Struggling with my youngest

[Tractorz989x]

I feel so awful but I need to vent. My youngest is 2 and I am still to this day struggling with her. I have an eldest who's 4

She has been so clingy since day 1. Such an unsettled baby who cried all the time wouldn't go to anyone else even her dad. Even now if I try to leave her with him she just whines for me. If I leave her with grandparents she mentions me a bit , but is fine for nursery so as awful as it sounds my 3 days working is my break.

I am ridden with guilt constantly as my eldest deserves more from me. I am so burnt out from my youngest i barely get 1 to 1 time with him , even my days off with them I trying to play with him and she kicks off over something I feel like she interrupts any minutes I try to get with him

And I feel sad. My eldest goes to school in a few months and he was my first baby and is so grown up now and I'm sad he'll be in school 5 days a week

Since I've had my youngest I've been so depressed. My relationship with DH started going downhill, she didnt sleep well and is on and off now , she wont give me a minute

She is an amazing girl and so lovely and I love her. I just am struggling so much

Am i a terrible person? She is just so full on and I just struggle managing 2 in general never mind when one is a bit needy

I’m so sorry - it’s such a tough stage. Maybe other people will be along soon with more helpful advice but my main thoughts are:

1. this too shall pass. It’s a stage, it’s not forever. This tough phase will be a memory one day.

2. the mum guilt is so real. You feel bad for resenting your youngest and bad for not being able to give your eldest 100%. But you have given him a lifelong sibling, someone who will be there long after you’re gone. The effort for your daughter benefits your other child too.

3. you’re burning out. I was quite depressed when my children were this young and demanding. If you have anyone who can help, even occasionally, while you go and recharge your own batteries then take it. You’ll be more present for both children when you are rested.

4. talk to your husband. Explain how you feel and what worries you about the pressure on your relationship. Show him you care and then you will still have love for each other once this challenging phase is over.

5. most importantly- reread 1). This will pass, this is not life forever. You are not failing, you are in a stage that is legendarily challenging and which DOES PASS.

Be kind to yourself x

You feeling any better today @Tractorz989x ? X

Don't feel bad about it, kids are intense.

Can you afford to put her into nursery for an extra day? Give yourself some time/give your older on some focussed care. I'd be really prioritising this within in the family finances if at all possible.