At what age did your kids start to have chores/jobs at home?

[svent]

We were staying with friends a few weeks ago and they complained a few times about how messy the house was. To be fair, it was really untidy but they’ve got three kids aged 8 to 11 and busy lives so it’s often just the way life is. The kids are great but having stayed for a few days, it was clear the untidiness was coming from the kids who just left everything where it was - including dropping sweet wrappers on the floor or leaving dishes everywhere and never picking anything up. My friend was incredibly frustrated by it so I suggested they start giving the kids some simple chores/jobs. Even just training them to put their own rubbish in the bin and dishes in the sink would help her. She seemed to think that at their ages this would be cruel.

Got me wondering how others manage this? If you have children in this age range, do they have jobs to do at home? And if so, what sort of things do they do?

From a very early age all toys went into the toy box before bottle, story with Dad and bed.
Around 7 and 8 helping with cooking, around 9 and 10 cooking 1 night a week and kitchen cleaning/ dog feeding/ plant watering chores on nights not cooking.
around 13 doing own washing and cleaning bathroom.

As soon as DS could pull toys out the toy box we had a 'put the toys away' game.....

DS never had specific chores but we basically all chipped in to keep the house tidy. He did his own laundry and bed changing etc from being a young teenager and made his own snacks and juice when he was tall enough to turn the tap on.

I really didn't want to release him into the world with the expectation that a woman would run along behind him. He's married now (30's) and very much domesticated!

I did draw the line at him ironing though as he was always seemed to burn himself, funnily enough DIL has also banned him from that 😂.

As early as they could toddle and wanted to help tbh. Emptying the dishwasher (let them do the unbreakable stuff), putting laundry in the machine/hanging it on the airer with me, unloading the shopping bags etc ... from toddlers. From the age of 4 they were expected to straighten their duvet in the morning and bring their water bottle downstairs, put their own laundry in the hamper stuff like that. DH has been cooking with them since I can remember and they can both now make basics like scrambled eggs etc (they're 7 & recently 5). I'm currently heavily pregnant and they've been absolute legends doing things like hanging out laundry and vacuuming when I'm knackered, same as I will sometimes say 'I'll tidy the toys today, you seem ready for bed!'. We have the mentality that we all live here so we all pitch in.

Every family is different though 🤷🏼‍♀️ bet my kids would love living at your friend's house more than here where they're expected to contribute 🤣

Mine started in earnest at age 8 after years of ad hoc helping and putting away.

My grandfather, a farmer, told me that if you don't start training a child between age 8 and age 11 to become a responsible member of a household (or in his case, a farm), it will become harder and harder as the years go on to turn them into a responsible adult. I took his advice to heart.

Parents who think it's cruel to entrust children with responsibility and make it clear they answer to the parent for fulfilling their responsibility are failing to equip their children with the confidence that comes from knowing their contribution is important.

including dropping sweet wrappers on the floor or leaving dishes everywhere and never picking anything up.

I don't consider these to even be 'chores' or 'jobs', that is just something they should have been doing from long before they were of an age to have sweets that needed unwrapping, in truth.

Like pps, 'tidying up' was part of 'what everyone does' when they finish anything.... so as soon as they could toddle, we'd "put that in the box" together at the end of an activity, or, as others said, before bed or before a meal or getting ready to go out somewhere.

Food would be eaten at the table, so there'd be no plates and dishes to leave around anywhere. Then when at an age to 'leave the table' independently, (so, on getting too big for a highchair), it would include 'taking your cup over to the sink / dishwasher' as you go.

Even things like sorting out the washing as it comes back clean would be something you'd involve a pre-schooler in, just as part of normal 'getting things done around the house' whilst they were of an age that they needed to be near you..... "Can you find all the socks" or "Put this pile on {insert sibling's name}'s bed" or whatever - just keeping them occupied whilst getting things done.

I think tidiness just needs drilling into them as soon as they understand. My two year old already pops her clothes in the laundry basket and puts wrappers in the bin. She also likes to steal the wipe and clean the highchair after eating, so I just let her do it now (then give it a proper scrub when she's in bed 😁). She's also at the age where she is excited to help with taking the laundry out the machine and passing you the pegs outside, but I know that won't last lol. She loves doing anything helpful tbh!

I'll always expect her to help put toys away and pop her clothes in the laundry basket at this age. Putting the pots in the sink is also a given once she's big enough.

As she gets a bit older I'll give her basic jobs like laying the table, helping to empty the dishwasher, feeding the cats, folding some of your own laundry, watering some plants, etc.

I'd never expect a child to clean or have many jobs outside of general tidiness and a couple of basic household tasks tbh. You have your entire adult life for chores. If she wanted to help with cooking, I'd let her, but I'd never expect it. Obviously as a teen I'd like her to know enough to survive if I'm ever away for a few days, such as being able to boil some pasta, make scrambled eggs, etc. I'll be honest I'll still happily be making packed lunches for a 16 year old, because again, you have your whole adult life to go through the daily grind of deciding what to eat, and I'm her mum and want her to feel looked after and worry about not much more than homework and friendship dramas!

So yeah, for me it would largely be about noticing and doing simple tasks anyone in the house can and should do, putting your laundry away, keeping your room tidy/clean, and obviously tidying up if you've used things/made a mess in communal areas.

We started with really simple stuff at around 4-5 — putting toys in away (e.g. their box or shelf), helping unload the dishwasher (handing things to us), that sort of thing. Our youngest likes to help, we are just selective how we let her help. Whilst our eldest (9) cuts (special safety knife though) up vegetables to feed our guinea pigs, clear and wipe the table etc.

Honestly though, the trick isn't the age so much as making it actually stick. Out children "forget" constantly. What worked for us was being really clear about what's expected (not negotiable) versus what earns extra pocket money (negotiable). The non-negotiables are just... life skills. Putting your own stuff away, not leaving dishes around. The pocket money stuff — extra jobs, helping with baking or something else that was beyond those things.

I built an app called, which I've now made public, Harthena that helps with exactly this — it makes the chore tracking and pocket money part less reliant on you nagging constantly, and kids can actually see their progress and how chores link to earning money.
But honestly, even without an app, the main thing is consistency from you. Kids will absolutely test whether you actually care about the rule or if you'll just do it yourself. We're still learning and improving how we do things in our household.

From an early age and it grew age appropriately with them

Age 2/3 for putting own clothes in the wash basket (recently become a work in progress again as we have discovered the floordrobe!)

Age 8 for feeding the cat in the morning under supervision, unpacking own school bag and putting lunchbox in the dishwasher.

Age 9 for making own bed in the morning and physically hanging his clean washing up, it’s clean ironed and on hangers, he is just hanging it up.