How do I detach emotionally from a married man reappearing?

[MyQuaintLion]

PLEASE NO HATE MY MH HAS PLUMMETED

I met a guy 10 years ago, we went on a date it never went anywhere, had a couple of sexual encounters.
I lost my grandmother around the same time.
He then told me he was moving away as he needed to be closer to work, he then got into a relationship with someone and she moved with him. To me he left me just like my grandmother left me and I’ve never gotten over the grief or loss of her dying!

Fast forward 10 years, he has got back in touch, we’ve had no contact, until recently.
It has turned something on for me emotionally. I literally adore him, we’ve met up had a fantastic day together, he was on messages constantly, however he’s married, he has changed in 10 years if I saw him on a dating app I would swipe No, but there is something that is keeping me wanting him.
His messages have since quietened down, it’s the weekend so I guess it’s to be expected!

I know he doesn’t belong to me. And it’s very wrong what I’m doing, I just don’t know how to de attach myself from this situation.

He sounds like a dick who treated you really poorly the first time around. Why do you want to put yourself through that again? If he has only just reappeared in your life, why is it so hard to disconnect from him? You’ve lived ten years without him.

Well an obvious solution would be to tell his wife that you are screwing her dh. That would end things.

What has your mental health got to to do with chasing another womans husband.
Sorry but that is a ridiculous and self absorbed excuse for your shitty intentions.

I just don’t know how to de attach myself from this situation.

JUST. DO. IT.

Detach now and fill your life with things that are good for you.

Do you really want your future to revolve around him? Waiting all weekend (and Christmas and every other family occasion) for the moment when he sits on the lav, hiding from his wife and whilst he takes a shit sends you a flirty text setting up your next afternoon cheap hotel fuck.

This lucklastre cheating bastard is aiming to have his cake and eat it.

He will hurt you, one way or another. You'll always be second best. What will that do to your self esteem and peace of mind?

Believe me when I say that if you waste a moment on this cheat in 10 years time you will look back and wish you'd never let him in your life. You'll regret every moment you spent waiting for him, checking your phone, sneaking into his car to suck him off, fawning over him, putting your own life on hold and crying over him. You won't even remember what you ever saw in him. Believe me. I was her and I regret giving that shite the time of day.

Detach now.

Just delete and block everywhere, and sit with the unpleasant feelings this causes.

This is trauma bonding. You are emotionally attached due to your bereavement and grief at the same time. Understandable in a way, but this is something you need to move away from. No good will come of it.

So you went on a few dates with him and screwed him a couple of times 10 years ago. It wasn't exactly deep, meaningful and serious was it. How do you disengage? You don't message or see this married man. Easy Peasy.

To detach yourself you send a message this afternoon to say, ‘I regret meeting up with you and I won’t be repeating it. Please do not contact me again’. Then you erase his contact details and then, and this bit is crucial, you begin address what made you vulnerable to someone who expects to drop you and pick you up as it suits him. Whether that’s your low opinion of yourself or a lack of something in your life (or both), that is where your effort needs to go. You could also consider getting some support for your grief over the loss of your grandmother.

If you continue down this road you can expect many quiet weekends like this one, many disappointments, many sad liaisons, lonely birthdays and Christmases, broken promises dangled in front of you and then whisked away. Existing in a twilight world of emotional pain with none of the support and companionship of a legitimate relationship just as @ByrdBathdescribes. He may be unfinished business in your mind and you may have built up a fantasy about him but the reality is he is a weak little cheat creeping around behind his wife’s back with someone he thinks will be infatuated enough to be a useful side hobby - is that what you want? Rip the plaster off now, it will be far less painful in the long run.