I dont know why it's such a revelation, but I'm seeing my first 'serious' BF since DH died several years ago.
This morning on a group chat, someone said something that upset me a bit. They didn't mean to, they don't know it upset me, it touched a nerve because of something that's going on for me privately atm. Igace the response they were asking for and carried on with my day.
Half an hour later BF called. I didn't pick up because I had my hands full. I don't know what he wanted, but I'd guess he recognised the comment would have stung and is checking in. When I called back he didn't pick up, which is OK, he's working, he'll call me when he can or I'll see him tonight.
This is where the dawning realisation comes. BF is lovely, but I've been concerned a out a lack of "butterflies". This, I have just realised, is because he's "safe". I am feeling no anxiety about missing his call or about him having failed to pick up mine. I'm not anxious about if/when he might call again.
I do know it's all ridiculous, that this hasn't been normal for me before, but are early dating butterfiles, really just anxiety?