seen the 2 of dc's friends drive and they are safer than several of their other friends parents.

Just a question though - how do you build up the experience? I do take your point (and don’t doubt you love him very much) but it seems on here there are people choosing to live in far-flung places then limiting their near-adult children’s freedom! My eldest learnt in Manchester, passed third time - with barely a week to go before setting off on a six-week American road trip. What could I do? Youngest passed first time, middle one’s test is next week. He’s waited months. I really hope he passes!