Do you know anyone who has never suffered any kind of adversity or difficulty in their life (or have you never)?

[Waitingforthesunnydays]

I have this friend in her early 40s who I went to school with. She grew up with two loving parents, middle-class family, nice village, lots of community spirit, never any major money worries, had a genuinely supportive group of friends at school, of which I was part of and we’re all still good friends now, all been there for each other over the years, no major fallouts. She was naturally clever, popular, and got good exam results & a good degree from a good uni. She never seemed stressed about exams etc. She’s always been good looking, always slim without ever trying that hard, as far as I know. She had a long relationship with a guy from school from about year 9 till she was about 20. She then dumped him cos things just fizzled out. She met the love of her life a year later at uni, who she married and now has two lovely kids with. They travelled the world after uni together. She had a dream job that she successfully climbed the ladder in till she had kids in her mid 30s. Both pregnancies were a dream. She then decided she’d had enough of the corporate world, was a SAHM mum for a few years, while her husband earned big bucks, more than enough to support all of them. She then successfully launched her own business which is now super successful AND helps people in need AND she gets to be as hands-on or hands-off as she wants, giving her as much time as she wants to spend with her family. Her entire (very supportive, very loving) extended family all live within 15 minutes of her. They live in a beautiful house in a beautiful village with no mortgage. Her parents have always supported her with money when she’s needed it. She’s never been financially insecure. They go on amazing holidays multiple times a year. She or her family have never had any health problems. She has tons of friends, and is a genuinely lovely, funny, down to earth person. I could go on! And before anyone says it, yes of course I am jealous! It struck me the other day though, that she has never, ever experienced any kind of adversity in her life (and I would know, we are very close). She’s never experienced bereavement of anyone she’s close to, never had a health scare, never been bullied, never had issues trying to conceive, never had a period of poor mental health, never had any money worries, never disliked her job, never even experienced heartbreak or rejection! She’s basically always got everything she’s ever wanted. I’ve never met anyone that has managed to get to their 40s with everything having gone so absolutely perfectly. I do think she must have zero natural resilience sometimes. I’m just wondering how rare this is. Do you know anyone who’s literally never experienced anything going wrong in their life?

She’s literally one of my closest friends. I’ve known her since we were 12. She tells me everything. I could pick her husband’s penis out in a line up, despite never having seen it. Mainly because it oddly bent, not in the ‘normal’ place most are bent. And no, she’s not the type of twat who talks excessively about her sex life or her husband’s bits. But she does tell me 🤣

This
It has genuinely made me a far more rounder human being. As hard as some times have been, I wouldn’t swap it.

There ya go- she has a DH with a bent cock. Pray for her!

You’re so close a friend that you’re posting identifiable, deeply personal information on a public forum? That one disadvantage she has, a crap friend.

Hmmm, I don’t think so in my case. I fold and melt very quickly although I can hold things together when need be?

I can't think of anyone really. I suppose my brother had a bit of a charmed life. He just fell into good situations easily. We also were from quite a middle class, reasonably stable, background.

But everything did start to go a bit wrong for him about 10 years ago. Marriage ended, lost his job, got another job, then got quite seriously injured on that job, had another relationship breakdown and ended up really mentally unwell and has also had cancer. He is ok, but has had a rough old time.

I like it when it happens the other way round, like when someone has a difficult phase in their life and then somehow ends up better off. I know of a few people that has happened to.

I don't think anyone has nothing but good luck and no adversity their whole lives.

@Mostlywilliow I'm currently helping the 7 year old through a yoghurt based tragedy. They ran out before they got to her at school lunch on Friday.
We only had one night of complete despair luckily; we're in the quiet anger stage now.

Yes, it’s all relative. I think if you haven’t experienced much adversity it takes a huge amount of self-awareness to be able to empathise with others’ struggles. That and maturity and life-experience. Luckily my friend does seem to have that self-awareness (not sure we’d still be friends if she didn’t). Perhaps having a number of friends (myself included) who have experienced a lot of adversity helps you gain some perspective

Haha yes i suspect “the day I first saw it” might be the answer to ‘what was the worse day of your life’?

Yes, of course.

As much as everyone on MN is obsessed with ‘all that glitters isn’t gold’ and ‘you never know what goes on behind closed doors’, I know 2 people for whom life has gone perfectly. The daughter of two Magic Circle law partners who is now a successful writer, among other things. And another woman who was also born into privilege and who could have become a lady of leisure but instead launched a very successful business and has ambition/drive/discipline like I’ve never seen before.

They’re also both really lovely. I think it goes hand in hand.

