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Is it naive to meet an old friend after a month of talking?

13 replies

notgoodwithnames · 15/05/2026 11:55

We're both 31.

He was a friend I had in primary school and we'd spoken in secondary school or college as well, can't remember which.

In May, he added me on FB. He said I look really familiar, and I said "so do you!" and it turns out he's one of my oldest friends who I lost contact with.

We've been talking since the start of May daily, and having fun playing online games together. We've shared selfies and we live on the same estate. Found out he literally lives a less than 5-minute walk down the road. He doesn't know I live that close, only that I'm nearby.

Growing up I hung around almost exclusively with lads, because I relate to them better being a tomboy and all.

I'm mentally hanging around 22-23 due to a (now treated) medical condition where my brain basically didn't hit record and was in a very spaced out state for a decade. It's a long story. He has been slightly flirty and we're both single.

Told my mum I'll probably meet him up at the cinema next month, we've been discussing it. My mum kind of freaked out, saying stuff like, he might have ulterior motives, he might kill you, and then she talked about these true crime cases she loves reading about. She said I need some life skills because I'm "too trusting".

In secondary school and college I had my mum drop me off at the cinema so I could go to the cinema with these geeky lad friends and she was fine with them and didn't say this type of stuff. For more context on that he's whatever you call the type of lad/man who wears tracksuits, shiny things and caps everyday and is a bit rough round the edges but nice. When I was in secondary school almost all of my friends were in that archetype and were some of the most loyal lads I've ever known. A bit hooligan-y, but not harmful.

She tells me stuff like "world's changed since then, you can't even go into town because there's lads with machetes trying to rob you".

Am I being naive, or?

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 15/05/2026 12:03

I would go, it sounds like you both get on well and are both single so what have you got to lose. You're going to the cinema so a public place so you will be safe.

I could understand your mum's concerns if it was a stranger you'd met on the Internet but this is someone you know from school.

SallyAnnDrivesACar · 15/05/2026 12:06

I wouldn't go to a cinema, no chance to talk. A cafe or a pub? Don't go anywhere alone with him until you know him better.

Tollington · 15/05/2026 12:12

A 31 y/o man that wears tracksuits and caps. Does he have a man bag and an e-scooter too?

notgoodwithnames · 15/05/2026 12:13

Tollington · 15/05/2026 12:12

A 31 y/o man that wears tracksuits and caps. Does he have a man bag and an e-scooter too?

It's a common look/vibe around here. I wear tracksuits and caps too, and no, he doesn't.

OP posts:
notgoodwithnames · 15/05/2026 12:14

SallyAnnDrivesACar · 15/05/2026 12:06

I wouldn't go to a cinema, no chance to talk. A cafe or a pub? Don't go anywhere alone with him until you know him better.

He offered to take me to eat somewhere, so probably McDonalds or a cafe at the bowling alley.

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Arlanymor · 15/05/2026 12:17

It's only a fortnight of talking if this all started at the beginning of May. I think you need to both be clear about why you are meeting - is it friendship or is this a date? Either way, meet in public, people can be great online and awful in person, and that includes people you use to know when you were a child.

ChocHotolate · 15/05/2026 12:17

Go for it.
Be aware that he might be hoping to get you into bed at some point. But as long as you have your eyes open to this, it sounds like you have nothing to lose.

Divebar2021 · 15/05/2026 12:19

You know him OP - he’s not a stranger. Even if he were a stranger you can take the necessary precautions and go and meet him somewhere in public. Tell someone where you’re going to be (which is the advice for meeting anyone offline). Your mother sounds like the deranged one here. Have fun.

notgoodwithnames · 15/05/2026 12:19

Arlanymor · 15/05/2026 12:17

It's only a fortnight of talking if this all started at the beginning of May. I think you need to both be clear about why you are meeting - is it friendship or is this a date? Either way, meet in public, people can be great online and awful in person, and that includes people you use to know when you were a child.

Right now it's friendship with a hint of flirtiness

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 15/05/2026 12:20

Your mum needs to stop reading so much true crime and come back to the real world!

blacksax · 15/05/2026 12:23

Your mum has issues and is catastrophising. Yes, you do need to proceed with a sensible amount of caution, but your mum's reaction is worryingly over the top. She needs to cut back on being so obsessed with all the 'true crime' stuff, because she's now thinking all that stuff is commonplace but of course it is not.

Fantailed · 15/05/2026 12:27

Blueuggboots · 15/05/2026 12:20

Your mum needs to stop reading so much true crime and come back to the real world!

Yes, she sounds deeply alarmist.

Just meet him somewhere public, and if, after you chat, you decide this is either not your thing, or is just a rekindled platonic friendship, then be very clear that you won’t be sleeping with him. Which of course may not be what he wants either. It’s deeply unlikely that your childhood friend will machete you in row 12 of the local Odeon. What he wears is irrelevant.

notgoodwithnames · 15/05/2026 12:51

Fantailed · 15/05/2026 12:27

Yes, she sounds deeply alarmist.

Just meet him somewhere public, and if, after you chat, you decide this is either not your thing, or is just a rekindled platonic friendship, then be very clear that you won’t be sleeping with him. Which of course may not be what he wants either. It’s deeply unlikely that your childhood friend will machete you in row 12 of the local Odeon. What he wears is irrelevant.

She's been really into true crime podcasts lately so there's that lol

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