Kids football

[jimmybiscuit]

Hi all!
Just wanted to get some outside perspectives.
My son is 9 and plays football for our local team. Last week he had an over night school trip so was tired and a bit emotional for the match on Saturday, but was looking forward to playing. There are a couple of kids on his team who are better players, but also quite greedy and won’t pass, will take shots when they should pass etc.

For the match this weekend their manager was unable to come along, so a couple of dads helped. One of the children was a lot worse than normal (his dad was helping), not just refusing to pass, but screaming at other kids, at one point he screamed at my son to tackle someone and grabbed his arm and tried to force him.
After the match my son said he wants to change teams because of this boys behaviour. We agreed to sleep on it and think about it later. So I haven’t mentioned it again.
DP thinks the kid will always be like this until he is stood up to, ie our son should shout back 🙄
The manager has sent out an availability check today for this weekend, for a friendly. I want to drop him a message and say something along the lines of “I’ll need to let you know when DS is home from school as when you weren’t there Saturday child X was very aggressive towards the other boys and made DS want to leave the team” obviously with a bit more thought than that.
What do we think? Leave it or mention to the manager

If the kid was having an off day I wouldn’t over react to it, if he’s always upsetting your son then mention it to the manager. Your son needs to get used to other kids in football being shouty or rough as it comes with the territory, but speaking to the manager makes total sense as he may be able to stop it.

Thank you!! That makes sense. DP has played since he was a kid and I think this is where he’s coming from.
I do think the manager would like to be aware as it happened when he wasn’t around. I just don’t want him to think I’m overreacting

Even if he does it’s better to advocate for your son. I’d avoid calling the kid ‘very aggressive’ to be honest but it’s up to you

How many games left till the end of the season?
Has your son enjoyed playing usually?
You could look at changing for a new team next season.
For the last few games its hard to know how the manager will deal with this. Ive had mixed reactions to raising this in a team. Some understanding and one "tough it up" type attitude

"The team vibe was different and Ronaldo wasn't too happy the last game without you being there. Can I check that you'll perform your usual role?"
That way you aren't complaining as such. However I would be inclined to say nothing and let it go.

You’re right is maybe say DS wasn’t sure about continuing with the team and was “put off” by the behaviour, the manager will know who we mean. I saw a couple of other incidents that make me think I wouldn’t be the only one saying something.

I think asking the manager if he’s going to ‘perform his usual role’ could be perceived quite badly. Like hi, I no you are a volunteer but are you going to do your job this week? The guy is allowed a week off.

That’s really good actually, I was thinking of framing it around making sure he’s there

Yes, you're right. I should have thought of that

They’ve finished the league games, Saturday was the last one. I was wondering about looking over the break. Annoyingly they’ve just gone up to 7 a side , so teams won’t necessarily need to increase, unless they’ve had some leave.
He really loves playing, has never questioned going training or matches, until now

If it’s just a one off on a day there was no manager and your son was tired then let it go. Loosing his team over one bad day wouldn’t do him any favours at all

This is very true. They’re 9 year old boys, there’s a good chance he’ll have the same issue elsewhere

If he normally enjoys it and was just having a bad day I wouldn’t rush to move teams. His usual coach wasn’t there which may have added to the upset. I’d see how the next match is and if the other child is still being aggressive then I’d have a word with the coach.
My youngest is playing u13 now and there’s still always one kid on every team who can be a little horror but it’s definitely better than when he was 9. Good luck!

Honestly, I think it's better the devil you know - my daughter is in U11 football, and there are some insane coaches out there. Luckily we have a great one.

If all season it's been fine, and his thought has changed on just the last match of the season (when you admit he was overtired), then I would say it's emotions of that specific day driving your thought process rather than "this is an ongoing issue that needs to be dealt with".

I don't know about boys, but certainly with my daughter, hormones are starting to creep in, and some days she can react to something absolutely fine, and other days the same instance would set her off entirely.

Unfortunately, there are aggressive players out there, and if it's not on his team, then he'll certainly come up against it in the opposition, particularly as it gets older and the competitive element starts to come in. Is there any way your husband (or you) could perhaps offer to volunteer and help as well to mitigate the situation next year? We're already incredibly mindful of the fact that the coaches are volunteers

Thank you all. This is really helpful. I know from speaking to other football parents irl we’re quite lucky in our area and have yet to come across teams (and sideline parents) who take it too seriously.
on the whole they’re a lovely team. I’ll check with him later about the friendly and he has training tomorrow night and just see what he says.

There was a need for someone to step up this season and help coach, DP wasn’t able as he works 2 weeks (14days) on 2 weeks off, but has had DBS checks through the club so he can help if needed.

This is reassuring, thank you!

I think that you are right to mention it. Stick to the facts. Dont try to sugar coat it. Explain what happened and the affect it has had on your son. I come from a very football oriented background. 2 brothers (one at semi professional level) and I have 2 DSs who both play. Both my brothers are now football coaches and both will say how easy it is to lose the live of the game and once its gone, its pretty tough to get back. Kids football is supposed to be fun above all else, if he is not having fun because of this kid then you should speak up.

Can you speak to the coach at training tomorrow? Just say there was some players acting aggressively and it’s made DS want to leave.
boys hogging the ball and not passing is extremely common ( I help coach my sons U8 team). Everyone wants to be the striker 🤦🏻‍♀️. But being aggressive and grabbing is not ok.

Thank you. It’s all he wants to do in and out of school, it would be awful for him to feel he doesn’t want to.

It’s awkward as we’re all in close proximity and stay and watch. So it would be hard to have a word without being over heard.

Do you have a safeguarding officer who can help liaise with the coach?

It’s quite usual for players to swop teams over summer. Maybe encourage your son to carry on until the end of season party , if they have one, but say you consider moving if continues to be unhappy.

From my own experience (my son played from age 4 through to 15) it depends on how you think the coach will react. Kids football can be really brutal. If they're mates with the dad you've no chance. Also sad to say but it's taken more seriously when it comes from dad, rather than 'mother'.

I would mention to the coach but ask him if he could have a general chat with the team about respect etc. If it continues and your son is getting very upset and refusing to go, I would definitely complain more vigorously.

It gets worse as they get older I found.
Swearing, aggressiveness, tantrums...and that's just the parents (I'm not kidding).

I’m not sure, I feel like that would either be the coach or a the parent who is secretary.. she is very approachable I’ll have a look at this