How can I message friend to clear the air?

[Ironplate]

How do I word a message that doesn't make things worse?

I have a long standing friend who's been off with me periodically for 18 months, which coincided with when I got together with BF, a mutual friend of ours, but I don't know for sure that's connected.

I started when I, for the first time ever, cancelled on her because I was quite luterally having a MH breakdown. I told her I couldn't go because I was really struggling (with things she knew about). I got a 👍 response and every subsequent message was ignored for 2 weeks.

There have been further similar episodessince. Once because we had a disagreement about political views, once because she thought my BF was rude to her and now (I think) because I haven't made a big enough fuss about her big event, while I was dealing with two suddenly ill and dispabled parents. I wished her luck and sent a message asking how it went, but she hasn't responded and has removed herself from all SM groups I'm in.

I want to message WFT have I done this time? But recognise that won't be helpful!

I also recognose the friendship is finished, but would like to get to a place where we can be civil when with mutal friends.

There's no point calling, she won't pick up.

How would you approach this?

It’s also polite not to delete your friends from Facebook for no apparent reason. It’s polite not to ignore messages. Yet she’s doing both of these things. The time for politeness has passed.

That doesn’t mean you have to go to the other extreme of rudeness. You can keep things neutral and avoid her. You can stop obsessing about “But what will they think?!” and move on.

Just leave her alone. It looks like you’ve repeatedly brushed her off and aren’t as into the friendship as you used to be and she can’t be bothered with it anymore.

You’re now repeatedly ignoring her very clear boundaries to go away.

Why bother? I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone so flaky! Also not sure another thread about the same issue will make any difference. Her entire family unfriended you on FB. That’s a message. Listen to it.

This. Take the hint. This must be the second thread I’ve seen on this (apart from the advanced search ones). Maybe one of your other friends in this group will enlighten you as to exactly what you’ve done wrong. Though I suspect you know full well but are minimising it here.

You could write her a letter or go and see her if you really want answers. But if she’s done she’s done.