What makes your life meaningful to you?

[1218kg]

I want to find the meaning of my life. It might sound like a strange statement but I'm feeling very lost and I need to find a purpose to focus on.

I'll give a bit of background. My relationship has just broken down. My son's father is being difficult and will not co-parent effectively with me. My son has a profound disability and I don't get a lot of down time.

Positively my job and housing situation is stable, although I would love to move and I think this plays a massive part of my "unhappiness" (aside from the other bits of course!). However, I can't move yet but I'm planning for this.

I just want to find meaning in those hours where I feel down and lonely. It's hard to do things with my son's disability.

I'd love to know what others do with their time which feels meaningful to them.

Do you have space where you can grow something? A balcony? A yard? A garden? It’s a very small thing, but every time I sow seeds or plant something, I feel I am placing my faith in the future. I grow a lot of food, which also makes me feel I am doing something even on a small scale to sustain my family. I still have failures, after decades of doing it, but the successes give me such joy - and a sense of achievement

This probably won't help you much OP, but for me it's my family. That includes my wider family.

I love growing things and having a nice house, not a very expensive house but in a nice (not posh) place, decorated the way I want. I like to craft, I like music and reading, but without my family those things don't mean much to me.

My work. (I write novels.) Art, nature. Friendships.

I was going to say just my kids but this struck a chord with me and I actually do get a lot of fulfilment out of tending to my garden, even though I'm very new to it and not the best. It's a good way to see direct results of your efforts. Lots of dopamine hits.

What did you enjoy when you were younger/childfree?

I've got 2 dogs and am hugely territorial about having my walking time with them everyday. Fresh air, exercise and headspace are things I hugely value. Keeps me fit, keeps me sane, and gives me a break from everything else in my life.

Family. Especially my daughter.

Close friends.

Making a positive difference to my community.

Learning, developing and striving to become the best possible version of myself.

I don’t have one big meaning of life, but rather moments I enjoy.

I enjoy getting lost in a hobby - be that a book, colouring or a jigsaw.

I love tending my garden. I wouldn’t even call myself a gardener

I find joy in getting an iced coffee.

I try to fill my life with these moments

I was single & lived alone for many years - it’s hard as I really believe we are wired for connection

I did/do take joy in a nice home, growing things (even just a few pots outside) & ‘creating’ - I like to sew and bake

If I feel lonely or know I’m not going to see anyone all day calling a friend helps

I think you will find a lot of women need friends- either because they live alone or sadly don’t feel as much connection as they like to their partner

Try to strike up real life connections (eg can you chat to neighbours, join a group re an interest or related to your sons needs)

I have a career, home etc but it’s connection to friends and family that gives my life meaning: and this doesn’t only come from a partner

On days I’m

If you get time to read, Arthur C Brooks has written a couple of books on this topic. They are a good read.

Exercise.

It’s up to us to choose our own meaning in life. For me, I think the point of life is to pass the time in the most enjoyable way you can, and to experience all life has to offer (try things, go to places, explore, read, eat).

I second this.

I know why you’re feeling like this. My DH and I split 3 yrs ago (we are back together but we were apart for over a year), people kept saying to me “you can do all the things you want to do now”, I had no idea what that was anymore, my life was so different and I was so much older than when we got together, I just didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. I know they meant well but it just made me feel more lost and adrift. I was a wife, a mother, a worker and all of that was taken from me in that time, my husband left, my dc were both in the process of leaving home and my job seemed to empty and I hated it.
I decided to write a journal and just thought dumped every night. I slowly arranged my thoughts into a more rational plan. I wrote about what I thought my life would look like to make me happy. I made a list of things to do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly. Meeting friends, exercising, walks, trips, holidays and travel, getting into nature, learning a language, I even plotted things like watching a film or a tv show, or making myself a nice meal and listening to music or reading a book. My life slowly started to take shape and I made small steps to getting what I wanted. Some were easy, pick up a book, take a walk, some needed more planning and I start on those. When DH and I got back together, I continued with it all as I’d started to get excited about it. I’ve even added some new things in.