Hi all, I'm just ruminating on a discussion I had with a mother at a playgroup this morning. Our current circumstances are very different, but it was similar to what my mum faced when I was growing up in some aspects.
This lady was left by her husband last year, she has 3 young children and he is self employed. She is not receiving hardly anything from him and is struggling to work around 3 young children. She has received some money from their divorce settlement, not a huge sum, but is over the threshold for UC. She's gone from living in what sounds like a lovely home, to being housed in social housing.
It struck a nerve with me, as my mum and I went through similar experiences when I was young, some 30 odd years ago. Of course, it wasn't UC then. We ended up living with my gran, as my mum couldn't afford a house of her own and struggled with childcare for 2 young kids. She made something work but it was a tough time. My dad went on and had 2 more kids and didn't pay a penny towards us.
Everything is so expensive these days. We all would love to believe it would never happen to us. We'd all like to hope our husbands or partners would do the right thing. How this lady is supposed to afford childcare that would support her to financially support 3 children sufficiently is beyond me.
My partner and I have a good relationship (I think), but it seemed so did this lady until hers met a woman he connected with and left her for. I just find it so sad that, from what I experienced as a child, times seem to have not changed so much for single mums. They seem shackled in so many ways. Yes I suppose she could get a mortgage with the money but paying a mortgage and childcare for multiple children, as well as further costs isn't a feasible option. I was actually shocked about how much her social housing costs were. I thought these associations were made to actually help people.
Maybe it's hit a nerve because of my own childhood experiences but I really felt for this woman today. I work full time but know life would be completely different if for any reasons, myself and partner separated. It just highlighted that although people go on about people on benefits, everything when you closer into it is a trap. She said that because she has over a certain amount in savings from the divorce that was given back to her from the sale of the house, she's not applicable for support. It's thrown me into a spin and made me look at my own finances.
Does anyone else feel that no matter which way you go, the government has you by the balls in some way? Between tax, savings etc. I really felt for this lady today and wish I could just do something to help her. You really never know what someone is going through. It's easy for us all to judge a life we don't have, but I know I couldn't have a very decent standard of living on my wages, especially if my partner became and ex who dodges his child support.