Did moving up the socio economic ladder make you happier?

[Pendapala]

According to research by the Sutton trust people who move up the socio economic ladder enjoy higher levels of well-being compared with those who stay at a similar level through their lives. However, they do not catch up to the higher levels of well-being enjoyed by those who were raised affluent.

Is this true for you?

I come from a very happy, stable working/ lower middle class family. By virtue of a scholarship to a high achieving independent school, Oxbridge and marrying into a posh London family (husband went to Westminster and works in the City), I guess I have (not really intentionally) climbed several rungs up the ladder. To be honest, I think coming from a happy and stable family to start off with has made the biggest difference to my well-being and self esteem, but there is something to be said for enjoying advantages in life that I will never take for granted. Especially private healthcare, independent schools and help about the house. When I meet MiL for our annual Chelsea Flower Show visit and dinner at Medlar, it will feel pretty normal to her but immensely exciting to me as it does every year.

www.suttontrust.com/news-opinion/all-news-opinion/happiness-gap-shows-class-shapes-lifelong-wellbeing/

Yes it has made my life much less stressful in many ways. Worrying about money and things like paying the rent, buying food, which concerned me all my life up to the age of about 25, was very stressful. Now my life is easy in that respect and I can, as you say, afford private health care, a cleaner, some extravagances which I think I probably do appreciate more for being new to the game! But it has meant moving away from my lovely family and I can't pretend I don't get jealous of their lives too, which generally don't involve working stupid hours. And the job can be stressful.

(For info I was raised by a single parent on low income + benefits etc, free school meals. Now in top 1% earners probably)

Yes, my childhood was plagued by financial stress, people knocking at the door, parental depression, which resulted in massive anxiety, worry, inability to fit in. I got myself a degree and a career and have been financially stable ever since and have been much happier since.

One is not sure what you mean by the phrase "up the socio economic ladder".
I mean where can one like I, go..?

Interesting question and I suspect answers will differentiate between moving up the financial ladder and the social one.

Happy then
Happy now
Having apparently climbed

So no not really but that’s because I had a high bar happiness to start with - with my “lower” working class parents

Yes. My upward trajectory is minor compared to some. But having financial independence, stability and career success gives me pleasure. The big things, people, health, work/life balance are still there. But the stability underneath is priceless.

Should just say, socially I haven't risen. I could have if I'd wanted to, but I appreciate my working class culture and don't aspire to be middle class. Having said that, I am a little more distanced from those at the level I started out at. Not due to snobbery, because I am one of them, but because I just have a little less in common with them not.

@frozendaisy I think that makes a huge difference. My father isn’t the wealthiest, but he probably is objectively the most contented man I know. And he has absolutely no status anxiety, he is great at just taking people as they come and assuming he will get on with them. This has generally been my assumption when I have found myself in unfamiliar social situations (The Carlton Club- ahhh!) and subsequently people are generally nice back.

I think the interesting point is that you came from a happy stable family background - even if you were not rolling in money. You cannot put a price on that.

Many people - irrespective of their original place on the „social ladder“ - come from unhappy and unstable famiy backgrounds, or from no family at all, and it is difficult to remedy that, however much money you end up with.

Yes for sure. I’m not surprised the happiness is not the same level as someone raised affluent though. Because we have to worry about losing jobs etc and don’t have the same self confidence or safety net that someone less reliant on a job for income does. Im sure it takes a few generations to lose tha

My father was exactly the same. Interesting as it’s the same here - for no particular reason too, just a very contented man.

While the plural of anecdote isn’t data, and one obviously can’t extrapolate our fathers to the population, I can’t help gently wondering if women/estrogen/anxiety/issues are all linked….

I’ve moved down it - I grew up in a house in posh London area with two professional parents and went to private school, now I’m a public sector worker on relatively rubbish pay and a single mum budget with tiny flat - not what I had expected life to be like in my late 40s when I was at school getting straight a*s and had a more glamorous social life of posh nightclubs etc!

Nope. I just have different worries now.

I came from a family of climbers, as did Dh. It was something we bonded about when we first met. My grandparents set up a business in my town and were very successful despite coming from very little. It worked in that my uncles went to university and my Mum married a professional. But my Gran and mum were obsessed with keeping up appearances and being accepted by the 'right type'. Gran lied a lot about herself, even to us sometimes. I was encouraged, almost forced to befriend doctors kids and other professionals. I wasn't allowed mix with children who dads were in trades. I don't know to what extent I was manipulated as a child but I still resent the interference as a teen. I was not allowed go to certain housing areas, I had to fake sick to get out of a project because I wasn't allowed have a girl from a council house on my team. I was moved to a 'better' school and took elocution to prevent me sounding like a 'local'. I then made a lovely friend in my new school, until my parents found out her Dad worked in a factory and she was barred and phone calls weren't passed on. It was absolutely ridiculous. Similarly Dhs mum grew up in the city we live in now, in the really dodgy side, in urban poverty. She married FIL, a respectable WC man and he worked his way to senior management. They lived in a nice suburb and she became estranged from her family. There were other reasons too, she had a very hard childhood..but dh never met his first cousins who all live nearby. She changed her accent and worked her way into the tennis club and golf club society. Unlike my family who would throw lavish parties only inviting the types they valued, MIL was extremely cagey and never allowed visitors, like she was afraid she'd betray herself. Like my Gran she lied a lot.

