Posting here for traffic as I didn't know where else to put it...
I'm 40. Lost my dad just before I turned 13 after years of abuse and alcoholism (hence the username). He and my mum were still together at the time but as awful as it sounds his death allowed her and I the freedom to live much more of a life than we ever would have been able to if we were still living under his iron first. I'm an only child. My mum is 67 - she has a brother but he lives overseas. I have an aunt and uncle and cousins I'm very close to, and good friends, but the core of my family has always been my mum and I.
We've been through a lot, ups and downs, including her having breast cancer three years ago - she had surgery and chemo and was given the all clear. But a few months back she started having weird neurological symptoms - loss of balance, slurring her words, dragging her foot along the floor. Was initially referred to the stroke unit, but no sign of a stroke or TIA.
Was then referred for an urgent MRI scan under the two-week wait pathway. Still waiting for the results (they said 7-10 days but not sure if that's working or calendar - it was Thursday 30th April). Clearly they think her previous cancer had spread without signs or symptoms until now. I hadn't realised until she told me that it's very common for breast cancer to spread to the brain, but if that's what it is then it's treatable but not curable. I know I don't know if it's definitely that but struggling to see another explanation. The prognosis in this type of patient is a few years at the most.
I'm not ready for this - I don't know how I would carry on, how I would function. She doesn't want me to speak to anyone in real life about this and to make them worry but I've never felt so alone in my life - until I lose her I guess. Losing my dad changed me so much as a person, I know it would happen eventually but I didn't think it would be now.
All the support, the logistics, the practicalities (even now I have to give her lifts everywhere already as she's not allowed to drive) they all fall onto me. I just don't think I'm strong enough to cope - everyone I know says I'm one of the strongest, most resilient people they've ever met (I'm ASD so have been through that bullying, a DV relationships, almost died in an accident, my own mental and physical illness, etc.) but this is absolutely breaking me. I've told my manager at work but I'm new into the role so don't know him well enough to tell him any of the above.
I just don't know what to do