think about ending things..

[yourloveis]

im a single parent and i cant do this anymore. my days are very much the same. wake up, make breakfast, work/kid to school, home, dinner, shower homework bed and then repeat.

childs father has new children doesnt check on our son. never helps financially. last time he bothered to come was in september last year for 16mins (yes i timed it).

he always says when i need help to just call him and ask for help but when i do there is always a perfect excuse. i feel like the character from mothersland cant remember her name.

also my mom finds pleasure in bringing me down. i shared with her i think i could be depressed she said ur not just have a glass of water, i took a selfie yesterday as i wanted to update my profile pic to feel a bit better and she said whats wrong with u u look bloated in your face. thats just some of it.

im exhausted of life, doing everything day in day out. i know im not a special case and many other single parents go through this. but i dont want to live anymore whats the point im alwags angry maybe my child will be happier with a happier family.

I think about ending my life so many times. im so depressed and its getting worse each year. whats the point of my life i do everything alone people say i look so strong and doing a great job but im nothing. when i finish cleaning cooking shopping day in and day out im exhausted no energy to sit down play with my son. im always angry and depressed. everbody got their partner and new babies and i got nobody to just sit and share my life with. like how can God not have a person for me how can everyone have their family and me 8 years on my own. it hurts me so much. its half term and yet again no help with anything i have do this non stop i cant do this anymore i just want to die my kid would be better off without me his dad dont care bout us. favours his other kids and goes on holidays and i have to buy my sons new shoes and pay his club which is gonna cost me £500 but i only make £450 a week how im gonna cover that and buy us food as well. i fucking hate thjs just wnana die already

Hey lovely, go easy on yourself. parenting is hard but this struggle is only temporary. It definitely sounds like you’re depressed if you have had feelings of ending your life so please go and get some help - you deserve that care and support. I’m so sorry your mum has dismissed you, I find with my own mum because they had no support when they had us that they are keen to dismiss our struggles out of resentment. BUT that’s not fair on you and your issues are genuine and real.

Your son needs you so much, a lot more then he needs a school trip and the world needs you. Please don’t do anything lovely. Get yourself to a doctor over the weekend if you can and right now call the Samaritans 116 123 or text SHOUT. Speak to someone. Reach out to a friend. Don’t be alone. Just get yourself some company and get some help. It will get better xxx

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

This sounds like a tough time OP, no wonder you’re struggling! I think it’s helped me to reframe things a bit. Kids aren’t small forever and I’m assuming your kid is at least 8? By the time they’re in high school they’re much more self sufficient and it frees up
your time.

assuming your ex works if he’s going in holiday etc so have you made a CMS claim? If not, do that. Also speak to CAB to make sure you’re getting all the financial help you can.

most importantly find some little blocks of time to be kind to yourself in the day. Appreciate the little moments of joy like a bath, clean jammies and sheets and a book, nice little treats and 10 mins with your kid immersed in the iPad etc. as they get older you can join hobbies etc.

One thing is for sure, even if it doesn’t seem like it now, that kid is 100% better off having his mamma here. You don’t need to be in top form all the time, your kid would feel guilt they couldn’t save you for the rest of their life. Stay for him. He needs you here more than you know!

I'm really sorry you’re feeling this overwhelmed. Reading your post, it doesn’t sound like someone who is “failing” but isounds like someone who has been carrying absolutely everything alone for far too long, with very little support, kindness or rest

You are not weak, lazy or “nothing”. You are exhausted, isolated and depressed. Your son would not be better off without you. Even if you feel angry, drained and touched out, you are his safe person. The fact you worry you can’t give him enough already shows how much you love him. Children do not need a perfect, endlessly cheerful parent. They need their parent.

Your mums comments are cruel and dismissive, and your ex has let you down repeatedly. Anyone would struggle in your situation doing the school run,work, meals, homework, money stress and emotional load alone every single day is relentless. The repetition can make life feel like there’s no future beyond surviving the next task.

But the way you’re feeling now is depression talking, not truth.

Sending hugs.