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What support do you wish existed but cannot currently find?

39 replies

AriaJane · 30/04/2026 16:39

Mums… what’s the one bit of support you wish existed but no one’s offering?

OP posts:
Serasar · Yesterday 07:42

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 30/04/2026 19:03

I need mental health support for my anxiety ridden daughter to help her get back into school but that doesn’t affirm her transgender identity without question.
I’d also like mental health support for her to help her understand why she’s gone from a confident happy feminine little girl to an anxious unhappy feminine teenage girl who thinks she is a boy.
I’d love to be able to find someone to help her build her confidence back up so she can go back to school as she so desperately wants to and understand what drives her anxiety so she can learn to address it and cope with it and I’d love help for her to feel happy again in her physically perfect body.

I too wish there was a service like this. My ds thinks he’s a woman and it’s so difficult to know where to start with any mental health service.

I’m so sorry that you and your dd are going through this x

poutlikeyoumeanit · Yesterday 07:47

Phineyj · Yesterday 07:28

There ARE schemes like this today. There's the charity I posted a link to up thread (formerly Contact The Elderly), the various WRVS schemes and the Shared Lives accommodation scheme local authorities run.

Sorry I think I got mixed up in my response.

I meant to say there ARE schemes like this but no JOBS like this anymore.

My mum had a paid role - which was great for her, worked round us in school - my DS has SEN and also provided a well needed service to local elderly people.

There are voluntary schemes but people's access to giving up their free time might not be the same for everyone.

But yes I did mean to make that distinction in my post and muddled it completely.

Thank you

CantMakerHerThink · Yesterday 07:54

NorthFaceofthelaundrypile · 30/04/2026 19:33

Not parenting support… but I wish I could drop off my hanging baskets and have someone update and refill them seasonally.

All my local independent garden centres offers this service?

Phineyj · Yesterday 13:10

poutlikeyoumeanit · Yesterday 07:47

Sorry I think I got mixed up in my response.

I meant to say there ARE schemes like this but no JOBS like this anymore.

My mum had a paid role - which was great for her, worked round us in school - my DS has SEN and also provided a well needed service to local elderly people.

There are voluntary schemes but people's access to giving up their free time might not be the same for everyone.

But yes I did mean to make that distinction in my post and muddled it completely.

Thank you

That's a very fair point.

My friend paid her way through university as a residential on site carer sleeping over in a group home for learning disabled adults. I hope tgse jobs still exist, at least.

TokyoSushi · Yesterday 13:14

goldenhunter · 30/04/2026 18:36

This sounds so silly compared to others but a daily housekeeping service. It just doesn’t exist where I am even through an agency. I’d love someone to come in and do the daily mundane stuff for an hour a day - empty and restack the dishwasher, turn the laundry over to the next stage, do a quick tidy of all the rooms and make beds, empty the bins, run the hoover through downstairs, wipe down the kitchen sides and the sinks…. Sounds so silly but it would make such a difference to the amount of stress I feel having to find time to do each of those “5 min” jobs each morning.

I have a day in the week where I can easily get my cleaning down in a big block, but I have a cleaner so don’t need to. What DH and I struggle to manage due to work timings and schools runs etc is the daily “little jobs” which probably take an hour total. That kind of support would make a huge difference to me as a full time working mum.

I would love this, like when you're on holiday and housekeeping come and sort your room out. The seem to have them in big houses in the US, I watch them on Instagram where somebody comes in for an hour every morning to 're-set' your house, looks like an absolute dream!

Badbadbunny · Yesterday 13:35

I'd have loved a service where you can pay professional "carers" to go into hospitals and sit with the patient to look after and advocate for them.

We've had problems three times with respective parents. We are just the two of us, no local siblings, no aunts/uncles/cousins etc. So whenever one of our parents went into hospital, planned or emergency, there was no one else besides us.

