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Did I miss ‘the one’?

4 replies

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:04

About 15 years ago, I was working at a small company when someone mentioned that a new person, X, had started and was sitting on the other side of the office. I wandered over for a look and, instantly, had the strangest feeling. It was as though I had to get to know everything about him. At that point, I’d only seen the back of his head! I can still remember that exact moment and feeling.

I was married at the time, but over the next few years we became very close. I was somewhat obsessed with him, although not in a particularly sexual chemistry kind of way, so I don’t think it was based on that. I just loved being around him. He clearly felt something similar and, on one drunken occasion, told me as much.

Years later, he married someone else. His new wife understandably wasn’t keen on him spending time with me, and we gradually drifted apart.

I’m divorced now, and what’s strange is that I still think about him all the time. He’s often on my mind. We had a huge amount in common, but if we’d actually been together, I think we would ultimately have been very incompatible. Our political views and outlooks on life were quite different, and we came from very different backgrounds.

So what was this? Why do I still think about him after all these years? Sometimes I panic and wonder whether he was “the one.” But surely he can’t have been… can he?

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 30/05/2026 11:18

No, I don’t think he could have been ‘the’ or even ‘a’ one if you couldn’t imagine a relationship between you being successful.

I think that we just sometimes meet people we’re drawn to very strongly. And maybe there’s a touch of limerance in there as well.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 30/05/2026 11:23

I had this experience with a man many years ago. It was instant attraction/compatability. We didn't get together the first time I met him, but I had a really strong sense about him being important for my life. And then we met again, and it happened for a second time and DID get together then. I was quite young at the time and didn't realise that experience was rare.

It doesn't bother me now that I didn't end up with him though. I looked him up on SM a few years ago and he doesn't seem to have developed into the possible potential he had. So meh.

It was an interesting experience though.

Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:37

WilfredsPies · 30/05/2026 11:18

No, I don’t think he could have been ‘the’ or even ‘a’ one if you couldn’t imagine a relationship between you being successful.

I think that we just sometimes meet people we’re drawn to very strongly. And maybe there’s a touch of limerance in there as well.

There was definitely limerance! But to still feel a bit like that 15 yrs later?

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Raciney · 30/05/2026 11:38

Slightyamusedandsilly · 30/05/2026 11:23

I had this experience with a man many years ago. It was instant attraction/compatability. We didn't get together the first time I met him, but I had a really strong sense about him being important for my life. And then we met again, and it happened for a second time and DID get together then. I was quite young at the time and didn't realise that experience was rare.

It doesn't bother me now that I didn't end up with him though. I looked him up on SM a few years ago and he doesn't seem to have developed into the possible potential he had. So meh.

It was an interesting experience though.

Yes, importance is the feeling I got when I saw the back of his head. Like, I KNEW he would mean something. It was such a weird striking feeling and I’ve never had it before or since sadly!

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