I've been single for a while, met a man through a hobby group a few months ago who seems to be interested in me.
He's really nice, friendly we've got lots in common. I like him but...
His youngest child is eight. My youngest child is nearly eighteen. We're in completely different stages. I'll soon (hopefully if DC gets into uni) have an empty nest and have freedom to, for example, go away on last minute holidays, and I feel like if I had a partner I would want him to be able to have the same freedom as me.
Also you hear about divorced dads expecting their new partners to take on a parenting role, doing their children's washing, cooking for them etc. I mean, he might not want that, and I wouldn't intend to do it, but I can see how it would be easy to fall into helping out and before you know it you're doing everything. I really don't want to be running around after someone else's children.
Obviously if we did get together and I met his children I would be nice to them, be a responsible adult around them, but my parenting days are nearly over and I don't want to revisit them with someone else's children.
I know that's all pointless speculation and probably overthinking.
The big thing though is that he isn't working, and hasn't worked for nearly a year. He says he left his last job because it was too physically demanding and he couldn't manage it. He is studying very part time online, so that's something, but it's not in a subject likely to lead to secure work. From what he's said it seems his children's main residence is with their mum, and of course they're at school, so no reason why he can't work.
I'm worried he's just looking for someone to cocklodge with. And, also, as someone who knows how hard it is to bring up your children with a man who doesn't contribute fully, I think it's a bit shit of him to not be working and paying child support.
Of course I might have misread the signals and he might not be interested in a relationship with me at all, in which case this is a completely pointless post.
But, if he does make any kind of move then would you advise just saying no, or do you think a casual relationship is possible, without any commitment until his children are older and he has a stable job?
Have I been single so long I'm just desperately grabbing onto the first man to show me a bit of attention?