Struggling with work meetings and wondering if it is more than shyness

[ithinkimautistic]

I am painfully shy despite being well into my 30s. I can handle interactions where I know what's expected of me (e.g. doctor appointments, making short phone calls, even job interviews), but at work I really struggle. I've been working remotely for 5 years now and have Teams meetings every single day, yet I still get really nervous before them and can't relax or speak properly. I will dread my line manager 1:1s for days ahead, and will find myself mentally preparing things to say. But in the meeting it falls apart and I become a robot of smiling, nodding and repeating phrases like 'sounds good'. In person I'm a lot better, but I can't seem to get a conversation going on Teams calls. I feel so bad for my manager because I can sense they are painfully awkward.

I don't know where I'm going wrong and I think I'm realising that this must now be beyond shyness/social anxiety. I have several male relatives who are autistic but they have struggled to attend school/work had more difficulties in life, whereas I've been to university and have a job but underneath it all I feel like a duck paddling frantically under the surface to stay afloat.

Not sure what I'm looking for in this thread but just trying to get it out somewhere

Doesn’t have to be anything beyond general anxiety. Generally goes hand in hand with your overall self confidence. Would you describe yourself as a confident person?

A lot of people find teams / zoom meeting tricky even when they are ok face to face with others and in none work situations.

You do know in reality what to say and how a meeting might go as work meetings are sadly very monotonous and similar and all have a purpose and or an agenda but your shyness and anxiety gets the better of you. You know what the meeting will be about so it’s similar to going to the GP.

A trick I was taught which works for a few people I know is to use the facility to remove your picture from the screen. You can still see everyone else on the call and they can see you but you don’t see your own image. Often people get stressed looking at themselves and worrying about how they look ( no one else is ) and if you removed your image so you can’t see it might be helpful in reducing your anxiety about being on the call. Give it a try.