I have a 2 years old and I live with my partner and my mother.
Since before having kids my mother was adamant that if have kids she will help me with child care. She and my dad were living in a different country.
When I had my son she was insisting to come over to help which made sense as giving birth was tough and I was very sleep deprived. My mother is 54 and she never really had a stable job, she got her first job when I was 19, and she never held a job for more than 1 year max that it was tough etc.
When she came over she lived with me an my partner in our 3 beds house and she was travelling back and forth every 2 months or so. My dad was only travelling for holidays and birthdays as he’s still working. When I returned to work, we all agreed that it will make sense she looks after my son helping me with childcare instead of nursery or childminder as they have a really good bond. I agreed to pay her around £1000/month and help her with different appointments and needs as I thought it was right thing to do. We have not lived together since I was 14 as I was sent to a school and we would only see each other on weekends. I should’ve realised it was a really bad idea.
There it starts. Every few weeks or days she will start an argument from something silly and she will scream and shout and cry for days. This is especially every time off I had from work. She would say really mean things to me such that I am unable to look after my son, that I am useless, lazy, nasty and everything under the sun, without any context, as I do all of the cooking at home, some cleaning (when she allows us to, as she does most cleaning because we don’t know how to?!), all admin, gardening, looking after my son and teaching him stuff etc.
Last night she must’ve been angry about something else and as I was in the playroom , kicking a very light ball with my son after a very long shift, I knocked over a small bowl where she was eating biscuits, it was only crumbs left and they fell on the floor. Then she started screaming and literally saying everything under the sun. She even insults my partner so so bad, he knows but not paying her much attention as she doesn’t speak English and she will scream in her own language.
I don’t know what to do. I spend 3/10 days off crying, I take my son out but we don’t spend much time together as I distance so he doesn’t hear her shouting. She’s given good care to my son I appreciate that, but he’s also not really talking and lacking social skills.
I cannot find a nursery within 6 months leave alone now. He starts pre school in September but it feels like such a long way to go and is only for a few hours. Also every time I tried to apply for other child care, she changes and becomes nice and sweet, like a total different person.
I work 40+ hours per week in emergency services and went through so much to be in the position I am at the moment, I left my country on my own when I was 18.
Any ideas what to do given the circumstances?
PS: talking doesn’t work as she’s not a reasonable person able to hold an adult conversation and she would just scream more