My father in law had two very long spells in hospital. Both led to formal complaints as the "care" and treatment provided was laughable. He wasn't even "that" old, first time he hadn't even retired yet getting them to do anything was sheer hard work as they seemed content to just leave him to die! It all blew up one night when we got the phone call that he may not make it through the night and that we'd better go to see him a "final" time. When we got there, having only been there for visiting time a few hours earlier, they'd removed his drips and taken him off his oxygen mask. We asked why they'd stopped "treating" him and the nurse just said the doctor had decided it wasn't worth trying to save him. We went ballistic, insisted they get a doctor to speak to us immediately, and one finally turned up, and we had a long talk, and this doctor looked at his charts etc, and said something like "maybe we should give him another try" and they moved him to ICU and put him back on drips and oxygen, and he came round, left ICU after a few days, back on a different ward and finally discharged after a couple of weeks more, eventually getting back to going back to work! The "overnight" doctor who'd made the decision to stop treatment had just taken it upon himself for no obvious reason. We were utterly gobsmacked that they could do that in a hospital! Formal complaint #1 upheld but as always "lessons will be learned"!!

Second time several years later he was diagnosed with cancer, and spent over a year in and out of hospital wards before they finally did the operation that they should have done within, I think it was at the time, the 16/18 week time frame! In reality they kept moving him between hospitals, discharging, then re-admitting, then changing the treatment, etc to "reset the clock". All the while he was deteriorating. Finally got a date for the operation, only for it to be cancelled on the morning due to the surgeon being on a course! As if they didn't know he was booked in on a course - sheer incompetence again. As most of the year he was in two different hospitals, neither in our home town, and one an hour away, we couldn't visit more than once a day, and only for an hour or two, so we weren't there to advocate for him and he couldn't really tell us what was happening as he was deteriorating. Nurses were often unhelpful and kept saying glib answers like "as well as expected" when we asked detailed health questions. Being there when a doctor was around was like shooting fish in a barrel - they showed up randomly and we couldn't "book" an appointment so we'd go weeks without seeing a doctor. Formal complaint #2 uphead and surprise surprise "lessons will be learned"!!

Finally, DM was blue lighted to A&E with double pneumonia and abandoned on a trolley in a corridor for a whopping 48 hours. One of us had to stay with her 24/7 as no one was feeding her or giving her water, no one was taking her to the loo, no one was doing anything for her actually. Not even a drip nor oxygen, whilst she was wheezing and struggling to breath. After the first few hours, we literally grabbed a doctor and insisted they do something, as literally no one had been near since the initial triage. A few hours later, they finally put her on a drip and gave her an oxygen mask. Then it was night time and no one came near again. Next morning, we expected some action, but the second day was just the same. We had to buy her drinks from the vending machine. No one even came to do obs, take her pulse, do blood pressure, etc. Whenever we asked a passing nurse, it was always "the doctor will be coming shortly" but no one ever did. Then it was the second overnight still with no care/attention at all. By the third day, we started to make a really big fuss and in the evening they finally put her on a ward where she at last started to get proper care, regular obs, some IV antibiotics etc., but it was too late and she died on that third night. No only were we devastated, we were traumatised from 2 nights without sleep and the total lack of care. Formal complaint #3 - in progress, but no doubt lessons will be learned.

In all of those cases, we'd have loved to have someone who could have gone and spent time, making notes, advocating, acting as a conduit for passing information as to who's said what and what's been done etc., as it's exhausting when there's only 1 or 2 of you to spend hours by the bedside. With MIL, we actually phoned social services and a few local care providers to ask if there was such a service of sitting with/advocating for someone in hospital and they all said that there was no such service and they couldn't help!

MightyGoldBear · Yesterday 14:02

My family would really benefit from some actual practical hands on help with sen children. I can't afford to pay for a specialist nanny or anyone for that matter. But there are times we are drowning and just need some extra support. We have been on the list for home start help for nearly 2 years. Any young carers help was just sending zoom invitations to my eldest all things he wasn't interested in and were not really his age range. I know it's a difficult thing to offer but it would make such a difference. Help to access local clubs would be great. I know they do offer coffee mornings but they are in school hours and for a audhd family who are sensitive to noise and busy environments it's just not accessible.

