Should I tell DSis her husband is having an affair.

[StillHereLolNow]

I have found out from someone close to me that my brother in law is having an affair. Another person also went round to DSis house and told her and she said to them that she wasn’t bothered. Should I tell DSis that I have heard that he is having an affair or should I just stay out of it. Me and DSis are quite close so I’m not sure what to do.

I think you should.

If she already knows she’s made her choice. I wouldn’t say anything

I would, definitely. Especially as you are close.

Yes I'd definitely discuss it with her. She's your sister.

Just make sure she knows, maybe drop subtle hints. Then stay clear.

No! None of us has the right to interfere in other people's relationships. Just stay close and, if and when she needs your support, she will ask for it.

If you already think she knows and doesn't seem to mind then perhaps they have an agreement that you aren't aware of? If you don't know for sure, you'd only be repeating what someone has told you. Reach out for a chat and ask her if everything is ok but don't tell her her husband is cheating unless you have some concrete proof and are sure of it.

How do you know she isn't having one also?

Seems from what you say that she knows already and is not bothered.

You need proper proof first

I would. She is your sister.

If she's not bothered, what would you telling her accomplish?

If you’re close and she hasn’t already confided in you that this other person has told her about the affair or any other suspicions she may have then I wouldn’t tell her. She may be processing it all, or she may have an agreement with him.

How do you know someone else told her? And that she decided to do nothing?

It’s a horrible situation if “everyone” knows and is gossiping behind her back.

Since you are close, presumably you have some idea what her boundaries are, what her marriage is like, etc.

Since you are close, don’t you think if she wanted to talk to you about it, she would?

What I would do is arrange a time for you and dsis to be together and create space for her to open up. Go for a long walk perhaps, or take her out for a drink at a quiet pub. Don’t raise it with her directly. Ask how she is doing, ask about other aspects of life. She will work it into the conversation if she wants to. If not, stay out of it.

Yes I'd tell her the facts of what you know and I'd also tell her that no matter what she decides to do you'll support her. It may be that she already knows and is choosing to stay, maybe they're working on it behind the scenes or maybe she's turning a blind eye. Or maybe she's not got enough evidence to feel she can act on it yet or is quietly getting her ducks in a row. But I think if you're loyal to her then you tell her. If my sister knew that about my husband and didn't come to me (even if I already knew) I would find that very hard to get past as I'd expect her loyalty.

Ofcourse you tell your sister ! YABU just for asking.

She's your sister and you're close to her - why on earth would you NOT tell her or at least ask her about it and offer your support?

Perhaps she knows and they have an arrangement; perhaps she knows and is trying to figure out what to do; perhaps she doesn't know. I think, as she's your sister, you should tell her and offer your support.

You don’t need to tell her about it because she already knows. When she told you someone had informed her about his affair and she said she didn’t care, didn’t you as her why not?

If I had a sister I was close to, I would probably bring It up again and ask how she was feeling about it, if she was ok. But I would have to accept how she chose to handle and just reassure her of my support.

This. If she already knows then you are not telling her.
Just tell her that you are supporting her whatever happens

Do you know for a fact that someone did actually go round there and tell her. If that is true then no you dont need to say anything to her. Presumably as you two are close, if she wanted you to know she would tell you. And she hasn't. So yeah, as long as she definitely has been told then personally I would wait for her to speak to you about it.

Thanks for all the replies. Just to answer a few questions yes I do know definitely that someone went round and told her. Regarding their relationship it is not a close emotional one more to do with their business and children. I do want to tell her but in the past when my other sister has told her something about her husband which is something unrelated to this she stuck up for him and pretended she knew even though she didn’t.

I'd do the same as many on this thread - tell her what you've heard, don't pass judgement, don't mention that you've heard about another person going round and telling her as that's not your business.

Tell her you're there to support her no matter what, listen to how she's feeling, and be prepared for her to deny/stick up for him/refuse to talk about it. You may just have to accept that she knows and doesn't want to do anything about it.

It will be 10x worse if she doesn't know, but one day finds out and asks if you knew but didn't tell her.