“It’s just kids and bills and citalopram and radio2”

[Farfromthemaddingcrow]

I’ve recently been feeling something and I can’t quite put my finger on it, wondering if there’s a name for it.

Did anyone else get a sense of emotional intensity or vividness at certain points in their life, like life some how had more meaning and intensity and suddenly you can discover new depths of things or yourself. Like you feel more alive.

The examples I can recall all seem to relate to being younger like when I was a student, freer, for example certain music, books, films, intense experiences with friends like staying up late putting the world to rights. Connecting deeply with someone, not just boyfriends but friends too, like they see into your soul. Doing spontaneous things….

there a name for this feeling? Or am I just weird!

I feel a bit flat and I miss that intensity that my 20s had. My life is nice, I have a lot to be grateful for but it’s very stable and routine with a lot of responsibilities and commitments and little freedom which is fine but sometimes it’s be nice to feel that feeling again.

the title of the thread is from Motherland, it sort of sums up how I’m feeling at the moment!

Not necessarily a “feeling” but sounds like you’re describing being unburdened.

yes, I think it is difficult to get that feeling when burdened by responsibility but it’s not just being unburdened it’s sort of like being carefree and also electric, intense emotions, not necessarily happy. Hmm, I’m probably not explaining myself well!

I think a lot of it is to do with brain development, experiences we have when our brains are not mature feel and sit in our brains quite differently to when we are a bit older.

I know my teenage experiences take up a lot more of my memory and feel much more formative than the (in actual true fact) really significant things in my twenty and thirties, but those stick less!

So yes, your brain is probably associating a really intense and vivid feeling to older memories because they were the ones to make new connections and pathways for you.

Ot maybe everything was better in the 90s…

Haha 😝 maybe! Yes I think it definitely is like formative experiences I’m thinking of.

wish my brain would still do that….

It’s called youth. So much potential and possibility without the burden or fears associated with responsibility. The world is your oyster and expectations of you are lower allowing you the opportunity to dream big.

You don’t have to lose that but maybe you need to change what it looks like slightly. It’s all still there waiting to be discovered. I’ve had phases throughout my life when I’ve felt like that and I expect there will be more before I
die.

I don’t live a conventional or traditional life though and prioritise my contentment over things like promotion/earning lots. I often work to pay to learn my next new thing then take time out to do so but it meant thinking differently about work and not caring for career progression as much. It all depends really on what you want from life.

It happens when experiences feel new and exciting. I'm in my early 60s, DC have left home and I am free to have a few more adventures these days. That feeling has returned. I also get it when a work project goes really well or if I have achieved something that was hard but worth it (finishing a complicated craft project or getting better at a physical activity.)

I think the feeling comes and goes and can't really be explained

Some times and experiences - they're just like that, really beautiful and you wouldn't be able to explain to anybody else why they were really beautiful. Like there was just a sense of euphoria that day.

I don't link it up to youth.

I think if you're going through a hard time in life, then it's unlikely to happen. I have plenty of experience of antidepressants, and that doesn't link to it either.

in my case, it's definitely more likely to happen on a sunny day! But there was one day I was out with my best friend and it just randomly became the best day! We had lunch and drinks and decided to stay out and it was just a really great day. In winter, which is unusual. I don't know, maybe the stars just aligned!

So I thought of 2 occasions when I felt this recently. After I had a phone call from my consultant and received some really good health news, I was standing in the middle of a playing field surrounded by beautiful countryside and it was a perfect sunny morning.

back in September we went to a safari park for my baby’s first birthday with my sister and her family when suddenly there was a torrential downpour. We were running through the rain getting totally soaked and laughing about it. Everyone else left the park so we were virtually the only visitors as the weather was so terrible. We happened to shelter in the giraffe enclosure and the keeper was there feeding them on this sort of platform at their head height. As it was just us he showed us how to feed them and we spent half an hour just silently feeding them and listening to the rain pour down outside with their huge heads centimetres from us. I still get shivers thinking about that day now.

Surely what you're describing is happiness? Have we really lost sight of that. Intense happiness, but happiness none the less. Contrast with difficult periods may be making it more intense.

I call these moments ‘golden moments’. Times in your life where everything feels aligned and there’s a moment of magic.

I think it’s because, as we get older and have more responsibilities, we are so busy with the mundane that these moments really stand out.

YEs I remember intense emotions about songs. Long chats with friends about anything and everything. Huge crushes on guys that felt all consuming . Big excitement over going out - what too wear, buying a new dress, doing my nails. Me and my friends taking 2/3 hours to get ready whilst listening to music. Everything felt big and exciting and important. Boys, friends and going out was everything.

I’ve also had moments as an adult where everything felt perfect like when I was on holiday once we watched this amazing show with hugely talented cast and I felt so peaceful and happy watching it. After the birth of my dd , when I got engaged. My wedding day. On honeymoon with dh having a cocktail on the beach and I was so happy and in love.

Sadly I think the older you get and the more hardship/declining health you endure the more rare these moments are. The last time i remember having one was about 8 years ago.

@Farfromthemaddingcrow I think what you are describing are fully in the moment moments of intense pleasure with super clarity. I believe we all have emotions and feelings we barely "feel" or recognise as they happen, for different reasons. The brain cleverly seems to filter some more difficult ones to protect us. As I've aged I've found that to be happy I have to give more attention to the little fleeting moments as they happen, or I miss them. And thats a shame. Notice the little sparks of joy. Its what life is about. As the saying goes "wake up and smell the roses". 🌹🌹🌹

It's when your enjoying intense happiness over the simpler things in life !
I feel like this when I take my old dog for a stroll in the sunshine !
Recently felt intense happiness when my grown up kids took DH on a hike and they had a lovely day together !
I think when life is unburdened by everyday stressors I'm more than likely get these feelings ! I'm nearly 50 !

You should read The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle - it’s about living in the moment but it’s not a fluffy self help book, it’s quite philosophical.

The first time you experience things the novelty of it all tends to enhance things and make it feel better.

If you have only ever experienced something that is 5 out of 10 on a scale of awesomeness, then the first time you experience a 6 is amazing. Then you go on and experience a 7 etc. But at a certain point you run out of easily accessable "new" exciting things to do and repeating the old ones feels a bit boring.

I remember when I first got my kitten even the annoying tasks like litter trays had a novelty to them - I remember saying "awww look her turds are so tiny and adorable". But it wears off and becomes "just another daily task" quickly.

Seek out new things you've never done and you can bring some of it back. Try new hobbies, try new music, new genres of books and films and TV. Go to new places and meet new people.