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Experiences with neighbours over 35 years

11 replies

retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 08:28

I live in a dormitory town in Fife and moved here for work. At that time I was in my mid twenties. The neighbourhood initially seemed quiet. But in short order I discovered two elderly neighbours were spying and reporting to other neighbours. Comments were made about my movements - how late I was up, about the washing on the line etc. I thought fair enough - caring neighbours. At the time there was a neighbourhood watch scheme and a police officer who lived in the street attended. One evening he came to the door and asked if I was having problems with the neighbours. I dd say I had had odd comments about when was I leaving and more sinister - you will never be welcome here. In regards the last comments the neighbours wife had angrily come to my door previously demanding a package that had been delivered - I explained that I had returned this as not at this address - this made her angrier. The husband later told me never to speak to his wife. The police officer told me that he had told the said neighbours and others at the neighbourhood watch meeting that he would not be continuing with the meeting as they were proposing moving me from the neighbourhood - the details he did not go into. There were no neighbourhood watch meetings. He continued to be supportive until he left the following year. However I was told by a neighbour that another neighbour was in the process of leaving the street due to similar harassment and subsequently moved out of town. The leaver felt that the angry wife confrontation was a pretext to cause bad feelings. That neighbour lived opposite the eye of the storm - the angry neighbour and a neighbour and wife who came into money and behaved and continue to behave as little Kings. He continued to be supportive until he left the following year. Other incidents such as the elderly neighbour opposites husband blocking my drive - I needed access as I eventually learned to drive and get a car. This dispute caused a major hiatus with other neighbours being drawn in and eventually involved the local church where they were members. A church official looked into this and explained what was going on in the street and what had been said. Broadly the Little Kings were instigators at causing trouble and that his wife was a 'case'. Also the angry neighbours had been prime movers in causing disaffection, they had a history, and were 'tough nuts' - he was not prepared to get involved and advised me to have nothing to do with these 2 parties. He did work to counter any stories generated to cause bad feeling. His advice to me was to be careful how I dealt with the neighbours as they would react. Subsequently I have felt isolation and been aware of hostility. Much of what I have said was confirmed by a work colleague 5 years ago when I was told while working in the garden that the tenant in the property opposite had had to leave because of the atmosphere. The elderly neighbour had asked me if there was something wrong with the tenant as she had returned a gift given for her child. That tenant told the colleague that my neighbours had been spying on me and had been pretending to be friendly and that a number of neighbours did not know how I put up with things. They wondered what they would try next and that over the time here I have been accused of being an alcoholic, a drug addict, mentally Ill - a long running slander that I am a paedophile which was a surprise to my partner - and most recently that I abuse my wife - which is fair enough if this happens during arguments. I like to call these neighbour types useful idiots or flying monkeys. Thankfully we have seen the light and are happier now. Partly this has been due to the acceptance of our unhappy situation and future plans not to be here much longer. Last year a new neighbour moved next door to the angry neighbours and I over heard them telling said new neighbour that we were problem neighbours. My conclusion is that neighbours are like family you can't choose them. Luckily I have had distractions such as work and other interests to take my mind of things. In my case I feel that behavioural issues such as narcissism leading to feelings of superiority and entitlement and lack of empathy has bee a major factor in the events described. Also chronic mental health issues driven by a deep shame and a need to distract from their shame by shaming others is also a major factor. There is one other common factor for the instigators - financially independent and time on their hands. My biggest disappointment is that the majority do not say any thing but act as an audience.
Finally I apologise for using the word neighbour in such an un - neighbourly situation and for the length of this submission.

OP posts:
TheMoteThatsInYourEye · 03/05/2026 08:39

That sounds tough but what is the purpose of your post?

retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 08:55

The purpose of this post is to share the experience so that others can look for and be aware of behaviours that lead to difficulties. Also to start a discussion about similar behaviours.

OP posts:
Mullaghanish · 03/05/2026 09:24

Laurel hedges grow like wildfire.. red robins have grown tall too.. can you grow one to stop the surveillance?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

MermaidsSideEye · 03/05/2026 09:29

retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 08:55

The purpose of this post is to share the experience so that others can look for and be aware of behaviours that lead to difficulties. Also to start a discussion about similar behaviours.

But you had a previous thread last year that recounted in detail pretty much exactly the same thing. What is the point? Everyone just asked you why you didn’t move.

Splitfoot · 03/05/2026 09:31

My neighbour came so close to killing my dog during yet another display of pathetic one upmanship that I haven't spoken to him for twenty years.

His behaviour prior had been weird and unhinged but this was the final straw for me. I had been good to him too. I used to really help him out (nurse) dressing his surgical wounds, removing stitches, cutting his toenails!!!! Blarff! Then he decided to treat me like shit. I discovered a year after 'Doggate', by talking to another neighbour, that he has issues with women. No kidding!

retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 09:45

I believe this post has more detail and is updated - it was also under AIBU thread not the chat post - feel free not to reply

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retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 09:47

ha ha - had leylandii for a while!

OP posts:
retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 09:49

the neighbour who moved out was advised to do so by the police - without a recorded history they would not get involved and she was at the end of her tether

OP posts:
AccordingToWhom · 03/05/2026 09:57

MermaidsSideEye · 03/05/2026 09:29

But you had a previous thread last year that recounted in detail pretty much exactly the same thing. What is the point? Everyone just asked you why you didn’t move.

This seems to be happening a fair bit - old threads being regurgitated. What is going on?

MermaidsSideEye · 03/05/2026 10:05

retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 09:45

I believe this post has more detail and is updated - it was also under AIBU thread not the chat post - feel free not to reply

You’re clearly desperate for validation, as your post is a list of other people who either experienced similar, who left because they were harassed by your weird neighbours, or authority figures like the policeman or church official who told you the neighbours were trouble.

It’s not always entirely clear who you’re talking about, though — are the ‘little Kings’ different people to the elderly spying neighbours, and the neighbours who got angry about the parcel? Are the parking dispute/drive blocking neighbours different people again? Who exactly was being hostile at the neighbourhood watch meeting? And who is slandering you? It’s not clear whether one couple is involved, or lots of different people. Surely, if the original spying neighbours were ‘elderly’ 35 years ago, they’re long dead now?

But the question remains as to why you stayed living somewhere which seems to have caused you endless distress for 35 years?

retirednotbored · 03/05/2026 10:14

MermaidsSideEye · 03/05/2026 10:05

You’re clearly desperate for validation, as your post is a list of other people who either experienced similar, who left because they were harassed by your weird neighbours, or authority figures like the policeman or church official who told you the neighbours were trouble.

It’s not always entirely clear who you’re talking about, though — are the ‘little Kings’ different people to the elderly spying neighbours, and the neighbours who got angry about the parcel? Are the parking dispute/drive blocking neighbours different people again? Who exactly was being hostile at the neighbourhood watch meeting? And who is slandering you? It’s not clear whether one couple is involved, or lots of different people. Surely, if the original spying neighbours were ‘elderly’ 35 years ago, they’re long dead now?

But the question remains as to why you stayed living somewhere which seems to have caused you endless distress for 35 years?

Yes the spying neighbours are long gone, the spying neighbour had the parking dispute - the little kings and angry neighbours live down the street and were opposite the neighbour who left. All the neighbours mentioned attended the neighbourood watch meeting. Sorry for the complexity and the use of neighbours which makes it more difficult to follow. As far as leaving the neighbourhood I was not in a financial or personal position to do so and only recently with retirement could consider this. Validation is not the purpose of this or any other post -the evidence of what happened has been experienced and supported by other parties - look forward to hearing from you.

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