I admit I did well out of it as did DH but we both feel strongly about social climbers and elitism and social bigotry. I had a difficult relationship with my family because of their values, dh lost out on so much. I resented mine for so many years and had little respect for MIL. However now that I'm older I often think how incredibly stressful and lonely it must have been. Always feeling unsatisfied and like an imposter. I don't get it and cannot respect it. Those that rise above difficult beginnings and speak proudly of it are different. I have huge admiration for that.

Yes.

i was very ill as a teen and my grandma paid for me to have an operation privately (nhs wouldn’t put me on the list).

i am much higher up socio economically than my parents and my ExH (we were married for 22 years) is the same,

it makes a hell of a difference having money. Really does.

Definitely true. I was raised in a working class / underclass family. I remember when we didn’t have a phone in the house and my mom washed our clothes in the bath as we could not afford a washing machine. And that was a family of 6 in the 80s. Not having money issues is a thing of pleasure in my adulthood.

I think the rising has a greater proportionate effect the lower you start. I started life in precariate chaos. I may not have reached the heights of Carlton Club and Chelsea Flower Show, but my modest climb has probably had a greater positive effect than someone climbing the same number of rungs from eg lower middle class.

I’d like the chance to find out … 😆🙁

I came from a very poor family, my parents broke up when I was very little and my Mother ended up with an alcoholic. There was not much at all.

I agree with @SmallTreeDeepRoots my life became incredibly chaotic, stuff like my Mother forgetting to collect us from school, a sausage roll for dinner and that was it, never given breakfast. The rise has been many rungs up the ladder for me. The difference is huge.

I agree that anyone that makes it our of a chaotic family which is so much more than just being poor, that’s the biggest jump in happiness levels.

I don’t know what it’s like to come from a happy and stable family but having more money has definitely solved 99% of my problems. There’s no stress like constantly thinking of money and limiting what you eat to avoid spending too much of it. Removing that is a massive upgrade.

I guess if happiness is tied to security and lack of anxiety / stress then yes very much so (and I think it is deeply tied). I have a similar story to you (without the private schooling) and the financial security I have now is a huge element in feeling calmer and therefore happier. I don’t however feel any more happiness being invited to a fancy event or meeting people who think themselves very important. I don’t feel it in nice restaurants. I feel happiness much more from my husband/kids/work/friends and genuine small things like a daily coffee or good book or walk in the park. I suppose it can be good for confidence/ego to be more connected, especially if underestimated. But I don’t think I’ll ever feel I ‘belong’ in the environments some of my peers do.

Yes, it definitely has and to me it seems logical that it would. I grew up on a council estate and my parents claimed benefits. I was a single parent for a long time then I married a high earner. Now we have private education for our dcs, private health and dental care, no budget for social activities and life is pretty happy and easy. I appreciate it every day although I am at ease with it and I'm not humbled by it. Socially, we mix with other high income families, mostly international backgrounds, but not Old Money types and I don't think we ever would. I am generally happier on my own and don't socialise much generally.

I also moved down it. Didn’t go to private school but my Dads income was top 1% of earners back in the day.

I’m a public sector worker on low pay, forced to live very frugally and didn’t expect my life to turn out like this either.

I was very lucky my parents gifted the deposit for my small flat (50%) but I still have to worry about rising service charges and don’t get to save much.

I often feel like a failure for being behind in life despite having financial support from my parents. I do have autism though which may be one reason why I’ve struggled to excel career wise.

I hide some of my extreme frugalness from family because I’m embarrassed.

I grew up in a lower working class backgroud dependent upon one man's wage. My parents were constantly arguing about money or rather the lack of it. Poverty marked my early teen years and lack of a smart school uniform. Mine was second hand and I never looked tidy. As a teen my parents stood in the way of my advancing myself and were really no help. I went into a profession and qualified by taking the examinations part time. It was tough. As soon as I could afford it I left home.

My parents often made snippy remarks about my "snobby" lifestyle and friends. We were all too conscious that I was now in a very different social position than my parents and sister. This became exaggerated when I went to uni and eventually became an academic.

I had moved far away from my parents and their lack of aspiration. I know that my sister envied my lifestyle. She made different choices.

I’ve been happier without a doubt. It’s wasn’t a big climb but being ND has limited me in higher education and career opportunities. My DH is solid and stable in every way. My brother is also ND and has suffered immensely later in life and moved down the ladder, which he’s finding hard to accept.