Kidnapping anxiety

[Hotdoughnut]

My 11 year old daughter is incredibly innocent, anxious and a just an all round nervous character. She has many anxieties that we need to be cautious over, as she easily spirals, and one particular fear is kidnapping. She asked me last night why somebody would kidnap a child? She was really pressing for a reason. How would you explain this please? I feel I could tell my 8 year old that kidnappers may want to do bad things, but with my 11 year old I'm torn as to how honest to be. As she gets older I'm really struggling to know how to protect her mental health vs teaching her the harsh realities of life. She is Y6 and has ADHD, if that helps context. Thank you!

Have you considered therapy? She sounds like a ripe candidate.

Yes she is receiving 1:1 CBT for anxiety for a few months now, but I have no idea what they discuss in the sessions!

I would say….

It can be for a number of reasons I imagine, not something I like to think about tbh! But what is important to remember is that the risk of being kidnapped is teeny tiny teeny… in fact we have more chance of winning the lottery two weeks in a row! Now, what do you fancy for dinner tonight?

If she asks why people kidnap children, I think you can reasonably tell her that basically, they don’t. It’s pretty rare for children to be kidnapped by strangers in the UK.

And despite her being 11, the therapist doesn’t tell you?? Do you ask?

I’d say it’s very rare but generally if the parents are super rich it’s for money and the kids are safe. And , unless you are super rich, explain yoire nor in that category.

It's very much, my daughter is the client. And I've kind of liked it that way as I feel my daughter can be more open with her as there's no expectation that I will receive a download. However I think I will check in with the therapist, you're right. At £60/week I want to know it's working! Our daughter is definitely happier, but the anxieties still bubble up right before bed.

I really like this, thank you!

I would say "It's hard to answer because I don't know why people do bad things, and also it is so very very rare and like a lo of things happens in stories much more than in RL. But the reasons might be wanting to steal someone else's child because they haven't got one, wanting to keep a child a bit like a pet, or wanting to get the parents to pay money to get them back"

Wow…. I would be checking in after every session. Your daughter is 11, not 17.

i would want to know exactly what issues are being discussed and I would mention this latest one to the therapist.

therapy weekly?

Yes it's weekly. Daughter loves going and tells me the techniques she is learning. But you're right I should phone and ask how it's going. She has so many anxieties, including the sun burning out, sand being quicksand, and giants! So it's a long, varied list, and some are more concerning (realistic?) than others. She has the most incredibly vivid imagination and I so hope one day that good will come of it - perhaps she'll be the next famous children's author...

I would want feedback every single week without fail personally

I've kind of liked it that way as I feel my daughter can be more open with her as there's no expectation that I will receive a download

she is young child. She doesn’t need to give you the download but you absolutely need to check in with the therapist after every session. It’s insane you have no idea what is going on.

I would say it is usually a parent after a separation. Your Dad and I are not going to kidnap you.