What does ‘dating’ mean

[Theoner]

What does dating someone mean?
I’ve been divorced a couple of years and been casually seeing someone new for a few months who, when I asked where things are going, he said we are dating dating, but I’m not even sure what that means. Is is serious, are we bf/gf?

I think it’s more casual than bf/gf but more than a situationship.

Thank you. I had no idea what to take it as

These days you just need to check if you are exclusive if that’s what you both want.

Many youngsters do the following

Talking
Dating
Exclusive
BF/GF

It seems overly complex to me.

My interpretation is just seeing each other, nothing serious or exclusive.

You are not bf/gf and if he thought it was serious you’d know about it. You have to know what he wants from this otherwise he will potentially be dating/taking to someone else and in his eyes it’s fine because he isn’t official with you.

He said dating and not seeing anyone else so not
worried about the seeing anyone else but just didn’t know how serious ‘dating’ meant

If you would like more commitment than you're getting from him then you need to have a conversation with him. After a few months I think you're reasonable enough to ask.

He isn't that into you and isn't bothered about what your status as a 'couple' is. If he was he would have moved heaven and earth to ensure you weren't unclear.

take his message seriously he could not GAS.

based on his description, he's waiting around for a better offer and if that came, you wouldn't see him for dust.

Perhaps he has a stutter.

@daisychain01 that might be a little harsh, the whole dating thing is more complex as we get older I think and people are more cautious of jumping in head first and getting serious too quickly.

If you don’t know where you stand with a man - he isn’t serious about you. You are in casual relationship. Please do not over invest into this relationship.

Going out together, possibly sleeping together but not necessarily exclusive.

This! The OP needs to actually talk to the guy, not try to second guess him.

It mystifies me there are so many threads on MN about people who seem unable to communicate with partners/prospective partners. Such as the thread a couple of weeks ago about who pays for what when dating etc. Just talk for God's sake!

If you can't have an open and honest conversation about literally anything, then it doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship, whatever stage it's at.

Fuck me, talk about projection! 👀🤣

Perhaps you two need a chat OP but I'd pretty much say it sounds as though you two are exclusive.

Have fun and enjoy it, rather than overthinking it!

I think these days you aren't bf/gf until there has been a massive balloon with "will you be my girlfriend" on it presented.

I have no idea, my last one night stand is still here 18 years later. We never had these conversations back then.

You need to speak to him.

Why does everything need a "label" these days?

Back in the day when DH and I first got together, we never had "labels".

As things progressed, we just kept good communication channels.

At first, we weren't "exclusive" as such (not that we used that term - we just knew that we were each "going out" with someone else as well, but we also knew that we just friends with them as we were with each other, and certainly not being intimate with them).

I really don't remember a time when we formally became "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" or whatever other terms may be in use. The nearest acceptance of a "label" was when we bought each other birthday and christmas cards, the first being "boyfriend/girlfriend" and then morphed into "to the one I love" the next time. Probably wouldn't even do that today now that greetings cards seem out of fashion among the younger generation! But I don't recall any particular angst when in the card shop the first time I bought DH his first Xmas and/or birthday card - and the fact he got me a "girlfriend" card didn't particularly "mean" anything to me, there being no particular importance to the use of that word.

I think there's too much obsessing about labels these days and the meanings behind them.

@BadbadbunnyI’m in my early 50s. I’d say when I was dating in the ‘90s if you were seeing each other as you describe you simply ‘became’ boyfriend and girlfriend. The issue nowadays is all of these ‘layers’ have been introduced that (imho) largely benefit men, who want the girlfriend experience without any of the responsibility or commitment. Basically, you can’t assume that ‘just’ because you’ve been seeing someone several times a week for 6 months, and it’s all going swimmingly, that it’s exclusive or a relationship.

Fair enough, but I don't understand why a "label" is needed rather than just plain old fashioned conversation as to what each party feels appropriate over time. Why does it need a "label" for people to be able to continue seeing others - why can't they just agree to continue seeing other people and then have a conversation when they want to stop seeing other people, rather than giving it a different "label". I just find labels confusing and restrictive. There can't possibly be a "label" for every eventuality, every permutation, within a relationship, so just talk it through and agree what suits you both at that particular time.

This is what i’m struggling with. If I am seeing someone, I must like them so I am not interested in seeing anyone else at the same time. I’d concentrate on one person. He has said we are dating and he is not and wouldn’t want to see or talk to anyone else. I don’t remember having any of these conversations with ex husband it all just became apparent over time

I’d say seeing only Each other