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Original poster

Year 10 son had his new hoody taken by a friend

30 replies

Ohbother · 08/05/2026 22:56

Gah! DS in year 10 came home from hanging out with friends in the park and told us that one of the lads he was with has stolen his hoody, an expensive one he saved up for and bought yesterday. This lad asked to try it on then refused to give it back and said he'd pay DS for it next week. DS tried to take it back and the lad got a bit pushy so DS backed off and the lad 'promised' to pay him for it. Basically he got mugged by someone he thought was kind of a friend. DS has come home furious, embarrassed and super stressed. He doesnt want to be labelled a snitch by getting us involved, and he feels like he has no leverage and will lose face if the lad doesn't pay him back. And it was his hoody, he loved it and wants it back. Of course we've told him that bullies prey on those kind of fears and we can support him however he needs to stand up for himself. Why are teenagers such dicks sometimes? Who takes clothes off someone, what a fucking nasty shitty thing to do. I want to go round to his house and give him a clip round the ear but a. I don't know where he lives and b. DS says that would guarantee social death at school. Arrrghhh!

Anyone had success helping their teen stand up to a 'mate' being a bully?

OP posts:
HedgehogMugs · 08/05/2026 23:18

Just go round his house and ask him and/or his parents for it back.

Original poster
Ohbother · 08/05/2026 23:37

Yeah i have no idea who this boy is or where he lives, DS doesn't know where he lives either.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/05/2026 23:51

If someone did this to you, what would you do?

jetlag92 · 08/05/2026 23:53

Go to the park with him next time, he can point the guy out and you can get it back.

Original poster
Ohbother · 09/05/2026 00:17

If someone did this to me I'd take it back or reprt them to the police because I wouldn't be remotely.worried about being called a snitch or losing all my mates as a result, because I'm an adult and I know what's what. Unfortunately my teenager is stuck in the trap of being afraid to stand up in case it results in a fight, afraid to escalate because he'll be ostracised for snitching, and not knowing how to sort it out for himself but wanting to because he is trying to exercise independence. If he was younger I would indeed just sort it for him. But he's old enough now that I don't know his friends and he isn't going to point them out to me if he thinks I'm going to 'embarrass him'. God it's awful being a teenager!

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 09/05/2026 05:41

And the rest stood around letting this unfold?

frozendaisy · 09/05/2026 05:50

You know he’s not getting money for it.
This is going to depend on if peer pressure of the group makes the thief hand it back.

Who is he close to?

And why would it be social suicide if you turned up asking his parents to hand it over? Is this thief some wannabe gang leader?

Does your son want to hang out with them again? Even if he got another hoodie (from you) would he be made to let the thief’s best mate try it on and the same thing happen?

This wouldn’t happen with our year 10 group the thief would be lynched they wouldn’t care about “social suicide”.

It’s that everyone else let this happen that’s concerning.

But if nothing is to be done, chalk it up to experience, see if he gets any money (he won’t), replace it for him once, and start keeping his distance from this bunch and see if there are nicer teens doing more interesting stuff than stealing clothes around.

MynameisnotJohn · 09/05/2026 06:29

I’ve brought up three teens and none of them would think someone was weak or pathetic for trying to get their stuff back. He needs to tell everyone and get them on side. Someone will know who he is.

followtheswallow · 09/05/2026 06:47

That’s awful, @Ohbother . I can definitely see how this happened and it’s not easy to deal with at all. After all, once it was on the other kid your ds could hardly forcefully undress him, and the others are probably not going to be all that fussed one way or another about the ownership of a hoodie.

Is it worth contacting school? I know it’s out of school but it’s still
bullying.

HedgehogMugs · 09/05/2026 07:25

Ohbother · 08/05/2026 23:37

Yeah i have no idea who this boy is or where he lives, DS doesn't know where he lives either.

If they go to the same school, call them up.

Roads · 09/05/2026 07:34

Surely one of the other lads knows where he lives?

I would be going round regardless of it being social death at school.

MissyB1 · 09/05/2026 07:40

So firstly he needs to recognise now that not only that thief is not his friend but the others who stood by and didn’t help him don’t get any friend of the year awards either. He needs to think again about hanging out with these people.

Secondly he needs to ask around to find out the address of this kid, if he can get it then you go and try and get the hoody. But it may be gone for good now. I’m sorry this happened to him it’s shit.

Original poster
Ohbother · 09/05/2026 08:03

We're in south London, the school is fairly good but it is definitely not 'naice' and I can well imagine that snitching is considered pretty bad. This is a group of boys he is trying to get more in with and it's safe to say they are much 'cooler' than his other friends. We've had concerns about this group before and we will now be much more active in trying to stop him spending too much time with them outside of school.