Even just some sort of temporary help or access to schemes to get into a better situation. I can't work much because my child can't access the childcare wraparound holiday clubs and sometime school itself. If there was some sort of scheme that helped parent carers into flexible wfh jobs that would be amazing and give me the opportunity to change my own situation maybe being able to afford to learn to drive or clubs for my children. It's so difficult once your in a difficult situation to change it. I also don't anticipate it to get better but worse as my child gets older with the added pressure of high school 😬

For more general parenting I think a service that could come in when you're really unwell and can't look after your own children would be wonderful. I remember both me and my husband getting a debilitating sickness bug /flu at the same time and just taking it in turns to crawl around the house trying to look after a baby and a toddler who were not unwell at all. It was awful.
Again probably this mostly would be solved by having more money.

Phineyj · Yesterday 16:17

@MightyGoldBear there is a SEN advocate on Facebook who helps parents like yourself find suitable work. I can't remember her name right now but when I do I'll come back and post a link.

Nofeckingway · Yesterday 16:27

@Badbadbunny I often thought of families like yours while I was FT Carer for elderly uncle. I was very able to negotiate, advocate , contact relevant services , etc for him . But I did wonder especially if it was a long it tedious route I had to take or had to be persistent and forceful how do people manage without this ? Say an elderly couple where one needs help but the other isn't au faut with the system . I suppose they rely on GP or District Nurse but not ideal . Or for families where distance is involved or FT working couples with kids , etc.

FranksInvisibleLlama · Yesterday 17:56

Someone who can support through the SEN paperwork/ processes/ admin e.g how to get school to provide support, how to apply for ehcp, support to appeal refusal to assess and what to do next etc etc, practical support to find the time to do all this rather than someone to do it for me, tech support with what to do when my printer won’t work and I don’t know how to upload things to the LA’s portal, and give me emotional support/ listen to me moan about the challenges of dealing with all of this.

Support/ maybe a friendly young adult for neurodivergent teenager who is unable to attend school and has no friends but wants someone other than me to do things with

Support for neurodivergent child with anxiety that is limiting what she can do but won’t meet the criteria for CAMHS (CAMHS is not helpful anyway based on her sister’s experience)

A supportive person that we can all get to know and trust enough so I can leave the house to go to appointments/ shop/ briefly meet a friend/ take one child somewhere the other doesn’t want to or can’t go, when my teenager has to have an adult (me) in the house while she attends online school and my younger child is unable to go almost anywhere other than school because of her anxiety

Some who can very gently support me to declutter the house with no pressure and no judgment, and can take stuff to the tip or charity shop or wherever.

Fairyliz · Yesterday 18:04

Mayflower282 · 30/04/2026 17:22

I want to adopt a grandmother…I miss mine. I want to have a dear old lady over for Sunday roast, and take her to the shops once a week, and the garden centre for lunch on a Friday. I miss that 😢

👋 I’m here where do you live?
Hopefully you have two or more adorable children I can play with and spoil. I’m really good at make believe games, but you may need to help me up from the floor, my knees are not what they were.
Can you tell I am desperate to be a grandma? Perhaps what I need is an agency which matches old ladies with children who need a grandparent.

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · Yesterday 18:06

NorthFaceofthelaundrypile · 30/04/2026 19:33

Not parenting support… but I wish I could drop off my hanging baskets and have someone update and refill them seasonally.

We had this up till COVID and then she closed her business and relocated. I was gutted.

thinkingofachange · Yesterday 21:53

I wish I could have work experience as an adult, see username, there’s a few things I’m thinking of but they would be a huge change and I’d like to know if I even could manage the job first before I get excited about leaving my job.
and I wish someone- one person- could just advise me where to put my energies in life-generally- so I don’t have to keep googling/AI/MN and getting more questions than answers

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