All one can do is be inspired and try to change one’s life for the better. Envy / comparisons are pointless.

I've been very lucky in life so this is probably me.

Come from a happy family where we all like each other. Parents solidly middle class, no money worries. Private school, Oxbridge, great career.

Been with my husband for over 20 years (I'm early 40s) and relationship is good. Healthy kid, no fertility issues in getting pregnant. Grandparents involved with the kids. No big health problems. No money worries, nice house in London, good friends and fulfilling hobbies. No one close to me has died young.

I went through some pretty unhappy teenage years and some pretty awful work related difficulties at times. My kids have some neurodiversity and can be challenging for sure.

So I've not been super happy every moment of my life, but am very very aware of how lucky I am.

I've always felt I had a fairly charmed life - straightforward pregnancies, no health problems, loving family etc.

However in the last year I've been diagnosed with cancer, seen my Mum die with dementia and my young adult children aren't without their struggles.

Generally bad stuff happens at some point but I still consider myself fortunate and try to count my blessings.

Oh my word. That’s awful, your poor child. Forts and pears darlings. Stay strong.

I know someone like this who I went to school with. She was pretty average academically but she did her best at school with good grace. She's now a nice adult in a nice marriage...there's something a bit...boring about her. There's a kind of naïveté I think borne of never having known real difficulty.

I have a life like hers except I spent from 14-45 with undiagnosed endometriosis was medical gaslit into thinking my agony was normal and hid it from the world. Until I was 45 and had major excision surgery nobody apart from my DH knew what I endured almost daily. I alway tink you just never ever know what people are suffering with mentally or physically and she sounds amazing so I hope nothing.

By the age of 35 I'd had more challenges than most people do in a lifetime. They taught me life is short and unpredictable and you have to make the most of it. If you met me today you'd say I was lucky and I am but that's because I've made choices based on the lessons I've learned and built a good life brick by brick. My scars are so deeply woven they're hidden unless I choose to expose them. At times I've felt like cracked porcelain and was amazed I wasn't see through on the light but I refuse to be governed by other people's choices and my life is wonderful but it was hard won.

Yes, I know plenty of people who have not faced significant adversity & really live happy successful lives.
About 80 % is pleased for them, and 20% a bit bitter as I’ve had and still do a fairly challenging life.

But then again, sense kicks in & I realise, my life seems charmed to others.

and that while I do occasionally feel bitter (it’s my family, siblings, I’m thinking of mainly), we don’t know what life holds in store, for anyone.

I know one woman like this. Came from a lovely middle class family, was always the prettiest at school (and still very attractive now). Not the most academic, but worked hard and has done well for herself. Two lovely kids and a husband who dotes on her. No major life problems. Very nice to everyone she meets.

Then, there’s me who if anything can go wrong it will, but that’s life, and I’m actually pretty happy despite having a lot of challenges over the years.

Yeah, my boss's boss in my last job.
It made them a very poor people manager, because they just didnt get how much some things can affect you.

There are some really good posts pointing out how adversity has shaped their mindset and perspective. I completely agree, I suffered from terrible anxiety and then I had a string of adversity on top of having some pretty deep adversity in childhood and it has given me a really great mindset and a very changed tolerance for dealing with people who create needless drama.

In conversation to a work colleague/friend the other day and it led to me telling her of the devastating child trauma I had suffered plus a number of other awful events. She said she would never have guessed and said you are always smiling etc. Unless you really know me or knew me at 8 years old id guess from the outside looking in everything ia perfect....people seem to think I have everything and a nice life. I do, but I'll always have emotional scars that won't ever heal but Im also lucky to have a loving and close family, i always did and that something that holds me up. Don't be jealous as you also never know what's around the corner.

How do you know about every single thing and every single setback she's ever experienced?

She's never felt physical pain? She's never felt disappointed? Hurt? That she wishes something happened slightly differently?

And If she's never ever experienced bereavement she will. Definitely. And it might be worse for her to cope with.

I lost my dad at 13 and I wouldn't wish that on anyone but I feel like I know what it feels like at least. So when it happens again I will have more ways of coping. I hope. But nobody knows what the future holds.

Your friend could get cancer, get run over by a bus, her child might become a drug addict, who knows?

Yes I’m not saying she never will experience adversity. I’m saying she hasn’t up until now

I don’t know anyone like this.

I think a lot of people may think my life is like this but I’m a very private person.

I know lots of people who live a charmed life in many ways eg money, success, health but there is some tragedy in the family somewhere. I can’t think of anyone who is bullet proof.