Nothing like the sun to make you feel lonely….

[Flowersdie]

I fucked up this Bank Holiday and didn’t make any plans, it snuck up on me. My children are with their dad. I’m alone and watching/ hearing about everyone else’s fun plans in the sun.

I do have friends - it’s just these moments, when you find yourself alone for three days because you didn’t plan, that hit hard. I’ve been invited to a gathering tomorrow night but I barely know the host and don’t want to rock up to a busy pub alone…

Anyone else relate and want to cheer me up?

(ps the answer is not a partner, I don’t want one!)

I totally get where you are coming from. Sunny weekends, especially Bank Holiday ones, can definitely make you feel lonely.

I have the same contradiction in my life, I don't want a partner but I sometimes hate that I have to plan ahead to have things to do with another person/people at the weekends. People who aren't single don't get this because they have another person to be spontaneous with.

I also get why you don't want to go to the party which involves effort on your part to meet new people, that's not necessarily the type of company you want this weekend.

If it's any consolation the weather is set to become less sunny & glorious.
I hope you find things to do that fill your time & cheer you up but it's also ok to.just wallow and feel sorry for yourself sometimes x

DH was at a BBQ with one of our DC (teen) yesterday so I had the TV all to myself....and watched Les Miserables the movie. Really enjoyed doing something on my own. DH wouldn't have enjoyed it. Hope you found something for yourself OP.

I understand, this used to be me. And no, having a loving partner who works away is not the same thing at all. And suggesting child-free time would be heaven to somebody who is heartsick with missing their kids is just fucking tone-deaf.

I always used to alternate chores & rewards: e.g. do the housework, watch a film. As it's a longer weekend, could you plan a longer reward? Is there anything on locally you could go to? Do you have any friends who might want to go out for a bit? Single friends or other parents who could leave their DC with their partner for a few hours? Is there anything you can prepare for your DC for when they get home - a little treat so you can look forward to seeing their happy wee faces?

To give you some hope - I thought this would be my life forever because Disney Dad was always more fun, but after 5 years my DS refuses to see him and lives with me all the time now. I know 5 years seems like an eternity, but it passes sooner than you might think. Good luck. 💐

Thank you so much for all the kind posts, they’ve cheered me up. I didn’t go to the party but I did hear back from a friend and we popped to the pub for an hour or two for a drink and that was all that I needed really. Just a bit of human contact!

Thanks for those that understood - and love to those that struggle in the same way too.

I have this, it's hard. People going on about the luxury of time to yourself don't understand when it's not a novelty, as you say.

I often take myself to the cinema. Noone cares you're alone, you can immerse yourself in a film and it isn't really an activity you need company for.

If I get invited to a party, I go - I don't get invited to many, and there's usually someone to talk to. I sometimes leave fairly early, but I've also been one of the last to go. The only thing I can be sure of is I won't meet anyone interesting if I stay at home.

I've been on leave the last week. I've been to a number of museums and exhibitions I'm interested in. I've been to the beach twice. I've done stuff in the garden. I've only met up with one friend, because for most people it's been a normal working week, so a lot of my conversations have been, "one adult ticket, please," and "paying by card," and that's about it. It's still not as lonely as being at home alone all the time.

Hey I was a single Mum for my children’s childhood and I totally relate!!! Bank holidays are shockingly hard. People who haven’t been through it won’t understand. You feel as if you’re living on the periphery of life and everyone else is with their 2.4 family enjoying family life. It’s hard and lonely. Obviously you already know you have to make the most it and there will be many suggestions here on how to do that. In many ways it’s an opportunity to rest and be the best version of yourself when your kids come back from their Dad’s. Sending lots of love.

I get it, OP. Before I met my ex and had children, I was single for years. Generally speaking I had a full and happy life and plenty of people to see, but if most of your friends are in couples (with or without children), then BH weekends tend to be ‘family time’ so can be the loneliest of times for people on their own. This weekend I have my children but there’ve been a fair few in the last few years where I haven’t had them and have been on my own. Sometimes it’s ok and other times it isn’t. Hope things have improved.

I used to feel like this but now I’m semi empty nested, I live for the days where I see no one and do nothing. It’s hard when they’re little and there’s suddenly nothing to do for a day. But as they grow, you find a new rhythm to life and enjoy the quiet times.

Think of the Mums who never get solo time. Make the most of it, chill in the garden with a book, glass of wine, watch a box set, research a new hobby. The possibilities are endless

Respectfully, that’s like someone who’s sprained their ankle painfully being told to remember amputees.

I get you OP.

I had arranged to meet a friend but that got cancelled because she had family who decided to visit at short notice.

I haven’t even had nice weather yesterday and today and I’ve come down with a slight cold so don’t have the energy to go out and do something or get on with things around the house.

I can watch any film or tv programme, read a book, do cooking, start a new hobby or any of those things that people always think you haven’t thought of doing, anytime i want, so seeing them as a special treat is faintly ridiculous IMO.

It’s hard not to turn to mindless snacking or just sitting and getting totally drunk sometimes.

Yeah. My feelings are valid without having to always compare myself to others.

I mean; the latter is always a viable option!

Erm count yourself lucky! I suspect most people on here would give their eye teeth for some time alone to do whatever you want with! Have a duvet day, take yourself off to a place you haven't been before and do some sightseeing or just go to the event at the pub that you've been invited to!

Thanks!

Also - poor people - be thankful you don’t have the stress of juggling multimillion pound investment portfolios or have to worry about arranging private yacht maintenance; You folks with terminal cancer - lucky you! You can spend all your money on luxuries instead of paying into a pension.

Hahah okkkaaayyyyyy then!

ok OP, as @MagpiePi would suggest, stay at home and be depressed about the fact you have way too much spare time on your hands.... LOL whatever!!

I spent today doing my shopping and getting stuff ready for the kids for school tomorrow. We had planned on going to the fair at the local park this weekend but my 16year old son has shingles so we didn't go out as I won't risk him being around others

You are missing the point.

The OP is talking about feeling lonely on her own when her kids are away.
People are allowed to feel different feelings, some of them negative, even if they "should" be valuing their situation because someone else thinks it sounds great.

The OP came here to find sympathy and solidarity with others who understand how she feels & are in/have been in the same position, not to be told she should be "counting herself lucky".

I actually find the summer quite depressing. I don’t mean it to, but I always feel that way. Bright sunshine, beautiful people and couples walking around looking great… for an unattractive person it can really make you feel left out of the world.

Of course they do. A couple is just 2 people that are fed up of talking to each other.

I totally relate to that. If I don’t have plans it can be easy to feel like the whole world is playing frisbee at a barbecue.

But people are advised to LTB usually when a partner is treating them badly through infidelity, abuse etc.

Being on your own may well be a "consequence" of leaving someone but I hope you aren't suggesting that people should stay in a bad relationship to avoid being alone & possibly even lonely at times later on?

It is possible for two things to be true at the same time - to be pleased & relieved not to be in a bad relationship but also to experience moments of loneliness.

Can totally relate OP.

I used to feel like this all the time. It would panic me.

I don’t know what happened but over time I’ve grown to enjoy the alone time.

If the weather is nice I get in the garden and make it pretty. I might have a few beers and chat to friends online etc.

sending a hug cause I know it can be overwhelming.