I know age is a privilege denied to many and that I should be grateful really. But I'm struggling to muster any positive feelings around my birthday this year.
It's not a big birthday but close to one and I'm realising I'm probably halfway through my life. And I'm in the middle of a horrible divorce, now found myself a lone parent due to my exes behaviour, I've had to move us away so I've no friends here. I try to put myself out there with other parents at groups and at nursery pick up but they don't seem to have much interest so it's quite lonely. Zero option to date or take up a hobby for myself as my only childcare is used for me to go to work and it'll probablybe another 13 or so years before that changes. Family will help very begrudgingly. I really just wanted to let the day pass and try to just down play it all but my parents have insisted on organising something which funnily enough they love doing even though I don't really and told them repeatedly i didn't want to do anything. So now I have had to cancel the little plans I did make for myself in order to do that instead. Not going would just create more drama than I've any interest in dealing with right now.
Normally I'm so good at looking on the bright side and focusing on all the positives of any situation and honestly I'm normally not this negative but for some reason I can't just shake it off. I used to love my birthday, seeing my friends and going to my favourite restaurants and getting dressed up nicely. And now it feels like just another reminder that as a lone parent I no longer get the luxury of having wants and needs and the loss of my old lifestyle and where I used to live. I actually just want to pretend that it's just another day but I know my child will be excited to celebrate so again have to put on a happy smile and pretend it's all fine. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, just needed a little vent I guess.