AIBU to feel let down by a best friend’s lack of contact?

[Winkinnn]

AIBU to feel a bit let down by my best friend’s lack of contact?

I’m going through one of the hardest periods of my life at the moment and I did open up to my best friend about it.

I’m not expecting constant contact, but I suppose I thought I might hear from her maybe once or twice a week just to check in. As it is, she does reply sometimes, but there are often gaps of a couple of weeks in between.

She’s also not very forthcoming about arranging to meet up, and she doesn’t really do phone calls either, so it can feel a bit like all the effort is coming from me.

I think what’s also getting to me is that I’m more than happy to be there for her – whether that’s supporting her through things, chatting about her life, or just having low-key contact about everyday stuff. I don’t need it to be intense, it’s just nice to feel like someone enjoys your company and wants to be in touch more regularly.

At the moment it’s starting to feel a bit like she only really wants contact when it suits her, which is what’s making me feel let down.

I’ve tried to be understanding – I know everyone is busy and has their own stuff going on – but I can’t shake this niggling feeling that maybe I see her as a “best friend”, whereas she sees me more as a more casual friend.

I don’t want to be needy or unreasonable, especially as she hasn’t done anything wrong as such. But at the same time, when you’re going through a really tough time, a bit of regular contact and support from someone close feels like it should be normal?

AIBU to feel a bit let down by this, or am I expecting too much?

I’ve had similar with my friend group. I had to cancel going to meet ups as I was was going through a bad spell of crippling anxiety. I was honest about why I was cancelling. I’ve really struggled with the fact that no one followed up with me or checked in. I would have done if the boot were on the other foot and was really supportive to one of them when their dad died. I have tried to frame it that they obviously have their own issues to deal with and I either have to accept they aren’t the supportive types and have occasional meet ups, or I don’t bother. It’s upsetting for sure and I understand why you feel let down.

I thought about raising it when I met one of them last week but decided against it. I didn’t want the drama. Depends how close you are I guess.

I think what's reasonable very much depends on what kind of friendship you had before you opened up to your friend. If she has noticeably reduced contact, that's a bit rubbish. If you were typically in contact roughly once a fortnight, I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect her to suddenly be in contact much more often. I sympathise about it being hard when you realise that a person you see as your best friend does not necessarily see you in the same way.