DH borrowed without asking

[Shortiez]

Hi everyone, I’m disappointed with DH.

he supports his elderly mum with general life stuff. This includes helping her with bills/ banking etc.

recently he needed to find £1000 to pay a bill and was struggling. All of a sudden is was sorted so I asked him how he had paid it. It turns out he had borrowed the money from mums account and has paid it back over 3 months. My issue is, he didn’t ask her. He just did it.

I’ve told him that it’s not ok, even if he’s repaid it. He doesn’t see the issue based on the following-

She has told him many times that he can always borrow and put back

she has a high amount of savings and so it didn’t leave her out of pocket

she trusts him

he said he didn’t ask as she would have worried

I know it’s paid back but I can’t pretend I’m ok with it

Well it’s done now, so that’s that. Why was this just his bill? The only bills we have are for both of us.

He is abusing her trust.

That’s what I said but he disagrees as she’s told him he can always borrow. I’d rather him ask the bank

Stop fretting. His Mum said he could borrow money anytime. Yes he should have told her. But it's done now. Paid back so forget about it.

think you are disappointed about the reason for this bill really

I don’t see the issue, his mum gave him permission in a way that he wouldn’t need to ask for each specific time because she trusts him. He did not abuse that trust. He paid her back quickly. I assume his mum is compos mentis? So her permission was not a result of coercion or dementia?

Is it true that she’s told him “many times” that he can always borrow? How did those conversations come up? Was it in the context of “you have access, I trust you to borrow what you need, without leaving me short, and pay it back in a timely fashion” or, more likely in my opinion, “you know you can borrow from me anytime, just let me know what you need”?

if the former, then technically he did have permission. It sits uneasy with me personally, but only you and he know if she would genuinely ok with this. If the latter, there was no reason not to ask her so I’d not be impressed either.

Was the bill an unexpected, sudden and one off occurrence that left you in a bind as you didn’t face the money to pay it? I would question that someone who has enough left over to pay £333 a month back genuinely didn’t have the £1k in savings in the first place. So why didn’t he/you have the money available if you in theory have a spare three hundred quid a month?