Anyone else feel constant anxiety despite seeming fine on the outside?

[Indubai]

I feel like an awful person the whole time. Like a total bitch and generally a bit of a fool.

On the outside everything should be ok. House, great kids, lovely husband, wide circle of friends. But inside I am absolutely dying every day. Anxiety, constantly. Can’t sleep. Can’t focus on anything properly. Blood pressure feels through the roof.

I over-compensate against these negative feelings by doing loads of charity work … but it actually makes me feel even worse about myself. I’m certain people can see through me instantly and know what I am “really like”.

Can anyone relate to this? So tired of feeling like this all the time.

Yes. . But I don’t hide it well. I try to keep really busy too. I’m trying to tackle it with medication and am waiting for therapy.

What would you say to a friend who told you they feel that way? Please look into therapy, you don't have to live like that.

@Indubai sending hugs x i sometimes feel like a duck.... I look calm but underneath I'm paddling frantically. Have you spoken to your GP? I'm starting counselling tomorrow, but I have had the same sort of feelings as you. Sending hugs and hope x

I felt like this then was prescribed Citalopram (an antidepressant but used for anxiety too). I was against it for quite a while and tried loads of other things but I still felt the same.

The medication was life changing in a really positive way. I took them for a couple of years and then tapered off them. I’ll always be grateful to those meds.

Is this something that you would / could consider?

Have you any ideas what is underlying it? Treated badly as a kid? Shame about things that have happened to you? traumatic experiences? Maybe there are things in your past you need to process with a therapist. There’s help out there

Yep, constantly. Every social interaction is exhausting because I'm fighting an internal battle just to look like a normal person. Every loud noise or raised voice makes my stomach drop as I think its for me. I think everyone secretly hates me or thinks I'm weird. I live in constant fear of getting in trouble because I've forgotten something, done something wrong or messed up.

I've tried cbt, hypnosis, medication, counselling and it has all helped in some way but not properly. I genuinely thought everyone lived their life in a constant state of flight or flight so it was eye-opening to learn thats not true. Mine is from childhood stuff that I don't think I'll ever fully heal from.

Yes. And I keep ruminating on things like my wee dog will die, and then what will I do, or crashing my car and other horrible things. All while presenting perfectly fine

I am trying to deal with it by focussing on the positive in the moment, and reframing my catastrophic thinking

There’s a ruminating type of ocd called pure o.. this lady was recommended by a therapist for a family member to watch https://youtube.com/@ocdhelp?si=om-XlsV4Mo6zRsTG

Yep…spiralling and catastrophising…dh doesn’t understand at all why I can’t just not worry about it!

Yes, constant internal anxiety as I call it, I rarely have an actual anxiety/panic attack even though I often feel on the brink of one, it just doesn’t present in that way for me. But inside I feel exactly like you, I feel like i’m a horrible person who is pretending not to be but everyone knows what I’m ’really like’ and just tolerates me no matter how hard I try. It means I constantly crave validation and reassurance, but I know better than to go fishing for it from others as people find that annoying and needy, I just keep it all to myself.

I should probably speak to the gp, but I feel like this is just how I’m wired at this point. Been like this ever since I can remember to varying degrees. I have noticed recently it gets significantly worse in the 2 weeks leading up to my period, which is great. I spend half the month being ‘normal’ anxious and the other half being extra anxious. The joys.

I am scared a lot of the time. No past trauma and no reason for it now. I have been on anxiety and depression meds for years and I can certainly tell if I forget a couple of days but nothing really gets to the bottom of it. Can only wish you well.

It’s rubbish, isn’t jt?

Thanks for your responses. I actually have an GP appointment on Friday, so perhaps I should speak up then.

Relieved I am not alone actually. My husband says I’m negative all the time but he doesn’t understand what it’s like!

My daughter started setraline and honestly it has changed her life for the better so much.

I feel that if I’m not worrying about something, there will be a disaster of some sort. So worry is the default position.

I’d love to feel content and happy, but I’d worry about that too. It escalates into physical symptoms, which are quite debilitating. CBT wasn’t helpful and nor were antidepressants. Periodically, I am depressed, but this isn’t that, just a constant level of anxiety.

Me! I have pure O ocd and anxiety. It's absolute hell

Am going through this at the moment and it’s crushing me

Yup. Mine is a wrecked nervous system from childhood and teen trauma and 40yrs of trying to please my mother. Abandonment issues etc etc.

Acceptance works for me. If I’m anxious, then I need to soothe my inner child like I would my actual child.

Birth control helps too. Keeps my hormones balanced. Perimenopause has begun and it’s definitely worse. Hoping hrt will help at some point.

It’s so tiring constantly waiting for something bad to happen.

Similar story here. Sending you all the love.

Child you would be proud of how strong you are 💐

REBT really helped me before, maybe time for a top up session or two!

Yeah. I just got diagnosed with adhd last week and it explains a lot. The low level guilt and anxiety and depression and fear and no way to express it. I genuinely feel so awful constantly. I feel like my friends hate me and DP will leave me. Now I’ve got my diagnosis and I’m waiting for medication, maybe my brain will stop bullying me constantly. Have you spoke to your GP? Sorry you feel shit OP :(

Hi. I’m waiting for an ADHd assessment too!! Hopefully medication might help with our anxiety 😟

Yes I resonate with your OP. I do have Citalopram prescribed though which has been life changing. I do recommend you talking to your GP.