He says the other boys also tried to persuade the thief to give it back but sort of gave up when it got a bit tense. The thief is quite popular although I suspect now that is more by force than anything else.

This was the first time we've let him hang out at the park in the evening. We only let him go because it's lighter outside and it was a small gathering (as opposed to the massive hangouts organised on Snapchat, another bone of contention because we don't allow him to have that so he gets teased for that). He had to leave earlier than all the others so they all hung out after he'd left too.

DH was fully ready to drive round the area looking for them to yank it back but DS was so upset at the prospect that he didn't.

I'm going to talk to him again this morning and see if he is a bit more rational once he's had some sleep and can think about it with fresh eyes. We're totally happy to go to this lad's house etc but somewhat reliant on DS to tell us his full name, find out where he lives etc. I am probably going to have a chat with his head of year too, so that she can at least keep an eye on things in school.

OP posts:
Chocolattcoffeecup · 09/05/2026 08:07

That's a horrible thing to do. This child is not your DS friend. He's a thief and a bully.

It sounds like the other kids there knew it was wrong so I don't think your DS would look bad if you went round there. It doesn't even matter that he said he would pay (which he won't) as it's not for sale!

Can you tell the school if you don't have his address,

What a brat!!

Possiblyfamous · 09/05/2026 08:11

Why involve the school?

Divebar2021 · 09/05/2026 08:12

Well it was a theft regardless of whether he plans to pay. Those he reconsiders the “ cool” friends because it sounds like a lot of
posturing and insincerity and it really doesn’t provide a lot.

I do think you should consider the Snapchat decision. ( I get the concerns with SM. My DD14 is not allowed Tik Tok.). What concerns do you have about it specifically?

Original poster
Ohbother · 09/05/2026 08:12

Yeah he is a total brat. DS let me look at this lad's instagram and it's all vaping, vodka and trying to look a bit like a roadman. So we will be taking steps to ensure DS keeps his distance, either voluntarily or forcibly.

OP posts:
Strangecat · 09/05/2026 08:16

When I was a teenager, I had a 18k gold bracelet my mum gifted me. This girl in my group asked to try it on, I should have said no. She tried it on and wouldn’t take it off. She said I’ll borrow it and wear it a bit and give it back next time. she was the cousin of my best friend. I refused but she didn’t want to give it back. Went home in a state, my parents were so upset with me, I was devastated. We tried so hard to get it back but she never did return my bracelet. I am in my 40s and that was the hardest lesson I have learned in my life.
Your DC will never get it back or money for it. let it go. put it down as a lesson also as who you hang out with.

CapriceDeDieux · 09/05/2026 08:17

Is there any mileage in changeing the narrative? Rather than your DS being characterised as a snitch, he calls this kid out as a thief and a prick?

Original poster
Ohbother · 09/05/2026 08:17

Yeah we have been quite concerned about the risk of bullying and grooming on Snapchat, as well as the fact that it is used round here to organise massive impromptu gatherings in parks at night. But i do recognise that it is becoming a real social problem for DS that he doesnt have it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohbother · 09/05/2026 08:20

CapriceDeDieux · 09/05/2026 08:17

Is there any mileage in changeing the narrative? Rather than your DS being characterised as a snitch, he calls this kid out as a thief and a prick?

That's what we advised him last night, he was too angry and embarrassed to really talk properly but we will revisit this idea today. He needs to peer pressure this lad to give it back, be very wary of this group from now on, and make sure he never shares his stuff again with people he doesn't really know or trust. Hard lesson to learn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohbother · 09/05/2026 08:22

@strangecat that's awful.

OP posts:
Leopardspota · 09/05/2026 08:26

Could he approach it by taking the piss out of the kid that took it? Mike’s such a scrounger he takes my clothes? Can’t afford his own so he wants it second hand? Might force the kid that took it to give it back and remind everyone one he was only joking of course.

best option is probably to attempt to get the group to address the issue, if they won’t he needs to stick to his proper friends.

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 09/05/2026 08:28

Ds would have the last laugh if the police were involved..

CapriceDeDieux · 09/05/2026 08:29

It's the resilience thing isn't it. But showing disdain and strength (and keeping the hell away from them) will serve him better. He isn't likely to get the hoodie back or any money, which is a hard lesson, but this kid has shown who he is.

Also I would keep this incident in my back pocket and if you come across parents at a school event or parent's evening just drop it into conversation- "Ah yes, we know Tarquin, he has a bit of a habit of taking other people's things doesn't he?"

if it is becoming a thing with these boys, I would flag early with school.