Just this. This has never ended for me. From the title you might expect I have a newborn but nope, kids are now 13 and 10. I have intrusive thoughts that always say ‘you’re not doing enough or trying hard enough.’ Objectively speaking I don’t think that is true at all - my DC have a lovely life, do activities that interest them and are mostly thriving. My youngest is about to undergo an autism assessment and I am a bit stressed about it (just want to make sure I say the right things in the interview etc).
I’ve been a single parent since the youngest was a baby, so nearly a decade now. Their dad is a classic Disney dad who sees them EOW and has no real mental load. He does love them, he does pay CM, but I absolutely feel that I’m doing this by myself.
I’m not sure quite why this feels so bad atm. On paper I’m so lucky, I have flexible work that enables me to pick up the youngest (when she’s in school which isn’t always - see autism!) and I have a side hustle in something I enjoy that’s going pretty well. My job is a bit boring but hey it’s flexible. I just feel a bit alone I think. I hold everything together but no one holds me. These thoughts are so annoying. This weekend for example I’ve taken DD horse riding and into London to a museum and out for a casual dinner. DS did park run and went for a sleepover with a mate. We’ll make sure HW is done today and maybe cook together. I KNOW that is all fine. Why won’t my brain shut up.