When do you start disciplining a baby/toddler?!

[Jumpystar]

Sorry if this is an obvious question! We have a 10mo daughter and right now she doesn’t understand right/wrong and consequences to things she does “wrong” like hitting, but when do you start trying to enforce things, boundaries, what not to do?

I’d really like to get right balance between acknowledging feelings but also being firm with behaviour when needed. Can anyone recommend any good books with latest evidence?

Thank you!

Disciplining is probably the wrong word. Approach it as teaching and then of course you can start.

Be kind. Sometimes it's best to ignore behaviour because that enjoy big reactions, even if you are trying to set boundaries

I was already by this age in terms of boundaries. It’s much easier to have boundaries from early on than introduce them later. It started with things like being bitten whilst BFing - a quick and loud NO, unlatch immediately from breast and glare at her. She very quickly got the message that wasn’t acceptable behaviour.

Similarly, once she was crawling, a very firm NO if she tried to touch electrical sockets, and remove from that area.

Things like not touching hot radiators, I’d do the NO and glare but waited to see what would happen - she did try touching it but quickly associated the heat with why I was stopping her!

And be sensible about which boundaries - we focussed on the non-negotiable safety ones like car seat safety, wearing reins when walking near roads, not touching hot things and hitting/biting.

I would look at positive reinforcement and regulation and empathy building as opposed to discipline. Mine is 3 and most of the time when he is 'naughty' he's either dysregulated and overwhelmed, hungry or tired, or is playing with a boundary to see what will happen next which is developmentally normal. The only time I use a consequence as such is when he's doing the last one repeatedly and then it'll be a clear warning before something immediate and appropriate for his age that I'm prepared to follow through on and clearly and calmly explained. But generally I focus more on rewarding and noticing/praising good behaviour which works well for him. I will also use silliness to promote good behaviour as little children feel very out of control a lot of the time which is hard for them, so giving as many opportunities as you can for them to feel in control which ranges from sensory play (playdoh, sand, messy play anything they can manipulate with their hands) to choosing their clothes/ bedtime books etc and not offering choices that aren't really choices. Ie "do you want to put your shoes on as we're going now?" Is not really a choice as you need them to do it so should be "let's race to see who can put their shoes on faster".

You're not really disciplining as much as you're gradually teaching social norms and safe behaviour.

I read a book called playful parenting which I really liked and I also like the montessori approach so have read those books and taken elements from them.

It’s never too soon to make it clear a behaviour is wrong, use of the word no, redirection to something more appropriate etc are important. You don’t give long punishments to a baby but you need to tell them right from wrong

Yes disciplining not right word really. Thanks

Agree with pp - "No" and the look for when it really matters. Kids that hear no a hundred times a day stop having such a reaction to it and you really want them to know it means "stop immediately that's not safe"

For other things at that age redirection and modelling what you do want to see is enough for most scenarios.

Yeah its teaching

"Ah ah ah" (dont touch / stop)
"Hot"
"Not Safe"

from 10m - 1 yr

I save NO! for serious stuff stillhas little / no imapct 😅

When older and fighting over toys.... i indifferently remove offending items and say " that's not nice play. You can try again tomorrow" and put it in a cupboard.
Now when they see my long teddy picker a approaching one of them gives up the toy / it resolves.

I do recommend talking to your kids A LOT and explaining all kinds of things to them..also teaching them about "deals".
My dd could negotiate at 3 and my ds is starting to get it a 2yr 5m.

It makes life soooo much easier and means less undignified wrestling with toddlers.

If we do X you can do y...