First hotel night away together after years, or too cringy?

[Caliborne]

DHs 42nd birthday coming up soon and due to several kids with additional needs and various other factors we've never done the hotel away thing. Ever, in over 20 years.

Its been tough lately and intimacy has gone down the pan, especially with a load of teens in the house.

I keep going on booking.com and looking at places, just 30 mins away, for a night. Maybe see a film and pack some new lingerie but I am also worrying its just cringy.

I know DH would LOVE a night of intimacy but it just feels kind of icky to me (I'm autistic too and don't like the thought of loads of people having shagged in the bed 🤣🤣) but can't have a night like that at home.

No idea why that link came up, this is not an advertisement! :/

If you have someone to watch the kids- then go for it. Try to have fun.

They're all older now so I think we could get away with it.

It's not cringey, it sounds like a great idea. Sometimes you just need couple time. Lots of couples so this.

Nurturing your marriage isn't cringey..

Go for it.
It's nice to have a night away without having to drive for hours especially for just one night.
Short drive home then the next day.
Ideal

It sounds lovely!

Night away together sounds lovely. You don’t need to go all in with the lingerie and make a big deal of it, just spend some nice time together and see what happens. Enjoy.

Do it! DP and I do it all the time now our kids are grown. You don’t need to go far, just a change of scenery. You’ll have a great time!

Yes go , don’t put any pressure on yourself to have sex though. You can be intimate without sex.
I wouldn’t bother with the lingerie.

Go, get some nice food and just relax. I would take any pressure off though and just have a nice evening away.

I agree with this .
I think aiming for time together, closeness and relaxing sounds lovely. Lingerie just makes it sound performative and tacky.

We’ve done spa weekends a few times. It’s not just intimacy, we’ve swum / gone to gym/ short walks etc.

Book 2 nights, first one to sleep
🤪

It doesn’t have to be about sex. A nice meal and a few drinks and being able to relax without kids interrupting

I wouldn't use booking.com as they are greedy about property in war zones. Try another company.

Enjoy. And do pack lingerie if you have some that makes you feel special. Not cringy. Maybe some snacks for late night. Room service breakfast.

It’s sounds lovely OP. You don’t need to frame it as a sex weekend! Just that you thought it would be a nice break from the kids for a night, for his birthday. If the sex happens, all the better!

This is exactly when you need to start doing it. You’ve raised your kids to the point that they can be left alone for a night, so now you need to spend time on your marriage as it sounds like neither of you have been able to do that.
If you don’t start giving your marriage attention and care, then you may not have one in 10 years.

It sounds like you still fancy him, he still fancies you and you want to do this stuff. So go do it!

Good job I asked him rather than just booking as he said no 🤣
He would like to go for something to eat/film but doesn't feel comfortable staying overnight, which I understand because I feel the same really.

Will go see the new Mandalorian film instead.

(Also I wanted to do the whole 'tacky lingerie thing' its been so long since anything like that!)

Can you expand on the “feeling uncomfortable” about a night in a hotel? What is for you that makes that feel wrong, and what is making your husband feel uncomfortable?

Is it being alone together? Is it the idea of having sex again?

Obviously you guys need to be comfortable, but being unable to go away for a night with your spouse is… problematic. What if you actually wanted to go and see or do something in a different part of the country, do you just not do it because you’d have to stay in a hotel?

I actually agree with him. If it’s the first time leaving kids overnight it might be too much pressure/ worries and you won’t be able to relax anyway.
Could you take time off and do something together while kids were at school/ college?

No, it's just leaving the kids alone. The eldest is over 18 but he is high functioning autistic and there have just been some incidents of like him not turning the oven off or letting the dogs out for the toilet and not shutting the door. Just things we always check over before bed and I just don't know if we would be able to relax thinking something might go wrong.
We do still have sex, but its just a lot different to how it used to be and i thought it might be fun to have some sex that isn't impeded by the bed being a bit noisy or thinking someone might knock on the door etc

Lingerie is not tacky it’s sexy especially for a couple .
A night away would be lovely .
Have you not got anyone who can come stay overnight in your house ?