Attracted to man at work

[Scarlettjune]

Has anyone been attracted to a man at work. For the first time in my life I'm really attracted to a man I work with. We also work alone in the building when we are ther. Just the two of us when we are on. Night shift. Its awkward because I've no idea if he likes me and I can't help but act a bit stupid and nervous around him. Its more awkward cuz its just the two of us there. I'm worried that I look like I'm attracted to him as obviously sexual harassment at work is a no no everywhere. How did you handle this situation if you are in it. Maybe I should just leave!

I married him…

Haha! But who made the first move?

Yeah, you've got to marry him or find a new job. In this economy, I would suggest marriage.

Is there a power imbalance in terms of work? That does complicate things.

Are you both free and single?

Yes! But I have no idea if he likes me. And I can't just ask him if he does or not because we have a sexual harassment policy at work. Awkward!

Oh well. I guess we will just awkwardly sit there for a year until I move on to another job. Its hard when you like someone at work isn't it, because we are bound by more rules and sexual harassment policies.

Can you suggest a coffee and a bit of breakfast after a shift and see how it goes

Well what does he look like

Why are you attracted to him?

👀

I mean, I think you can subtly gauge someone’s interest without it straying into sexual harassment. Also, I’m yet to meet a man who was interested in me who didn’t make it clear, and I don’t mean in a pushy/creepy way, it’s just they’re not particularly complicated creatures!

Why do you keep mentioning sexual harassment? What are you planning to do to gauge if he likes you 🤔

im not planning to do anything. I feel like I can’t because it’s a workplace.

why do I mention sexual harassment. Because in my workplace, we all had to do training on sexual harassment in the workplace recently. The emphasis was : never make your coworkers feel uncomfortable.

there are posters all around my workplace about sexual harassment in the workplace. The tone is:’ if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, report them to management, we take it seriously. ‘

I assume making someone feel uncomfortable is being weird and making inappropriate comments. Asking someone for a drink isn't weird or inappropriate unless this colleague is young enough to be your son or is very, very junior to you imo.

Or if he's married.

I’d just get chatting to him and ask him about music he likes, what sort of food he’s into, general stuff and let the conversation flow. Maybe if he said he was into Thai food for example you could make curry one night and take some in for him??? Which is a nice thing to do anyway.

Absolutely no need to leave. Most people meet their partners at work. Nothing wrong in that. Ask yourself these questions 1) Is he unavailable (married, partner, gay etc.) 2) is there an unfair power thing going on (he is your boss, you are his boss) 3) Are there explicit or even implicit rules in your contract that would cause an issue 4) Are you being "realistic and appropriate", lots of people have "crushes" on colleagues - whole range here from being attracted to someone much younger OR who were just being friendly but didn't really realise that their friendliness was not a "come on". 5) if you had met in a different life, would you still have been unsuitable (sometimes the pressure of work makes us compatible for a "reason" or a "season", but not a lifetime) If you don't get a red flag from any of this, then I would do what others suggest. Shared conversations about interests, or even possible outings are not "sexual harassment" as long as, if they are politely declined, that is the end of that.

Ask if he fancies going for a coffee after work. Gage it that way