Very forgetful child - how to help him

[Natsku]

DS is 8, in his first proper year of school (not the UK) and its become clear this year that his forgetfulness is an issue. He regularly forgets to do homework, forgets his school textbooks (either at school so doesn't have them at home to do homework or at home so he doesn't have them in class), forgets his backpack entirely, forgets hats, coats, gloves etc. at school and has even forgotten to get dressed and gone to school in his pyjamas. He is regularly getting into trouble at school because of this, his teacher says its a daily issue.

I'm not home in the morning so can't make sure he has everything, his dad usually is and tries but he's usually leaving for work at the same time as DS leaves for school so its very easy for DS to forget something at the last minute and it goes unnoticed (and OH has his own issues with forgetfulness). He goes to after school club in a separate building so even if he realises he forgot something in class before coming home he can't get it as the school is locked.

I try to sit down with him to do his homework but half the time he can't remember what homework he has (the teacher writes what is set on the class web page but DS often has different homework to the rest of the class so its not always helpful, plus when he's forgotten his books he can't do it at all)

His teacher suggested putting up a reminder board to help him, which I will try, but looking for any other idea if that doesn't help enough. Consequences like detention at school and screen bans at home haven't helped at all so I don't think he's choosing to not do his homework etc., he just really can't remember.

Also, it is absolutely wrong for him to be punished for something that he cannot manage. This is a failure of the adults around him, not of a little boy clearly struggling.

He is one year onto school and 8 years old. I hate to be blunt but it’s really your responsibility as a parent to support him getting ready for school. Expecting him to get himself ready and off to school solo is a bit bonkers!

I haven't had time to read all the posts but dyslexia can have traits of forgetfulness and difficulty following instructions and managing time.

He's 8! My daughter didn't have significant reliability in these things until year 8 (age 12)

You need to have a word with your husband. We are all trying to get out of the house in the morning, you can’t just leave your 8 year old to organise himself.

we are all chaotic so we have a big check list on the door that we check in the mornings. Also help him get his stuff ready the night before. Even if he is diagnosed with ADHD he’ll need lots of scaffolding and methods to organise himself

Look into visual timetables techniques.
Every routine as a set of images
Morning - teeth, breakfast, toilet and clothes
Going to school - coat and school bag (and keys from the next year).
Before bad - check bag, prepare clothes.

It's important it is covered by images, not by words/text, because it is too easy to get distracted from reading, while a few icons are easier to check.

Ask school whether it would be possible to have (as an adjustment) a second complete set of text books, one living at school and the other at home. That way he would have to carry ononly the notebooks and workbooks.

About the homework - if he often get adifferent homework than the teacher puts online, he needs support here - the teacher should make sure that he notes it down or share it. If the other homework is some kind of adjustment, it doesn't work without ensuring it's noted.

I can't hire a nanny, there aren't any to hire (small town, only childcare options are for children under school age and no market for nannies so none exist). If we luck out with timetables next year his big sister can help but it depends if he gets an 8 o'clock start every day like this year. I need to find out if he'll have the same teacher next year, then I can ask her what the plan is - this year I was able to request that he was in the early group (some days half the class comes in later and leaves later so they can do subjects that work better with less children). I think now that concerns have been raised by his teacher as well as me he'll likely get more support next school year but with only a month left of this year there's nothing that can be done now except seeking assessment.

Dyslexia is in the family (my dad) but he can read just fine, well ahead of most of the class in fact, can dyslexia still be a possibility?

Your best bet for now, aside of getting the assessment, is making sure his dad understands this is important and actively participates on improving the morning part.

Get the image instructions up (even some provisional version - print or draw something), check the evening preparation every day and he should check them with the child every morning.
It means that absolutely everything needs to be ready in the evening and only the activities from the image board are left for the morning. If exception is necessary, add it to the task board.

In a way, getting dressed and getting his bag is the easiest part to solve and there is a chance, that if you focus on it now, he will be able to do it himself.

His dad definitely needs to be more on the ball in the mornings, I will talk with him, and get a visual reminder board sorted this weekend.