Mortified about this

[BlueOtter9]

Started a new job. Now I’m very adhd and autistic however I’ve masked so much in life due to grammar schooling that you’d never know I was. But it really severely impacts my daily life. I can’t wake up on time and I can’t sleep on time because well, adhd. Yes it’s irresponsible but I am so scared to tell my employer I’ve been judged on it before.

so, week 3 of new job we use fingerprints to scan in. I’ve been arriving on the dot when things start. The expectation is 15-20 m before. Now I recall walking past reception and the CEOs pa was there when I came in and idk if that triggered a conversation. But I’m MORTIFIED because today the manager said “hey just a quick one lates have been flagged so I just wanted to say” and before they finished I panicked and said “sorry I forget to sign in sorry sorry am I in trouble I’ll make sure I do sign in on time daily” the response was “not trouble it was a super informal email that just asked me to flag it so I’m doing that” thing is no one mentioned the arrival times so I just assumed on the dot works. But not here. I’m really fkin embarrassed that it happened and then I panicked and said oh no forgot to sign in. They probably know that’s not the case but it came out of my mouth.

Im very harsh on myself but I’ve told myself I now must be better and be on time. I’m just embarrassed.

Also, please don’t berate me I know I should know better and I’ve told myself from Monday I will and I 100% will.

Why are you mortified?

They should be mortified to expect you to work with no pay.

Just felt a bit infantilised in the convo which was embarrassing then on top of that the person at the top of the hierarchy noticed, to then make it worse I panicked and said I forgot. So just mish mash of mess.

If they tell you the start time is 9am then they cant expect you to magically intuit that they mean 8.45am!

I would ask my line manager if there are any other unwritten rules you need to know about. You dont need to say you have autism, just say you tend to take things at face value so assumed 9am meant signed in by 9am.

Are you signing in at 9 on the dot and your start time is 9?

I think it's reasonable for a company to expect you to be at your desk signed in / in position and physically starting work at 9 - not e.g. hanging you coat up / getting a coffee etc.

But if you're saying you're actually starting work at 9am and they seem to expect you to start at 8.45 then that's not reasonable.

I'm confused

What time are you actually supposed to start? And was that made clear to you?

Because it sounds as if you are actually turning up on time.

i’d be rocking up at 8.50 and going to the loo, hanging up my coat, getting logged in etc ready to start work at 9am.

if you want a cuppa too or to be in the loo for ages tonging your hair or something you’d need to be earlier.

they seem to expect you to be starting work at 9am. not unpacking your laptop and putting on lippy. fair enough. but dont work prior.

Is this a school?

When are you supposed to start? 9? If they haven’t explained it properly that’s with them not you.

They can ask you to be in the office early say making a coffee going to the loo getting organised but you start logged in at 9.

don’t worry about what happened and also let them know about your autism. I’m ND too.

Mmm 20 minutes is unreasonable in my opinion!

I also think 8:59 isn’t ideal if it’s a job you need to unpack/turn computer on etc or similar. But this is as much on them as you.

ADHD here too btw, and I totally get the can't sleep can't wake thing (I was up unable to switch off till 2am the night before an important morning meeting this week ffs!)

If it's a reasonable expectation for you to be there a bit earlier than you are now, then I think you'll have to convince yourself your start time is in fact earlier than it really is. I find I get complacent when I've done a journey a few times, it takes 10 minutes, I'll leave at 10 to. Without leaving time to get petrol, walk from that car to the door, allow for the traffic lights to be red.

However, it also sounds like you may have some rejection sensitivity, as do I. So I would have a completely over the top reaction to being told I'm late and need to do better, I'd feel like a complete failure out of all proportion to what's actually happened (after all you haven't had a bollocking, just a quick comment) and the toe curling shame I'd feel would be the kick I'd need to make my brain actually focus on not being late again. Maybe a silver lining?!

Why is turning the computer on not part of the paid work? I was paid from 8 am so that's when I switched my computer on.

Are you actually walking into the building at 9:00 am (insert whatever time you start)? Is your desk/workspace on the same floor as the entry system?

I don't see anything in the OP about styling hair for ages or putting on lippy though, sounds more like she's just arriving at 9 and getting straight on with work?

This.

I am in the same boat too. Mornings are a struggle. Feedback is a struggle and sends me into a spiral.

Not a big deal. It’s stressful for managers too when they have to speak to staff. They will be relieved you didn’t make a fuss. Very minor event and no need to worry.

Oh OP, when I was in my 20s, my manager once (jokingly) said as I walked in the door at 9am on the dot (as usual) "oh I can accurately set my watch now LovesLabradors is here!" It's just that I struggle to leave the house on time, and I walked to work and I knew the exact time I needed to leave the house not to be late. I think I'm possibly undiagnosed ADHD - I tick a lot of the boxes.
Don't be mortified - sounds like the manager was really nice about it.

Why?

Exactly this. I end up relaxing quickly into it and falling into a bad habit because I’m so overwhelmed and can’t sleep I then can’t get up. Then I hear that and I’m like great I failed everything. Everyone hates me. All people believe I’m shit at my job. Someone’s said something. I’m crap. Then I sleep and wake up probably crying.

I’ve been a manager myself. Never had to have that chat but tbh everyone I’ve ever worked with is on time or really early. I’m jealous they do it because I just can’t.

No I just have complete system over drive in the morning and my body can’t wake up. It actually hurts to get up. Physically I feel pain. It’s so bad that I can’t even stand up and do my get ready routines because when I run in the evening my legs are jelly in the morning. I’m so wiped out.

I’d want to ask the manager what time you need to sign in at and explain why, especially if you start at 9 and they expect you there for free before then.
Don't be embarrassed.
Do you have any support at home OP?

Good grief, I manage adults! Sometimes they arrive late, because traffic etc. But, they never run out of the door on the dot. I hate a clock watching culture, because you can guarantee, it's never the same at the end of the day.