Dickhead took me to court for contact, then didn't show up.

[NeverGonnaGiveYouUpProbablyGonnaLetYouDown]

Just as the title says. I stopped contact due to emotional abuse and neglect. Gave him chance to sort himself out. He never did.

Smug bastard took me to court rather than being a decent parent. Court ordered 2 hours contact on Saturday and Sunday. They said he needs another chance, but accepted he is emotionally abusive and neglectful.

We were standing there waiting for him on both days and the dickhead just didn't show. Didn't message. Nothing.

So I'm stood outside waiting for 20 minutes in the rain, after managing to get 3 kids there when they didn't want to go anyways. And he's probably laid in his bed oblivious.

I actually hate him.

Your job is done...you did as the court ordered, and he didn't. They wanted to give him "another chance" and he blew it. They won't do it again as they'll see his contempt - for them and for you - plain as day.

Block and ignore. Freedom beckons.

(I've been in a long term abusive relationship, with kids, and it sucks...but hopefully the four of you can now get on with your lives. xxx)

It’s a good thing, you went through the process and he didn’t show. It’s over, block and move on.

It was an own goal for him. He thinks he’s done you over and inconvenienced you, but ultimately he’s only done himself over and he’s actually lessened his grip on you all.

What a fucking idiot. The court process is part of the abuse for him.

That's so upsetting for you all. But you know what, he's done you a favour so don't be too upset. Make sure you speak wtih your solicitor or let the court know in some way, but he's totally shot himself in the foot now. As my solicitor told me, give him enough rope to hang himself with - my XH did the same. Had every chance to see his children and build a relationship but he totally blew it by not showing up or being consistent in any way. It's all about demands and not actually about what is right for the children but you've done what you need to do now.

What a dickhead. I'm not surprised you hate him. As a pp said though, you did your job as ordered by the court and now he hasn't got a leg to stand on, he scored an own goal.

I just know he will try and somehow spin this on me. He has a solicitor, who i informed, I'm self representing. He cut his hours to part time so he can get legal aid and I'm not entitled to it.

He can carry on being abusive to me all he likes, I'm just so pissed off that I had to force my kids to go out and wait for him, he insists on a location quite far from my house because he's apparently scared of me so it is maximum inconvenience. He's told the court a bunch of lies about me, which, funnily enough are all truths about him. I've lodged files and files of evidence backing up everything I've said, he's lodged nothing at all, because there is nothing.

I just know the court will say supervised contact or something now, there's no way they will stop contact entirely, even though the older 2 (10 and 11) have made statements to social services stating the problems and saying they dont want to see him at all.

Pisses me off that these bastatrd men can use the court system for further control and abuse. And get public funding to pay for it.

Have you moved all communication onto a court approved app?

As well as insisting on supervised contact that he funds only agree to meet at a public place convenient to you such a bus or train route.

I’m sorry he is so awful.

My ex did this, he’s tried to pick up contact 5 years after not turning up to court ordered contact. I’ve refused and he throws “but it’s court ordered, you’re breaking the order” ok, take me back to court then🤷🏻‍♀️

He doesn't communicate with me at all. Insists every tiny thing goes to court and gets written into an order, literally even a half hour change to the schedule one weekend, he wants to take it to court. He wouldnt be doing that if he had to pay. He insists hes too scared to come near my home so contact has to be at least a 20 minute walk away. We have a parenting app though.

Honestly cannot believe i stayed with this prick long enough to have 3 kids with him.

You don't get legal aid regardless of hours worked..
My ex did the same years ago. Trailed dd on a train +bus for a 6pm meeting.. He didn't show up. She was 2. Next saw him when she was 20. She dumped him soon after seeking him out. Declared him a waste of space.

Document the instances as thoroughly as you can, and put it on formal record in some way (ask your lawyer). Expect him to deny this happened - that you were a no-show or turned up at the wrong venue.

This is - as I'm sure you know - just a continuation of abuse

He will get at least some costs covered by legal aid due to his wage being low. Also the price for privately funded is much higher than funded by legal aid, so even if he gets a bit covered it still reduces his bill to at least half anyway.

The kids are between 8 and 11 and do not want to see him, yet the court keeps forcing it.

I have everything written and documented thoroughly, I emailed his solicitor at the weekend too when he didn't show. I'm self representing so have had to do everything by myself and have learned a lot quickly.

I can't believe it's legal to keep taking someone to court, where I would be in trouble for not following the order but he can do what he likes. It's pissing me off. Tonnes of organising and paperwork, having to take time off to keep going to these damned hearings, just so he can keep the abuse up using legal aid and the court system.

So sorry that other have been through this, it's a bloody joke.

I went through this about 25 years ago

He thought it was funny taking me to court as 'its free init?'

He wouldn't show up but would claim that he did and id gone out

Back to court we'd go and neither could prove it (im amazed the judge didnt throw something at us)

They set it up that we had to meet at a contact centre

One day id dragged two small kids to the contact centre (using money i didnt have) and waited over 3 hours only for him not to show up

This happened 7 more times and somehow it was all my fault

It finally came to a halt when we got a new judge who could see him for what he is and she cut all contact and said that if he wanted contact,we had to stand in front of her (fine with me)

He never did for contact but did try to block a house move (that we really needed) out of pure spite and again when they had to move schools (I mean why move schools when I can travel over an hour every morning and again in the afternoon on the bus-he wasnt going to offer a lift)

She handed him his arse and we heard nothing since

He's still out there claiming I stopped him seeing them,he didnt pay anything as 'shes not spending my money on herself' and trying to keep tabs on me (hes failed as we moved away and its killing him he doesn't know my address)

Just keep chipping away-the system is a mess and does allow abusive twats to make our lives hell,but the kids will see him for what he is in time

Are the DC getting support at school? Please ask for it if they aren’t. An independent voice at how his behaviour is affecting them.

No, he won't get legal aid unless he's claimed you're domestically abusive towards him and got some professional to cosign it. Legal aid isn't available just because of low income.

I'm in Scotland, I think the rules are different to England for legal aid.

The kids have a lot of support at school, and have had 4 different professionals talk to the kids and put a report into the court so the kids views are heard. The sheriff said that it's his job to make sure they don't make a decision they will regret and so is pushing contact just now.

I’m sorry OP. The family courts are an absolute disgrace, with a system too easily leveraged by an abuser to continue their DA from afar.

Hope this is your path to freedom.