How honest are you? I’ll go first…

[Ibetthatyoulookgoodon]

I don’t mean do you lie, I mean how honest are you about who you are? Does anyone really know you?

I’ll go first -

I got together with my now DP at a time I wanted to change my life (Nothing major but irresponsible behaviour, too much hedonism. I didn’t do anything awful but I’d had enough). I’m honest in that I love him and I’m genuine in my expressions of how I feel and what I want. I think though (looking back) I buried a part of myself whe I met him and it’s coming back to bite me on the arse. I didn’t allow myself to be flawed enough (or as flawed as I am) and now I’m struggling. It’s been a long time, we have 2 kids. The ironic thing is, I know he’d love me anyway. I’m not living a lie but I know I’m not living my absolute truth. I’m not sure there’s anyone who knows everything IYSWIM?

how about you?

How old are you? It's very common in peri to struggle to keep up hiding anything? If you have unmet needs, they will come out eventually. It has a habit of it coming out in funny ways.

I'm curious to what you're hiding though. Who would you like to be?

What you see is what you get with me. I give one chance within quite a wide boundary. It startles people when they cross over it and realise they can't go back. Life is too short.

I’m 41. I think I’ve been in mild crisis since I had children (I’ve got 2 now, they are wonderful). I feel like I held my life together by throwing myself into this very positive version of myself (pre kids) I feel like I lucked out in a great job and now I’m not sure if it’s imposter syndrome or if I don’t deserve any of it. I dunno. I saw a friend recently and we were laughing about how mental our lives used to be. Too much drinking, too many drugs, inappropriate relationships etc and it made me think about whether I buried that person or just evolved.

Do you want to go back to that? I was wild in my younger days but I don't think I would.

Has life got a bit samey maybe? When we want a bit of adventure, the days feel the same I think.

I definitely don’t want to back. I guess I’m just having a bit of a crisis of inauthenticity. Like I feel like I’m struggling to live up to the better version of myself but I can’t admit it. You’re right that I am also probably feeling a bit bored / lost etc. I think perhaps I just need to make an effort to share my feelings more with my OH, I often feel like we are in the trenches so I don’t want to make his day worse by moaning. I think that’s probably a bad tactic though. Thank you for your messages ❤️