Should organisers mention if other people are coming to drinks or playdates?

[hangonwhilstioverthinkthis]

If you're making plans with friends, would you tell them if other people were coming too?

Or, if someone asked, "Fancy going for a drink on Friday?", would you assume it was just the two of you/your families, or would you expect there to be a group?

Personally, if I'm organising something, I'd always mention if it's a group thing. I'd say something like, "Just seeing if a few people fancy drinks on Friday," or words to that effect. But it doesn't seem unusual to turn up to drinks, dinner, or a kids' playdate and discover there are several people there, sometimes people I've never met. It's made me wonder whether I'm the odd one out for giving people a heads-up. If I'd made plans with someone and then later extended the invite to another I'd go back and let the original invitee know there would be others there.

Knowing others will be there wouldn't stop me going, but I'm quite anxious meeting new people so a heads up gives me a chance to prepare myself mentally, think of a few conversation starters, and maybe make a bit more effort with my appearance, purely for my own confidence.

I've started actively asking whether anyone else will be there, and I'm amazed by how often the answer is yes, even though the organiser hadn't planned to mention it.

So, is the onus on the invitee to ask if others are invited, or should the organiser be giving people a heads-up?

And, if you're someone who doesn't tell guests they're not the only one/s invited, how come?

no ofc the onus isn’t on the invitee to scope out the play date.

As a host I normally would mention if others come too just for the sake of ease.

But I can imagine how hosts could forget this bit and that is okay too imo. Or they might think ‘it’s not that deep.’

Have some convo starters ready every time just in case?

@nmchngfrths you say 'ofc' and previously I would have totally agreed with you except, it doesn't feel like it is a given. This week it's happened three times! All three times I hadn't thought to check either 🤦🏼‍♀️ let myself down there.

Friends said they were getting the paddling pool out and did I fancy bringing DC over....arrived and there were multiple other families, someone had a BBQ yesterday and invited us 'hey would you DH and DC fancy coming to ours for a BBQ this afternoon?' we arrived and there were already 5 or 6 cars there, went for drinks last weekend with one friend, turned up and there were three of us.

Not a bad idea to just be constantly prepped 😅 it's more my appearance. Once I'm comfortable with people I don't wear make up etc but it's like a protective layer when I'm not quite comfortable yet.

haha! I guess this hot weather makes a paddling pool a party magnet.

I get that you feel the need for a game face with strangers and I also get that you’re able to go without prepping when you know people.

And people going to a bbq might be made up differently than people letting their kids splash in the neighbour’s pool for an hour.

I think you’ve expanded your comfort zone in the last few days 💗