What were your ASD/ADHD girls like at age 4/5?

[MamaOooh]

Wondering about my own daughter. She's 4, turning 5 in August. Things are just hard at the moment, so many people have told me things get easier at this age but I'm not finding that at all.

She seems to have developed typically on the surface but I've mentally flagged a few behaviours since she was a toddler (toe walking, although this stopped before she was 3), hating loud noises (still), fussy with food (still but it's improving). Recently however the things I'm struggling to navigate are:

• Running off. She will still leg it and often ignores me when I call her back especially if she is with a friend. Claims she won't cross the road or anything but not the point, I need to be able trust her not to run away from me and I can't. Making her hold my hand has limited success, usually results in her kicking off which is particularly embarrassing if we are outside school or with others. This is my main concern tbh.

• Chewing everything! Her hair, her clothes, her toys. I've bought her a chewy necklace which has helped but she gets so angry when I try and stop her Chewing something for her own safety, or because I don't want it damaged.

• Fierce tantrums when things don't go her way. Way worse than the 'terrible 2s'. Can't stand being told no, please give space etc and it just makes her more intense. I've read about demand avoidance and it seems to fit but my mum seems to think she is just strong willed.

• Difficulty going to sleep at night. Often still up at gone 9pm despite bedtime starting at 7.

I feel quite tense a lot of the time, like I'm waiting for the next tricky situation, but equally she's also FAB other times - very bright, never struggled to make friends, good company, likes to do and try lots of different things out of her comfort zone and mostly seems happy.

I guess I'm just looking for some experienced of girls who went on to by diagnosed ND, what flags did you notice at age 4/5? Thank you x

My DD13 (AuDHD) was batshit around that age. Running off OMG. She was a nightmare. She had zero boundaries and didn’t respond to discipline of any kind. Explanations went in one ear and out the other, time outs she’d just laugh and run off. She’d talk to anyone, had zero fear of anything. Was hyperactive and the noisiest child you ever met. Couldn’t sit still, was constantly dancing, spinning, running off during meals.
I remember I couldn’t attend her sports day one year as I was working, so another mum sent me a video of her race. All the other kids were lined up focussed waiting for the race to start and she was spinning round and round, waving her hands in the other kids faces.
Huge huge meltdowns until she was quite old (can still have the odd one). I suspected ADHD from very young age but autism only started being apparent when she hit puberty. She was diagnosed age 12.

That sounds very similar to mine. Did you find anything that makes things easier?

My youngest didn't run off like my eldest did (eldest NT) but the chewing drove me crazy. The first indication that she was ND was that she could never just sit. She would roll, put her legs in the air, roll the other way, fidget and spin. That was on the floor or in a chair.

She was late to speak but once she started she just didn't stop.

We didn't have the sleep issue because I coslept with her and she didn't go to bed until I did; I'd already spent many years when her brother was little sitting at the top of the stairs making him go back into his room and I wasn't doing that again.

I think for me the confirmation was her nursery Nativity when she stood next to a member of staff who kept their hand on her the entire time. This was repeated at her first 2 school Nativities.

ADHD dx came at 5-6. Paed assumed ASD as well but not been formally dx. Now 19 yo.

Oh god the chewing. I’d almost forgotten 😩😩 One time she chewed (and ate) the feet off 6 Barbies. I took her to A&E as there were some sharp bits and when the doc asked why she just shrugged and said “I was hungry, mummy didn’t give me enough breakfast”

She was never a runner. But she was very very restless and had terrible sleep problems (still does age 10).

She was very obstinate and would argue every point. She used to constantly call us to come back again and again after bedtime, so we sat down with her and said “mummy and daddy are only going to come once”. Ok, she says. That night she called me so I went up. 10 mins later she called for Daddy. We reminded her of the new agreement and she said “no; you said ‘mummy AND daddy will come once’. Mummy has come and now daddy can come”. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 We laughed at the time but knowing what we know now, this wasn’t her being argumentative or deliberately obtuse, this was autism and she genuinely believed it that way.

She was diagnosed with ADHD & Autism when she was 7. Now I look back and I see the signs were there.

Very very behind in physical development and very very ahead in academics. Still in nappies and eating baby food and not sleeping through yet was put on the ‘gifted and talented’ register and was taken off to do extra work weekly. Took GCSE’s early but couldn’t even ride a scooter things like that.

to add GCSE’s weren’t at 4-5 she did those at 11/12/13