Is this rude or am I just being sensitive?

[sunshinecocktail]

For a bit of context, the last few years have been a bit shit. I have a few chronic health issues which have all come together for various reasons and have left me with a lot of issues which I found difficult to deal with so I had no choice but to give up work a couple of years ago.

I am trying very hard to get my life back on track and working with some health professionals and a dietitian to try to control my symptoms as best I can and try to get to a better place and move on living with these conditions as best I can.

I have a daily strategy which sort of works but means that I have to be very very careful what and when I eat and drink.

My sister is a self employed cleaner and offered me a few hours per week to help me get back on track which I am very grateful for. It's far from my ideal job but I said yes as I really need some money coming in and I need to get a step back on to the employment ladder. A few hours per week is enough for me right now as I also have to keep a daily check on our elderly parents as mum is in advanced dementia and dad does not cope well as he is 85 and getting muddled himself.

So, most of the houses my sister cleans are either empty as their owners are away at work or they just leave us to get on with things which is great. However, there is an older gentleman my sister cleans for twice a month, she has cleaned for him for the last 3 years. He insists every time that we sit and have a cup of coffee and something to eat with him. Due to my health issues I don't eat or drink whilst away from my house as I have developed a strong gastro colic reflex which is triggered by eating and drinking, I know this seems strange to many people but I know my body and how it currently works and the set up I have works for me without causing me pain, embarrassment or problems, I feel that I shouldn't have to go into depths regarding my health issues as it's no ones business. So for this very reason I have always politely declined his offer of a drink or food but always happy to sit at the kitchen table with him and my sister and chat while they have their drinks.

Yesterday was our day to clean and he comes in and says he will be making a cup of coffee at 12pm and will call my sister in when it is ready, he then looked at me and said 'Oh but you are not invited because you won't eat and drink anything with us', he said this in a laughing tone so I laughed back and jokingly suggested a mug of air would suffice. I genuinely believed it to be a joke but come 12 o'clock he calls my sister in and tells me to continue with the cleaning.

Tbh, at the time it didn't bother me because in all honesty the time sitting with him does encroach into our time getting to other customers and at the end of the day we are there to clean and not to socialise. He is a nice man but really isn't interested in anything my sister or I have to say.

The more I think about it the more I think it was rather rude of him. He knows that I have some health issues which I haven't gone into but is aware this is my reason for not eating/drinking. In my previous life I was a PA for disabled people and I wouldn't dream of ostracising someone because their disability means they couldn't participate in something, I have always tried to be inclusive of others so maybe he was being a bit of an arse? Was he?

If your sister is running a real business then she needs to protect her staff from discrimination. This is discrimination because your health issues mean you are covered by the equality act. She needs to protect you from that.

But my guess is that she isn’t running this as a proper business and you aren’t an employee, so she isn’t going to remove him as a client. All you can do is refuse to go to this particular one.

It doesn't sounds as if he meant to be rude TBH. It sounds as if he thinks he's been considerate in making sure you stop for a tea break and he's not quite sure how to respond to you saying no.

I wouldn't overthink his reaction, or your sister's. You're only doing a few hours to tide you over, just smile and nod.

If you're working freelance for your sister I don't really think it's his responsibility to worry about the ins and outs of whether or not you say yes to a cuppa.

Yeah, that's what I did, just smiled and got on with the work in hand. I honestly didn't give it much thought at the time but after mulling it over I thought it was a bit rude especially as I've actually been previously sitting with him and my sister over the last few months so not sure why he suddenly decided I was no longer invited lol - Oh well, not there to make friends so will let it go.

We are both se, I was previously a self employed PA so just continued my insurance and SE status, sister does the same so I'm not actually her employee as I invoice her monthly for my services.

I'll just put it behind me and laugh it off in the future.

Yes, this. I imagine he thinks it’s possibly awkward for you to sit there watching them drink coffee and eat, so that he’s being thoughtful in allowing you to get on with things. I wouldn’t give this a second thought, to be honest. He’s not a friend or family member who is excluding you from meals or anything. He’s a someone for whom you do a few hours freelance work.

Absolutely let this go and don’t give another thought

firstly because you have bigger fish to fry
secondly - this does actually suit you. You can leave them to it and you crack on

You and I might as well live on different planets @SnappyQuoter

Is this another, I don’t want to take part, but am offended I’m not asked to?

It is literally the definition of discrimination.

If the OP’s sister subcontracts to a black personal, and a client says they’re not invited for a cup of tea because they’re black, then it is disrimination.

If her sister hires someone who is gay, and a client says they’re not invited for a cup of tea because they’re gay, then it is discrimination.

The OP is being excluded due to a health condition. That is discrimination.

Even when you hire a contractor as part of youth own business, you have a duty to protect them. Which means dealing with clients when they behave inappropriately. It doesn’t matter if it’s “just cleaning.” The OP is entitled to the same protections from workplace excluding/bullying as anyone else.

She started a thread on it, so it did bother her.

As she is self employed, she can choose which clients to go to. But she is being contracted by her sister, which puts safety responsibilities onto her sister.
So she can also refuse to attend this client. Or she can carry on and say nothing, but she asked for advice on this situation and part of that advice should include her actual rights.

As I say - different planets.

In a nutshell
oh and has been asked in the past but declined

Is she being contracted by her sister?

I would assume from her OP they're just two self-employed people doing the same job.

And, sorry, I think it's utterly ridiculous to see this in terms of discrimination.

It’s her sister’s business. Her sister’s clients. She is paying OP to come along to help, that’s contacting out.

As I've said in my replies, up till now I have been 'taking part', I have been sitting with them both and have the chat just minus the drink/snack but he seems to have decided I'm no longer invited because I'm not having a drink, it's almost as if he's offended despite my explaining my health issues. If it had always been the case and I had never joined them then I'd probably never have given it a second thought.

Just seems strange to have suddenly excluded me but hey ho, it is what it is.

So for this very reason I have always politely declined his offer of a drink or food but always happy to sit at the kitchen table with him and my sister and chat while they have their drinks.

you sit there like a lemon. So it’s in everyone’s interest… yours included, that you check on with vacuuming or dusting.

Theyve been friends for years. Just let it be.