Support worker crossing boundaries with my vulnerable DS

[BeanIceCream232]

I think my Ds is being groomed

Ds is 24. However he has some learning difficulties and is emotionally a lot younger. He's vulnerable and easily manipulated

We have support workers from an agency that come and take ds out or do activities with him. Usually 2 or 3 times a week. They work on a rota and at the start of the year we had a new carer start with us. I will refer to him as Ben

Ben seems a nice guy. He takes ds out and they have a great time. Ds always asks when Ben is coming again

However I have concerns. Ben doesn't seem to know where the boundaries are. He buys ds regular gifts (not hugely expensive but enough that I have noticed). He's also taken ds to his house at least twice (I know this from Ds). I've asked Ben not to do this again because it confuses ds. He assured me it was a one off because he wanted to show ds something (Lego related) but wouldn't do it again.

Ben also got Ds to buy him something expensive on the pretence that he had lost his wallet. He did eventually pay ds back but it took a few weeks

I spoke to the support agency a few weeks ago and raised concerns. They said they would speak to Ben.

DS has come back from a day out with Ben today and announced that he and Ben are going on holiday (a weekend away). This hasn't been discussed with us. Now that Ds has been told he's convinced it's set in stone and it will definitely happen. So it's difficult to manage his expectations.

I'm going to speak to the agency tomorrow and ask that Ben doesn't work with Ds again. I have too many concerns and red flags. I don't feel that I can trust him with Ds. I think Ben's been grooming him

I know ds is going to be upset if I tell him that Ben is no longer coming and he isn't going on holiday either. Ds wouldn't understand the truth so I might have to fib and say Ben got a new job in another town and that's why he can't see him anymore...

Op trust your gut. I agree. I have a vulnerable child who needs PAs every once in a blue moon because the council insists.
Ben is trying to get money from your son at the very least.
Dontvtell him Ben isn’t coming again - deflect and say not sure and hope the replacement more than makes up for him. Be extra positive about the replacement..
Im sorry. I know the territory all too well.

Ben should know better..

Good on you to flag this with the agency. If things aren't changing I would let the local authority know also. But yes one option would be to say Ben can't visit anymore. Your ds may be upset but its likely to be less harmful than letting it continue and him suffering the confusion of thinking Ben is his friend.

Has your son got a mobile / Social Media?

Do they talk on there?

DS does have a phone - he doesn't really use social media (only WhatsApp to talk to his sister who lives overseas). But I will have to ask him tomorrow if he's been talking to Ben on it..

I would be very concerned. Report to PiPOT.

I spoke to the agency today. The receptionist told me that because they are chronically short staffed they couldn't just remove him from Ds's rota and I would have to speak to Social services (who pay for part of his support package). But SS keep referring me back to the agency.. sigh 🙄 will try again on Monday

Unfortunately all of these systems are so fragmented, chaotic and under-resourced that chancers like Ben find it very easy to get a foothold. I think you are absolutely right to be concerned and I think the agency’s response is totally inadequate. Appalling, in fact. I would investigate exactly how and in what way Ben has been communicating with your son outside of the official visits, exactly what he has promised him (the holiday thing is really worrying) and keep reporting him - possibly to the police.

Do council have Designated Safeguarding Lead - if they do I'd find their e-mail head of SS and personal contact at SS - and write e-mail ,mentioning gromming concerns and safeguarding issues and that you have spoken to the agency who were very dimsissive - might also CC in care company depending on how you feel. Anything in writing tends to get taken more seriously than phone calls IME.

Not the same but DM had to complain about some carers who were employing with dad last few months after hospital stay. The care agency wasn't very interested but SS said they made a note on file not to comission that care company for any packages for Dad and apologised and made changes. Not sure if similar is possible in your situation.