3 yo dropping nap, please help?!?

[3yosleephelpplease]

3.5 yo is dropping her nap, been going on a few months and I'm at the end of my rope. She's at nursery 3 days per week and will often lie quietly there for 15 minutes or so but refuses naptime at home (though will sometimes still fall asleep in the pram mid-day).

• She is usually an absolute mess by tea, throwing strops, cheeky behaviour, etc
• Even in the morning she's overtired, whinging, pleading to be carried everywhere, etc
• If she does sleep (in the pram for example) she's then so awake at bedtime she's up until 9pm, but this often in combination with more stroppy/cheeky behaviour
• She's also been waking up a bit early (6 am? 5:45? and coming to our room asking for a cuddle
• She previously went to sleep on her own but lately is so knackered we put on her pyjamas, read a story and she's out within a few minutes in my arms in a rocking chair, now won't go to sleep without being held. This is alright if she falls asleep but on days where she's slept she's up for >1 hour. (We've never done CIO and I don't want to start).

She was always such a calm and happy child but the nap change has really knocked us for six. I am home with her two days a week and I'm feeling like I can't do it anymore.

• I keep to a regular schedule (mostly mirrors nursery), wake, breakfast, fruit at 10, lunch at 12, snack at 3 (older brother then also home from school), tea at 530, move towards bed at 6:30 or 7, depending on whether she needs a bath, how tired she is, etc. She doesn't have any screentime.
• I try to build in a rest time after lunch where she can play quietly in her room but she won't go in her bed and just plays and is excessively silly (a hallmark for her when over tired--e.g., I hear her throwing her animals round the room and laughing)

I suspect at this point she's chronically sleep deprived but I don't know how to make this transition better, and it's taking much longer than I remember with my oldest. Is it just wait it out and grit my teeth? Is there something else I'm not thinking of? I raised my voice today and she cried (she is very sensitive!) and I feel like rubbish, but I'm so tired of the constant whinging, throwing strops, etc and I am at a complete loss for what to do.

My oldest was the same and very late to drop his nap. Finally did at 3.5yo. We ended up bringing bedtime forward to 5.30pm for a few months and then gradually pushed it back. He's now nearly 5yo and still in bed ready for sleep by 6.30pm and gets up at 6.45am. Some just need more sleep. 5.30pm bedtime made it hard to fit everything in but we had to prioritise his sleep.

Thank you, it helps to know this ends eventually. I don’t think we could manage such an early bedtime but maybe can think about doing 6 pm more often.

I absolutely rubbish because i raised my voice with her yesterday and I’m off again today, and I’m just dreading another day full of meltdowns. She is the sweetest d loveliest girl, and I know it’s not her fault. It’s just my patience is worn through after weeks of this 😭

My 3 year old seemed to drop her nap when she turned 2 😄 she is exactly the same when she gets tired, like the devil actually takes over and she thinks she is hilarious but in fact she’s just being silly and also mean to her little sister. Sometimes she will have a nap after nursery but not often. Sorry no real advice just a post to say you’re not the only one struggling with a grumpy tired toddler !

Don't put it all down to sleep, it's normal for kids to wake early and want contact with parents for example. Same with bedtime contact. Kids need emotional reassurance in different amounts at different stages.

You can't make a child take a nap, so move bedtime earlier.

Also encourage other quiet time in your house so she can rest if not sleep.

Generally be wary of overexcitement while she's a bit overwhelmed.

I found with my DC that this was a tricky transition. She sort of needs a nap and sort of doesn't! It's just a phase though until she adjusts. I agree with pp about bringing bedtime forwards.

It’s not the nap. It’s just the age. There all over the place. Stop forcing naps. Let her go bed around 7/8

Just to say you sound like you are doing an amazing job 💛
I remember this phase with my son and it was the low point of everyone’s experience of being a family. We did raise our voices, a lot, and regret it. Husband learnt a lot from going through this though and it’s made him a better dad overall.

Instead of rest time where she plays in her room after lunch, could you share a book or two with her instead?
That way she'd be sitting calmly with you for a while which might make her drop off or just have a rest for a bit.
And bring bedtime a bit earlier if she hasn't had a nap.

It has got much lighter in the mornings recently.. the light might be waking her up before she is ready?
If you don’t already use a blackout blind, I really would. We have tommee tippee black out blind that suckers to the window, then normal blinds, then blackout curtains.

That's a normal age to drop naps. She's not sleep deprived, she's 3. You do need to tweak bedtimes when they drop naps but don't overthink it.